Do people who gaslight ever stop?

[shimmerz]

30 Signs of Emotional Abuse

Google search term: emotional abuse signs relationship OR am i in an emotionally abusive relationship quiz

I really strongly suggest that you direct her to the local woman's outreach program for counseling. Honest to god, I had justifications as to why everything was my fault, because he had convinced me so well. It took a trained professional to help me unwind what he had done to me.

This crap can (and did) get very dangerous. You aren't playing in a sandbox here. 2 of my girlfriends lives were almost destroyed by my abusers. And let me be clear - my life was destroyed. It is seriously twisted stuff.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

@shimmerz thank you, that is very helpful. I will make sure to send the article to my friend.
It's horrible that you had to go through such abuse, and I appreciate you sharing your experiences. Thank you for your advice.
Hugs if you accept them.

By the way, based on what my friend has told me, I'm recognizing about 22 of the 30 signs of emotional abuse. :(

 

[shimmerz]

Hugs if you accept them.

Thanks so much for your kind thoughts.

I'm recognizing about 22 of the 30 signs of emotional abuse.

Now, if only she could recognize them. That may take a while. I have a friend right now who is frozen through some very domestic abuse. I don't push her.... I know she has to figure this out and I want to be there for her when she does. It is so difficult to watch, isn't it?

 

[Gs172003]

Dead Link Removed

 

[Deleted member 19804]

It is so difficult to watch, isn't it?

It really is. But you're absolutely right; she has to figure it out for herself. I just hope she does before it escalates even further.


@Zoogal that is a great article, thank you!

 

[Gs172003]

It really is. But you're absolutely right; she has to figure it out for herself. I just hope she does...

You're welcome

 

[Kay Mouse]

I'm afraid I already know the answer to this question, but I'd appreciate your experiences and opinio...

Abusive individuals can pretend, for short periods of time, to stop using psychologically abusive manipulation techniques such as gaslighting, but it is exactly that, a pretense - usually to lull you into a false sense of security, because if they can abuse a person when their 'guard' is down, that provides them with a better 'high', i.e. the high they get when they see another person's hurt or anger. It's like a drug. I am fairly certain that maladaptive traits, which cause harm to others, can only be addressed and corrected through extensive, long-term therapy.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I do not think I ever have seen one change for the better yet.

 

[mumstheword]

Abusive individuals can pretend, for short periods of time, to stop using psychologically abusive man...

This has been my experience and, unfortunately, my experience has been extensive.

 

[Fadeaway]

@shimmerz Wow that link really hit home. It really explains the dynamic of a situation i was in 15+ years ago with my 1st husband and landlord. My landlord was in the position of the rescuer she bent over backwards to help me escape my situation but I wasn't psychologically ready to leave. It ended badly with lot's of resentment to go around.

So honestly, at the end of the day, all you can do is be there for your friend when they decide they are ready to leave. You can't convince someone who isn't ready to leave or is clinging to hope that things will get better. Don't be surprised if your friend starts defending her abuser when presented with this information. It will make a difference in the long run but she may react poorly to it at first.

Also another thing to watch out for is if the abuser thinks you are on to him and sees you as a threat to the control he has over her, he will try to make her cut you out of her life.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Also another thing to watch out for is if the abuser thinks you are on to him and sees you as a threat to the control he has over her, he will try to make her cut you out of her life.

That is a good point. I really want to tell him off, but I am sure he will take it out on her. And then he may indeed try to force her to cut me out of her life. I'm keeping my distance from him. Thankfully, I don't have to interact with him often. And I'm pretty good at acting friendly even when I strongly dislike someone.

I have sent her the article that @shimmerz
shared. She thanked me, but we haven't discussed the situation since. We're going for drinks with a few other friends soon and she seemed enthusiastic about the idea. I really hope she will actually come. I want to make sure she knows that we can still have fun together and I won't pressure her to talk about the situation.

They offered to watch my dog if I ever need them to. I trust my friend, but no way I'm leaving my baby anywhere near that bastard.

 

[Deanna]

^ Well, the good news is, she can't bury it, quite that easily. The guy I dated was PTSD (and I am too) and he pulled that number on me. ( gaslighted) I didn't even know what it was, so it was quite the education. It just means he is a controlling SOB and wants her to break down. That is what that guy was doing to me. He didn't like that I owned my own power, was a professional, he was JEALOUS ( most of all) so he wanted it. I was too broad of a brush to him to control.

EWWW!