How far would a t go to try and ellict a certain response?

[Supermoon2017]

How far do you think a T would go to elicit a certain response? E.G. Would they ever say something intentionally that they know would/should hurt you or make you angry? Especially if anger is something you have rarely shown in therapy and something they wanted you to deal with?

 

[Muted]

How far do you think a T would go to elicit a certain response? E.G. Would they ever say something intentionally...

I think my t does this sometimes. I don’t think it’s to hurt me, but to kinda make me deal with crap that I avoid.
Lol, sometimes I just see it and blow it off. I don’t get mad at her easily.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I’m out of therapy now for the time being but my last t would never do that. She would consider that manipulation. I used to wonder if she would ever phrase things a certain way for a reason but I was just reading into it. I’ve learned most people you need to take at face value. You can always just point blank ask your t what they’re doing.

 

[Supermoon2017]

Yes, I'm the same. There have been times where I have thought that he was 'trying' to make me angry but chose just to move past it. Sometimes when I realize after a session that he has made me angry I will usually bring it up and talk about it the following week. Usually, by then the intensity of the anger will have subsided so I talk about it in past tense or in terms of being hurt. My T said something to me in my session last week that was very hurtful and unexpected and not really like him. It didn't really match up to how he normally is and has confused me. My only thoughts are that he said it intentionally to make me angry. I asked him this and he denied it but it just doesn't make sense. Would a T do that? Say something that they don't really mean to make me angry and have to deal with anger?

 

[Supermoon2017]

I’m out of therapy now for the time being but my last t would never do that. She would consi...

Don't they use therapeutic interventions all the time that some people would classify as 'manipulating' the environment? e.g moving chairs, positive reframe, matching body language, changing tone etc. Don't they try to lead us in a certain direction, using certain techniques, that may not be apparent to the client at the time?

 

[Muted]

Don't they use therapeutic interventions all the time that some people would classify as 'manipulating' the envi...

I think they do. But, how can they be so good at outthinking us?

 

[Supermoon2017]

I’m out of therapy now for the time being but my last t would never do that. She would consi...

If they are not using various interventions in order to try to evoke certain feelings and responses in us and help us heal and grow are they not just doing what anyone could do? I know listening, being heard and validation are all important in the process but for many that is not all that is needed.

I am just so confused. He said something in the last session that literally was word for word what I had told him my mother had said to me once. When I replay back the session I am sure he also said it in the tone that I said she said it in. I am 99.5% sure he did say it in such a tone but now I am so confused by what happened I am questioning what's real and what's from the past. What tone did he really say it in and what tone did I hear? Is it possible that I imagined the tone or did he say it in that tone? He definitely said the words .

 

[UnicornSightings]

If they are not using various interventions in order to try to evoke certain feelings and responses in us and he...

Interventions may mean asking certain questions we wouldn’t think of on our own or other things. Manipulation would only lead to distrust which is not what any good therapist would be after. I would really just ask your t.

 

[deeplyloved]

There has to be a difference between technique and manipulation. There just has to be.

 

[Friday]

@deeplyloved Manipulation itself is a fairly neutral concept.

Certain professions are highly trained manipulators (therapists, hostage negotiators, teachers, lawyers, actors, priests, diplomats, etc.). Their entire job entails moving people. Emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, politically, etc.

Imagine a teacher who doesn't manipulate : "Learn this." Professors can do that, but kids don't learn that way, and even adults prefer to be motivated / engaged / interested ...not to mention gradually increasing levels of knowledge built each upon the last... Rather than merely told straight up: Here's the material, learn it.

That someone is skilled at moving people? Doesn't mean that they have malicious intent. Nor that it is in any way deceitful. Therapists in particular usually go to pains to lay out the entire manipulation process (treatment plans, goals, therapies/methods, techniques, etc.) that they'll be using to move you from point A to point B, C, D, E, ...X, Y, Z. It's a very collaborative process. From start to finish.

When people snarl things "Manipulative bitch!" ... Keep in mind the second half of that statement ;) That there is manipulative in a bad way.

Manipulate technically means to move... Exquisitely, expertly, & with fine attention to detail. <grin> You want the good guys to be able to do that, too! The people who want to see you succeed as skilled -or more- than those who want to see you fail.

Neutral skill. It's the person using it that makes or breaks it.

 

[Suzetig]

Of course there is, manipulation is underhanded and unspoken, technique should be open and transparent - I think the nature of the therapeutic relationship is such that we play out old/usual relationship dynamics hopefully with the result that they can be challenged, understood and set aside if not healthy or helpful. That's why it brings up difficult feelings etc.

 

[Supermoon2017]

Interventions may mean asking certain questions we wouldn’t think of on our own or other thi...

I have asked him if he said it on purpose and he said 'no' so now I suppose I must just accept that as is and 'trust' that he is telling me the truth. He apologized for hurting me but even the apology didn't seem sincere. It is not the first time he has made a mistake or has hurt me so it's not that I'm just refusing to see that he is imperfect and has the ability to do so. We usually talk about it and he apologizes (with sincerity) and then I am able to move on. I know some will just think he made a mistake and said something that I am blowing out of proportion and so hurt by due to issues in my past. I know that was the reason for the hurt involved in many of his other 'mistakes' but I just can't seem to be 100% on board with that this time I don't know why.