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Relationship Seeking advice to improve my relationship

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Survivor2018

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Good morning everyone,
I have been reading the posts on this forum for many years and the support everyone provides for others experiencing trauma is so positive I wanted to try my hand at asking for advice.
I am a cancer survivor and I have PTSD and anxiety disorder; for a few years I have received really positive support from my community and therapists and it has really helped put me in a great place.
With that said, I am having a difficult time navigating the ptsd of my significant other. We have not been together in a relationship very long (4 months) but we were friends for a long time and I never knew he had it. He went through a divorce which brought up negative feelings of trauma and hurt which have triggered his ptsd, from a trauma he experienced during his military service. He went from being an active part of my life, (long phone calls for hours, texts, dates, besties) to shaking uncontrollably, no conversations, hardly looks at me, never talks to me and even worse, he is no longer affectionate whatsoever.
This has been really frustrating because I was perfectly fine being friends and not wanting any thing more but he pushed to be together and now his ptsd has taken that away. Having ptsd myself, I understand but I deal with it differently and I don't withdraw from him, so this has been the hardest part.
I want to be supportive and be there for him, but he has pushed me so far away I feel myself growing irritated, resentful and very exhausted from it all. I don't want him to feel alone and like he doesn't have support, but what am I supposed to do when he doesn't even see me? Thanks for any advice I greatly appreciate it!
 
Communication. Sorry my phone posted it before I was ready. He has been having nightmares and becoming more reclusive since the shaking began. His therapist says it's unresolved anger and that he should distance himself from everyone. It's been very difficult because he was a completely diffe rent person before.
 
Thanks for the link! I read the post thoroughly and other posts outlining the stress cup and it helps put things into perspective. I guess the biggest problem for me is how I handle it. We live together, we had moved in as just friends and then you know how it goes. So navigating the distance is hard with that in mind for me. I guess my next question would be, how do I show him I'm here while still maintaining a healthy distance? I am a Taurus and he is a Pisces (not that it matters but just to give perspective on our personalities) and I can be very up in my feelings sometimes. I have been on eggshells with mich of this and not saying a word so I don't stress hi. Further, but when we do talk, his dissociation takes over and he often has no idea what I am saying because he is mentally not in the moment with me. He forgets things constantly and has trouble with any type of rational thinking even with simple concepts. It's like he is think sunken place internally and the old person has been replaced with this absent minded robotic clone. I feel like I am fighting to reach him but I can't and he is slipping away further into madness. That's the best way I know to describe it. He experienced a serious trauma in the military, I know this from what he says in his nightmares. He often wakes up in a fetal position or as if he is being attacked. I don't pry, I dont push him and I know he is at his limit. I just want to help him without losing myself too.
 
When J is symptomatic he doesn't want to talk.But he also doesn't want to be alone either so I just sit with him in the same room.

As for the nightmares I just let them play out. If I were to wake him nothing good would come of it. And I could possibly get hurt. Not only that he has nightmares all night so I'd be on nightmare duty forever.

Has your guy shared what he needs during these times? He should be able to tell you what helps and what doesn't. You can't read his mind. When J is in a bad place this is when I do things for me. Shopping, girlfriends, movies, family, reading...

 
Also, search the forums for threads about the honeymoon stage. It seems when "sufferers" aren't symptomatic they are able to start new relationships then the stress builds and boom! PTSD is back in full force.

All I can say is go slow and let him sort himself out.

BTW... How are you doing with your PTSD? And congrats on beating the big "C" word! You are tough! Which is what you need to be to be in a PTSD relationship.
 
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