Relationship Ended things, a few days after his therapy session.

[Freida]

I think its perfectly ok to tell him that it hurt your feelings. Being a supporter doesn't mean being silent and taking crap just because of ptsd.

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

Also, hope im not coming across like a bitch in any of my posts. Im trying to understand the situation, and it can be challenging to get your head around.

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

Thanks @Freida , i completely agree.

 

[LuckiLee]

J has three children with three different women. Doesn't speak to his ex's. Only communicates with the two oldest. Been fighting for custody and visitation for the third for years. Was a biker. Taught bible study. State Commander of the VFW. Owned his own construction company. Lost his own construction company. Bar fights. Alcohol. Drug addiction. And on and on. All pre therapy. Until he was a few years in he didn't know up from down.

Now, five years in it's still hard as hell. Sure, he doesn't run anymore. (threatens it all the time) But his feelings come and go. When it's good it's great. When it's bad " I'm lazy, using him, just like all the rest, I don't care about him, I don't love him, he's done with me and everyone, etc." (aka dangerous).

What do I do when he's in PTSD mode? I let it play out. Do my own thing. When he's being nasty I leave the room, house, or venue. I stop communication. If I don't it only adds fuel to the fire. I bite my tongue a whole bunch!!!

A relationship with a MENTAL ILLNESS (I emphasize that because I don't think you understand how serious this is!!) is very difficult. Even for J and I and @Freida and her hubby who work really hard to just have a "normal" day let alone a "normal" relationship.

This is week one of therapy? You are in for a bumpy ride if you're freakin out already! Instead of asking for advice maybe read around the supporters forums there's a whole lot of reality there. Also read the articles and watch the videos that are offered at the top of the supporters section.

Us supporters around here realize alot of the time our needs can't be met by our sufferers. You know why? Because they're suffering!! I have a great support system for me too. Everyone here. My family. My friends. My diary. Hobbies. Nature. Traveling.

If you NEED to be top priority in your relationships? A PTSD is not for you. And if you're young and want and family and white picket fence? Again a PTSD relationship probably isn't for you.

Good luck. Hoping and praying your guy continues his fight for healing. But again that's up to him.

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

@leehalf

I’m not a selfish person. I don’t NEED to be the top priority of anything.
Let’s me clear things out. He’s had GAD for the past 10 years, so all of our relationship.
Guess what? I’m USED to not being top priority because with GAD, everything else is.

I’m not very acquainted with PTSD. It’s new for him and new for me. I’m trying to differentiate what’s PTSD, and what’s just his behavior (if it’s even possible to differentiate).

I’m not freaking out. I’m trying to LEARN. Big difference. The thing about wanting excitment, I didn’t know that it can be a part of PTSD but now I do because of some lovely people on this forum. I feel like I can ask here, and I feel like it’s okay for me to vent my feelings here.. rather than pick up the phone and tell him about it, and add stress to him. Or to tell my friends about it and to again hear ‘he’s an asshole, leave him. He’s evil’

 

[LuckiLee]

I'm not saying you're selfish. I'm saying you have needs that he can't meet right now. Maybe not ever. That's the reality of the situation.

 

[Sweetpea76]

You have to make some hard decisions when you're a supporter to a mentally ill partner. If you choose to peruse this relationship there are going to be times that he cannot meet your needs. When he is symptomatic he cannot meet your needs or worry about what you're feeling. You will have to suck up your hurt feelings at these times. That is the reality.

It's not for everybody, and that is OK.

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

My problem isn’t so much him not meeting my needs.

It’s more his words, and the whole push and pull thing.
Just coming out with stuff like ‘I don’t feel the attraction’ I didn’t even prompt that.
I don’t mind him being selfish and taking care of himself. I want him to feel better. So why come out with stuff like that when I haven’t asked for any answers.

 

[Sighs]

Sigh!

I've been with my vet for almost 5 years. We "break up" all the time. He's stood there and told me that he doesn't love me anymore. He's told me he never wants to see me again. He's told me that he feels no connection to me whatsoever. He's told me that he feels completely alone in the world. Does it hurt? Hell yes. Like a kick in the guts every time. But it's because he is emotionally numb and isolating mentally if not physically.

Lots of sufferers jump from relationship to relationship, particularly when untreated. Of course, that doesn't work because their PTSD comes along into each relationship.

My veteran has 25 years of institutionalisation in the military, combat PTSD, TBI from knocks to the head, brain damage from exposure to blasts and was on an anti-malarial medication which is linked to psychosis and paranoia. Which of those "causes" any particular behaviour? I've given up trying to work it out. It doesn't really matter.

 

[EveHarrington]

So you rather he not be honest and hide the fact that he is numb and feels no attraction toward you?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Your feelings are being hurt by his symptoms. He cannot stop having symptoms to protect your feelings.

 

[Snowflakes]

’m trying to LEARN.

@BoyfriendqwithPTSD I’m truly sorry you’re hurting. I know you are here to learn. Everyone single one of us who arrived here came here to learn. This is a tough life we live, both for the one with PTSD and the one who cares for and loves them.

I might offer a suggestion. I found the greatest way for me to learn was to write a journal and I also started keeping a diary here. It puts your daily thoughts and feelings in one place. Also, read the diaries of all the supporters here to learn their daily lives. If you are ok with others commenting in your diary, then say so and people will. Sometimes people will simply “like” all your posts in your diary as a way of showing you they are reading it. That’s wonderful because you know you’re not walking this path alone.

I’ve been living this life as a supporter for almost 11 years. I’ve made a ton of mistakes but I’ve learned a lot. I do believe with all my heart that everyone who has been here for a while understand what I’m going through, honestly care about me, and are willing to walk this path with me.

You will not walk alone and your diary gives both you, and us, a way of knowing, and helping, each other.

Take care.