My husband was in the Marines for 5 years and is currently a police officer. He suffers from ptsd and depression which gets worse around the anniversaries of when he has lost guys. We dated for a few months and then got married on January 1. We haven’t had many arguments except for maybe 2 that were pretty bad but we were able to talk through them. We’ve also had only petty things as many newly weds do just adjusting to living with someone new.
We’ve been happy and just last weekend were trying to plan our vacation days this year so we could go do something fun. Then on Monday night he was kind of distant and ehen i asked about it he said it was because an anniversary was coming up on Wednesday and he was just starting his depression early because he had seen on the news that there were helicopter crashes where men had died and that’s exactly what happened with his friends. On Tuesday, he seemed more himself we were even making jokes and he seemed himself only a little sad. On Wednesday, the day of the anniversary, i pretty much left him alone knowing he didnt want to talk much. That night I wasnt able to sleep worried about him. I was in the bedroom and he was out in the living room on his computer and having a drink in honor of his friends. Then Thursday afternoon I sent him a picture on snapchat saying i loved him. In response he just sent a picture of his shoes. I suffer from anxiety so when i got home (right before he leaves to work’ he was on his way out the door and just said “see you tonight” and i asked “no kiss.” Then he quickly gave me a peck. Since i suffer with anxiety i asked him if we were okay, just because i need the reassurance that we were. He answered with a “we’ll talk when I get home” and left.
I agonized for the next several hours until he got home. I figured it was just going to be another fight we talked through just like the other 2. Then he said that we had some problems. He said he needed more alone time and i thought that was an easy solve. With our schedules being different i tended to want some attention when he got home and thought we could easily adjust this. Then he said he thought our views on religion were too different and because of that we needed to end our relationship. Im the more religious one and before we got married we discussed how we were going to handle it. So I mentioned that and even came up with a solution to the biggest issues he thought it would cause.
He said he didnt want to fight for our relationship and he was done. This was completely out of nowhere because we hadnt been having trouble. I asked him how long he had been feeling unhappy and depressed about our relationship and he said since Monday. That’s where its throwing me off. I asked if we could please try to work it through and he said he doesnt want to. We’ve only been married for 3 1/2 months so I thought we were still in our honeymoon phase. When i brought up that we vowed to make through the good and the bad and suggested that this was a part of the bad he got mad and said he didnt want to. I can’t make him stay if he doesnt want to, but I really think there’s more to this. He believes all this unhappiness and depression is from our relationship, but he’s having a hard time at work, his partner just gave his 2 weeks, people keep quitting so he can’t work his k9 schedule like he’s supposed to, and then there was a bad accident on Wednesday also where the injuries to one of the guys was the same as his friends. He keeps saying its not me and i havent done anything wrong so i cant heko but to think there is a bigger issue. He doesnt want help for his ptsd and depression even though he said he wanted to hurt himself the other night and even tried chatting with the suicide prevention hotline. He keeps saying its all him so I just don’t know what to do, but it seems like he needs help. He said he doesnt want it because they’ll just try to give him meds and then they’ll say he isn’t fit to do his job as a police officer. Im just so hurt and confused because i dont want my marriage to end especially if it’s because of some outside problem that I can’t help fix. What do I do?
We’ve been happy and just last weekend were trying to plan our vacation days this year so we could go do something fun. Then on Monday night he was kind of distant and ehen i asked about it he said it was because an anniversary was coming up on Wednesday and he was just starting his depression early because he had seen on the news that there were helicopter crashes where men had died and that’s exactly what happened with his friends. On Tuesday, he seemed more himself we were even making jokes and he seemed himself only a little sad. On Wednesday, the day of the anniversary, i pretty much left him alone knowing he didnt want to talk much. That night I wasnt able to sleep worried about him. I was in the bedroom and he was out in the living room on his computer and having a drink in honor of his friends. Then Thursday afternoon I sent him a picture on snapchat saying i loved him. In response he just sent a picture of his shoes. I suffer from anxiety so when i got home (right before he leaves to work’ he was on his way out the door and just said “see you tonight” and i asked “no kiss.” Then he quickly gave me a peck. Since i suffer with anxiety i asked him if we were okay, just because i need the reassurance that we were. He answered with a “we’ll talk when I get home” and left.
I agonized for the next several hours until he got home. I figured it was just going to be another fight we talked through just like the other 2. Then he said that we had some problems. He said he needed more alone time and i thought that was an easy solve. With our schedules being different i tended to want some attention when he got home and thought we could easily adjust this. Then he said he thought our views on religion were too different and because of that we needed to end our relationship. Im the more religious one and before we got married we discussed how we were going to handle it. So I mentioned that and even came up with a solution to the biggest issues he thought it would cause.
He said he didnt want to fight for our relationship and he was done. This was completely out of nowhere because we hadnt been having trouble. I asked him how long he had been feeling unhappy and depressed about our relationship and he said since Monday. That’s where its throwing me off. I asked if we could please try to work it through and he said he doesnt want to. We’ve only been married for 3 1/2 months so I thought we were still in our honeymoon phase. When i brought up that we vowed to make through the good and the bad and suggested that this was a part of the bad he got mad and said he didnt want to. I can’t make him stay if he doesnt want to, but I really think there’s more to this. He believes all this unhappiness and depression is from our relationship, but he’s having a hard time at work, his partner just gave his 2 weeks, people keep quitting so he can’t work his k9 schedule like he’s supposed to, and then there was a bad accident on Wednesday also where the injuries to one of the guys was the same as his friends. He keeps saying its not me and i havent done anything wrong so i cant heko but to think there is a bigger issue. He doesnt want help for his ptsd and depression even though he said he wanted to hurt himself the other night and even tried chatting with the suicide prevention hotline. He keeps saying its all him so I just don’t know what to do, but it seems like he needs help. He said he doesnt want it because they’ll just try to give him meds and then they’ll say he isn’t fit to do his job as a police officer. Im just so hurt and confused because i dont want my marriage to end especially if it’s because of some outside problem that I can’t help fix. What do I do?
