General Should i address this situation?

[LuckiLee]

Ok. Just a little info first. My guy is a combat veteran with PTSD. We've been together 5 years. He's been in therapy for 4 years. I've been on this forum for about a year which is basically my therapy. Thanks for all your help! ;)

Anyways J's sister is in town. With all of her dysfunction. Yay! Since I've been with J as a girlfriend and supporter I go to alot of trouble to keep stress away from him. So his sister comes to town and dumps a s*it load of stress right in our laps.

Lost her job.
Depressed.
Just went through divorce #3.
No money.
Brought her dog which we are watching so she can hang with her friends.
Borrowed money to go out with friends. (while J and I are WORKING).
Has NO clue how PTSD effects J's life and seems like she couldn't care less either.


She stayed the first 2 nights with us. The first morning he woke up with nausea and vomiting. Sister asked what was wrong? I said his nightmares are really bad right now and he wakes up with anxiety which upsets his stomach. And she says "nightmares? About what? Omg. I lost it. I said " ABOUT THE WARS! He's a combat veteran with PTSD. What do you think he would have nightmares about???" She says "oh". Yep that's all she had to say about that topic.

Then the next day we went downtown to site see and to the open farmers market. Not one of J's favorite things to do. But he does it for me, I know this and appreciate it very much! The day we went it was very crowded. The middle isle was packed with people. J said he wasn't going down that isle (which I knew right away). Sister asks me "why wont he go down there?" (oh lord give me strength) I said " because HE HAS PTSD. Seriously, I'm going to buy you a book on PTSD. This is ridiculous"

Sorry about the long story. Let me get to my question. Should I have a conversation with her about how PTSD effects our lives? J wants the family to see him in a certain light. He doesn't want to look weak. (which is why he agreed to the visit even knowing it would overflow that damn stress cup).

I really want her to realize what J deals with everyday. She's his sister. She should know. Right? Am I just being protective? Idk. I just get so mad that people only care about themselves. I mean if the roles were reversed and someone told me my brother has PTSD and wakes up vomiting everyday I would want to know more and what, if anything I could do to help.

What do you guys think? Should I have a conversation or no? The one thing I am worried about (if we do talk) is her running to J and blabbing.

Thanks for taking the time to read all of this. I hope it makes some kind of sense.

....after reading all of this. I wonder if she'll even give a sh*t. Seems she just cares about herself.

 

[Friday]

I really want her to realize what J deals with everyday. She's his sister. She should know. Right?

Nope.

Not unless he wants her to.

 

[Never_falter2]

Personally I would not talk to her unless you ask him first because he might feel you are trying to backstab him. I understand it is well meaning but a man has his pride.
I would tell him you are really worried and would like to talk to her.

 

[LuckiLee]

Darn it! Lol

Ok what about the book? Can I get her a book about the disorder?

 

[EveHarrington]

Vent to us.

Let him handle things with his family in terms of what they know about his PTSD and symptoms.

It sucks but as someone with ptsd, I wouldn’t want a partner trying to explain my disorder to my family.

 

[LuckiLee]

I know. You guys are right. I guess I just wish she gave a shit about someone other than herself.

He's gonna keep it together all week then blammo.....

 

[Never_falter2]

I would not give her that book but I would maybe try to talk him into giving it to her because doing that he does not have to talk about it which man tend to hate.

My vets family is pretty odd. He has got several siblings, one of them is a bit like Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter. I mean he cannot do Magic’s but always that snobby and mean and thinks everybody but him is a muggle. Really Draco Malfoy type, but he is undestanding of his PTSD. Even stopped being mean.

I think it is good to talk to family members, but you know her better than me. Maybe I am dead wrong.... but of course only if HE wants it.

 

[scout86]

I just wish she gave a shit about someone other than herself.

You could say that about a lot of family members. Won't change anything. If she actually cared, she'd have made an effort herself.

 

[LuckiLee]

I know @scout86. That's why I'm so mad! Maybe I'm being selfish? Her actions or should I say inactions are going to cause me grief. And cause J more stress that he doesn't need. I don't like when people cause my guy more pain!

 

[NaeNae75]

Unfortunately, it would completely backfire on you. Ask him what his wishes are... Ask him what you can do to make it easier for him.... and don't engage in her selfish behavior.

 

[Sweetpea76]

What kind of an ass doesn't care if their sibling is ill? I can see why you have an urge to educate her. Upside the head. With a book on PTSD.

However I do agree that talking to her about it would probably stir up the hornet nest.

 

[LuckiLee]

LOL. Thanks @Sweetpea. I needed a laugh. Just imagining that made me feel a bit better. I'd get the large print version. Make it real thick. Like her head.

I'm with you. What kind of person has no interest in their families struggles? Truly mind boggling. His whole family is the same way. Even his mom. It really makes me mad.

My family is the complete opposite. They care. They ask questions. They support. They love. They accept. They.... Are the best!. J and I are blessed to have them.

Thanks guys! XO