Relationship First time he’s isolated like this and i feel anxious

[Gs172003]

Did you all get back together? I thought you all broke up?

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

Did you all get back together? I thought you all broke up?

Not sure whats going on, he broke up then spoke to me again and spent the night then broke up, then reached out again. Im not sure @Zoogal
Last month and half has been particularly difficult for him, so its been all over the place.

 

[Supervixn]

Can I ask how he got PTSD, was it childhood trauma related or combat or?

 

[Gs172003]

Not sure whats going on, he broke up then spoke to me again and spent the night then broke u...

Why do you put up with it?

 

[Sweetpea76]

@BoyfriendqwithPTSD what is your idea of giving space? Legitimate question... what do you consider "space"?

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

Letting him do his thing, not being in constant communication, letting him focus his own stuff.

Contrary to what some has mentioned on this forum, I don’t have problems giving him his space. He asks for space and then doesn’t want it anymore.

One day he asks for space and next day goes back on his word. One day he seems ‘ok’ and the next he isn’t.

 

[Sweetpea76]

You're allowed to have a say in all this too if he is messing with your head... if you emotionally or mentally can't cope with all of this, it is more than OK to set some boundaries.

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

@Sweetpea76 I feel like has been taking me ‘on a ride’
It’s gotten worse in the past month and half. Been really up and down. I kind of just take it all because then I’ll get a call from him where he is genuinely distraught, extremely upset and very on edge. Really do hope therapy helps him.

I’ll continue focusing on me, some good days some bad but I hope it all ends well.

 

[Justmehere]

How do I handle the anxiety around him disappearing. I’ve been putting more focus on myself, started journaling, praying and being mindful.

This is how:

I’m seeing friends, starting with a therapist next week, meditating, been journaling some, praying lots etc.

And this is how:

if you emotionally or mentally can't cope with all of this, it is more than OK to set some boundaries.

As to if you will ok in the end - that is 100 percent up to you. You can be ok with or without him. Don’t lose sight of that.

Codependency/caretaking has been mentioned on other threads you have posted. Lots of helping professionals (including those in your profession) tend to lean to the caretaker/codependent side of things. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it’s quite common.

If his social media behavior upsets you, or his distraught phone calls are too much, and stirs up too much worry about him disappearing, then you have the power to block him on FB and set boundaries with the phone calls. It’s kind of hurtful of him to keep reaching out to an ex girlfriend who is still trying to get over a breakup, and keep reaching out to her over and over for emotional support.

He’s pretty clear by his behavior he can’t be in a relationship right now. Trying to anxiously hold on to him isn’t likely to work.

You can set boundaries. Take space *you* need, and this will probably help him dive more into treatment and get his feet under him better. Fear and anxiety can sometimes libel to a sense of being powerless. It is 100 percent in your power and control to get off *his* roller coaster ride.

Breaking up repeatedly is painful, and it’s going to feel hard for awhile, to get over this pain and the space he says he needs... but you are taking many good steps to endure and work this through.

 

[LuckiLee]

Why do you keep letting him come and go?

If it's hurting you so much you have the power to stop it.