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That it should be BOTH specific as as larger scale . You will face issues I haven’t. Iwill face issues you haven’t. We will face issues in common or that we very strongly identify with or can with small leap. I feel also this is how ; with larger leaps , wejave hope of conveying to those not directly impacted because that’s how we get change.
Even pre trauma and last triggering incidents I would read some ‘grouping’ things and feel while we definitely need to have identification as groups for those who neeed that we also need to take these experiences and recognise they are applicable to other scenarios and identifications and realise that’s awful, that’s worse but like when I x ‘. By getting sympathy we’re empathetic approach is not possible is how we convey how damaging these events can be and that’s how we can get justice. Strong united voices a choir of different voices singing different but complementary harmonies
Hi there,
Great thread. I read about your perspective on male circumsicion once (I think it was in your diary). This is one issue that definitley needs some work and a place for men to discuss how it affects them.
@Marinna - I think the prevalence of male circumcision makes it easier for us as a society to accept the sexual abuse of men and, most especially, boys. (USA only, of course.)
Yes, it is a very toxic place that’s why I’m not there. That’s why I’m very glad you are doing what you are on here and other men. Thank you for answering my questions:)
At some point I think more needs to reach places seen as ‘toxic’. I do not specifically been by some random guy or at reddit.
Times up was successful because there was a movement then something HAPPENED.
I don’t see anything else like that. I would like that for people not in work based situations; a legal defence fund based movement. I would really like it not to be based on gender. I really only see it happening based on something like that. I am kind of pissed off i. Fact that who’s perps are in employment and there fore have access to contingency based action ( if the relationship is employment/ healthcare/ education ... inany way fiduciary attortneys are more likely to take the case civilly on contengcy basis because there will be significant payout via the workplace or institution insurance.
Mee, this is great! I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind “dumbing down” your explanation for me. My brain isn’t working to fully understand what you are saying. I’m sorry :oops:
Sure, I am not the clearest communicator either at times.
Point 1. Legal representation in civil proceeedings in US if you have an assault from someone who is in an employment situation ( or healthcare or educational) is actually already there . Sure everything could be better! But it exists. On a no win no fee basis ( contingency) . If you aren’t likely to win YES it’s difficult.
If however your assault was by someone you know ( which we know ismost common) who is not very very rich and there is no third party liability ( work place, hospital, university ) it’s incredibly difficult to secure civil court representation because no money will be forth coming but the lawyers still need paying.
@somerandomguy I'm going to toss this out -- not to upset you but to just give you something to think about...... because I see a lot of me in what you have going. If I'm totally off base I apologize in advance and feel free to boot this to the curb and tell me I'm smoking crack!
First --- I love what you have started here and I think it is an amazing thing you are doing. Abuse of men needs to be talked out and brought out of the dark well of shame and into the light. I can foresee you being a huge driving force on this topic in the future and am thrilled to be watching this process unfold.
But I wonder a bit if you are using this as distraction to avoid working on yourself? I am notorious for this - I find a cause or a job or a "thing" and put all my energy there because then I can skip over my own crap. It doesn't mean the topic isn't valid or isn't a place I have value. It means I use it to push all my issues to the back burner because it is more important. It's the ultimate distraction technique. I even did it here for a while -- until someone called me out on it. And they were right. I can't solve others problems as a way to ignore my own.
So just something to think about -- maybe a check in chat with your t? And again - if I am way off base because I can't tell the difference due to my own issues please ignore me! Because I don't want for one second to take away the amazing things you are doing here. I'm just a beeege ole worry wort.
@Freida - I'm not at all offended. Thank you for checking in! You have a valid concern.
I don't think I'm talking about this to the exclusion of working on my own issues. Actually, all I'm doing right now is talking about advocacy - I'm not actually going out and advocating (except here, which isn't very much). I really want to go out and do it someday, but I recognize that I need to do a lot more work on myself first.
I feel strongly that my own trauma and abuse story is tied up with men's trauma issues. I do feel very strongly about them. I feel a strong need to bring awareness. But I agree with you - doing that to the detriment of my own healing is a bad idea.
I think if I start having an issue I will be able to step back. In the meantime, it's great to know that I have other people looking out for me. Thank you.
I am a transman. The good side of this, is I've experience both sides. At this point in my life I've been visibly a male long enough, that I have fully stepped into that part of society.
The bad side, when these sorts of conversations come up, is I don't really feel welcome anywhere. And, to be fair, that feeling is not always based on how I am treated, but my assumptions (fears) of how I'll be perceived.
IOne thing I really want to know is it extremely scary for men just to work with women because she might accuse you of rape or sexual harassment? Does every man feel that way now?
Not from what I've seen. I'm always conscious of how I treat women. The only guys I heard complain about "me too" were guys who were on the far right/conservative side of the political spectrum and tended to already complain about that sort of thing. I didn't notice any difference in how they actually acted.
However, I did use it to get the attention of HR and management about a guy I was working with. He had some sort of mental or cognitive health issue so was a special hire. (I can't remember the term). As a result, the expectations for him were different. He was doing a terrible job in general but to me, the main issue, was the way he treated women. He'd ask them in appropriate questions. He'd get to close to them. Management and HR were doing nothing and "Me too" was in full swing. I sent an email and described in detail what I'd seen. I named several female employees who had expressed their discomfort in working with this guy. I said that with our motto of great customer service and in light of "Me too" did we really want to be seen as doing nothing? They actually ended up firing the guy shortly after this.
@somerandomguy I might not be male but I get triggered by #metoo as well. It's a different kind of triggering I suppose, but, I get what it feels like to see that shit and have it affect you enough to go out of your way to avoid it. I don't use any social media. I use this place, I use an IRC, I chat with people I've known on Steam - basically, I don't ever have #metoo or anything like that come up unless I have the news on TV or something.
For me, it's triggering because I am too scared to be open about what happened to me. Too scared of my abuser, too scared of other people's reactions, too scared of how they will see me after. It's frustrating to see people being open about it, getting justice (at the least, socially), getting recognition and support - and I can't be part of that because of how my trauma affects me.
. You will face issues I haven’t. Iwill face issues you haven’t. We will face issues in common or that we very strongly identify with or can with small leap. I feel also this is how ; with larger leaps , wejave hope of conveying to those not directly impacted because that’s how we get change.
