Learning true friendship

[trying2movefwd]

Through a series of unfortunate events, many depressive episodes, and ptsd at it's worse I came to learn the meaning of true friendship...those who judged, criticised ( in none constructive ways), or otherwise shamed, bullied, deserted, and abandon me were never my true friends. Thankfully through my heart wrenching pain these people were weeded out!
And my true friends stood the test of time.
I am now in a better place..not completely healed, but not requiring hospitalizations, and weekly doctor's visits. The time between appointments has increased and coping with life is now possible.
I've kept up with these friends...only two...but what a blessing to have genuine friends. . . anyway both mentioned contacting me at last interactions...so instead of panicking or freting.I waited patiently for each to be ready to contact me. I had done lots of contacting them until this point. I ended up waiting 2 weeks with one and 3 weeks with the other....i started to worry that they may not actually want to be my friends either. I thought about the healthy way of approaching this so I decided to call one of them. Turns out her spouse had been in a near fatal car accident and was on a ventilator!!! How selfish of me to worry the way I had been. Now it's my turn to be there for her. I plan on sending a card, and texted her to let her know she is in my thoughts and prayers.
Friend number 2...I decided to text and ask how she was...turns out someone she dearly loves is in the hospital and very sick...they keep running tests but getting no answers.
Both of these friends were troopers with me through all my crap...now they have crap and I just want to be a good friend in return. I do not want to fail them. Sadly though I still have bad days (less frequent now though) and on them I feel like a failure for not "doing more"...of course the hero child inside of me wishes I could make their lives all better. What lessons have you learned about friendship? Do you have tips to offer to help make a better friend. If you do not have any friends..what would you look for in friendships? Where is that perfect balance between never there and smothering someone? I have learned what a true friend is..now* am in process of learning how to be one.

 

[joeylittle]

Do you have tips to offer to help make a better friend.

It helps me, to distract away from my stuff by being interested in other people. So although you may initially feel too tired/down/overwhelmed to do any reaching out - go ahead and give it a shot anyway. You might be surprised how you feel better, just being engaged with someone else.

 

[Gamereign555]

I like a friend who is real but sympathetic. A true friend doesn’t bail on you when you need help. Just don’t be too demanding. No double standards. Things should sustain as equals. Don’t expect what you yourself wouldn’t also give. Respect boundaries.
Often what we are looking for in a friend is exactly the way we should also be.

 

[EveHarrington]

We all need friendships but if we are too needy from day one, we will scare people away. It’s good to let friendships build over time so that you can trust in someone and they can trust in you.

Balance is key. We need to give AND get! Of course at certain times one person will need to get more than they give, but it should balance out over time.

Boundaries are important. We need to be able to say what is ok and what is not ok in terms of our boundaries. It’s not good to let anyone walk all over us. On the flip side, we must be able to abide by someone else’s boundaries too.

Don’t be picky. What I mean by this is don’t expect all of your friends to always be there for you. They can’t. This is why it’s essential to have a support network and not just rely on one person for support. I don’t close doors on friendships if we drift apart for whatever reason. Life happens. I much rather someone feel the freedom to come back into my life at a later point if they so desire as opposed to feeling like that chapter of their life is over (with regards to me). Of course I do kick people out for good if it’s in my own best interest.