Relationship Question for ptsd sufferers: can feelings go up and down?

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

My other half often says his feelings for me go ‘up and down’, sometimes he feels all that love for me for a few months and then something happens and it all goes away. And he breaks up with me.

Is that a part of PTSD, that feeling vary like that?

 

[Bristol]

Not for me, ive been with my husband for 10 years. I have times where i love him more than normal and times where i like an evening or day to myself, a bit of isolation but ive never stopped loving him and never broken up with him.

 

[Ronin]

Ditto on, feelings do what they do any given day, but to break up with a person repeatedly, and for the care to entirely vanish? That doesn't sound PTSD, or even off emotions zone.

Even off emotions, care stays as reasoning; wanting to make the other person be Goddamn Good, safe, secure, feeling alright, having space, safe in life, and the like - even not feeling, there's decisions and logic and loyalty not changing.

This sounds he's just messing with you and blaming it on PTSD.

 

[Gs172003]

Ditto on, feelings do what they do any given day, but to break up with a person repeatedly, and for the ca...

I have to agree. There's " I need space" and then there's messing with somebody's head. He's messing with your head.

 

[Sandstone]

Yes, my feelings go up and down, but I have made a decision that I am committed to this man and this marriage, so I try to ignore the feelings and carry on. I know I can be quite withdrawn in the bad spells, but I'm not going anywhere physically.

I have twice offered him the option to leave me, because I think I'm so useless to him, but he says he doesn't see it that way. I can imagine that someone might break up a relationship when they felt like that, and I think that it would be PTSD based, because I never experienced those feelings before PTSD.

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

Let me clarify actually. He has broken up with me once before. And it’s because he states ‘I can’t offer you what you deserve right now. You deserve better than this and than me. I feel dead inside, I don’t deel any emotions and it hurts me so much to see how in love you are and that I can’t give you that love back right now’

He is new to PTSD, just diagnosed recently. He doesn’t really understand it, also think he’s quite oblivious that he has it.

Prior to his PTSD, we had a 6 year relationship that was great. Both happily planning future together.

 

[Gs172003]

Let me clarify actually. He has broken up with me once before. And it’s because he states...

It sounds to me you have your mind made up and you want validation though I can be wrong. Regardless of what you do you HAVE to get help for yourself.

 

[EveHarrington]

Yes.

It sounds like the push/pull of ptsd.

But does that matter?

I’m guessing this is what you want to hear because if I’m right, he’ll be back.

I don’t envy you at all. This just prolongs your pain. I just went through a mixed message breakup and it was hell. This push/pull must be a lot worse. I’d let him go.

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

It’s not about validation, he isn’t a bad person who is playing me along.

Like I’ve mentioned, we had a stabile relationship for years before this.

I was simply asking, is this common with PTSD. I’m trying to learn what is a PTSD behavior and what is not. Even though it’s not that simple or black and white.

Yeah I agree, I need to get help for myself

 

[Ronin]

I’m trying to learn what is a PTSD behavior and what is not.

It may be a PTSD thing. May be an extremely common PTSD thing.

But it can also be a lot of different things ; depending on who he is, circumstances, the style they're given, the reasoning, the timing, following what - which is I think what we all were concerned about, so you aren't just stringed along with everything put as a fault of PTSD where it may be a responsibility and personality issue. :)

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

Hi Ronin.

Thanks for your reply.

He isn’t a bad guy, we had a well functioning relationship before all this.
I don’t recognize him as a person anymore, he gets angry/ frustrated in a matter of seconds. Whatever you say, If it’s anything that does not sit well with him he can explode with anger/irritation and frustration. He was NEVER an angry person before. He was actually so calm. Very easy going.

He is always on edge now, he can’t sleep through the night without waking up and feeling like his heart has sank or waking up on edge. He has nightmares. He has flashbacks and very intrusive thoughts on a daily basis. In the 6,5 years I know this man he has never cried, but after the traumatic event.. I’ve heard him cry countless times.

The reason why he broke up with me was that, about 2 months ago he stated that he was emotionally flat and he felt awful towards me because I love him so much. He couldn’t show me the same love as before, and I was indirectly pressuring him to feel more. And asking him: why don’t you feel more for me? Putting him on the spot. And he broke up with me because he couldn’t handle the guilt of making me feel horrible. We carried on seeing eachother and I changed my attitude to being very carefree, did not put pressure on him and treating him as a friend. The dynamic completely changed and he started feeling good with me again. Showing love and affection.

A few days ago I unfortunately reacted the same as that previous times, because he’s had a bad spell recently and been flat in emotions. So my first reaction was to question this, yet again he broke up with me because he did not want to hurt me and because he couldn’t meet my expectations.

This is the whole situation to give you some insight.

 

[Gs172003]

Has he made an appointment to see anybody?