Struggling to find a reason to go on

[MrMoonlight]

It's such a depressing thought that we have fought and struggled for decades only to end in suicide. We owe it to ourselves to find that better state of being. We fallen to our knees in disparity a million times, and a million times we have gotten up. Please continue to fight because you are a warrior who doesn't give up. You make a difference.

 

[bellbird]

We owe it to ourselves to find that better state of being

I couldn't have said this better myself. You are worth that better state of being, @EveHarrington .
Your depression may be telling you that it's not worth it, but it is lying. Have a look back at all the posts on this thread; at the positive impact you have had on the lives of so many of us.
I know everything feels just too hard at the moment, but we know you will get through this. We're all here for you.

 

[Whirlwind]

Eve, I am so glad you are here and talking with us. We all know a few emails will lift depression and "poof" life is great again.

Your depression may be telling you that it's not worth it, but it is lying.

This comment really resonated with me....while in the midst I felt powerless and without meaning. I can't express it properly, the magnitude is so much more. But it IS a lie.

Life and You are so worth it! I wish we could be there in real life to show you how you make a difference.

You speak your mind...yesterday I did that in an uncomfortable situation in a public place. Got the store manager involved....a bit of a scene. But the interesting part...was the man setting nearby who overheard the whole thing. He approached me afterward and how he experiences the same issue and was so surprised to see me "take the manager" to the mat so to speak. I made a difference to this young guy....we talked for an hour afterwards.

In all seriousness....I thought of you and how we all can all affect one another in a wonderful way. You are doing that even now.

Its sucks beyond belief and I am struggling to express myself here as I would like too....I do hope you can feel some of what I am trying to say.

Keep talking, we are here for you.

Whirlwind

 

[EveHarrington]

Like I really need to see images like this in my suicide thread when I’m trying to find a reason to live.

Amazon fail.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Eve, one of the most important thing you've done is heal. It doesn't feel that way now, and when my therapist would say that to me I'd tell him to cut the happy thoughts shit. You have healed a lot. You are someone I look forward to reading here, and I'm sorry you feel like shit.

 

[Hopeforlife]

Eve, of all those bad days we have to try to take the smallest of achievements to continue the journey! You have come so far! Even if we go back to awaking each day and breathing, maybe eating and getting to the toilet we are moving forward. Some days we can take huge leaps and other days we just have to take what the day gives. Huge hugs if you accept.

 

[Mach123]

I hope you feel better.

 

[EveHarrington]

Today I had to promise my therapist that if I was going to act on my thoughts that I’d call 911. She had a cancellation on Friday so I have a second appointment this week.

 

[NightSky]

Today I had to promise my therapist that if I was going to act on my thoughts that I’d call 911...

I’m glad you have a second appointment. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. You’re doing IFS aren’t you? Could you be blended with a part?
It’s so hard to see that every day isn’t bad when you’re in the middle of a dark period. But you have so much future ahead of you. Healing is hard work. I’m glad you’re here talking about how you’re feeling. It’s all valid, legitimate. You’re hurting, in pain, feeling hopeless. And that’s so much to bear. But you’re not alone. And you are worth it.
One day at a time. Make it through tonight. Make it through tomorrow. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and don’t make sweeping generalizations. Make small, grounding observations instead, if you can. Keep walking through the pain so you can reach the other side.
I hope none of this sounds cliché. I know your pain is real and heavy and feels impossible to contend with. But you’re doing hard work to heal, so give yourself credit and be gentle with yourself.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m glad you have a second appointment. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. You’re doing IFS ar...

I’m probably blended.

My therapist said no more inner child stuff right now because I freaked out in therapy when she tried to get me in contact with my inner child. I told her how my ex used to push inner child stuff on me and I hated it. She now sees how much damage his “fixing” did and says we will have to get at the issues through other means.

 

[NightSky]

I’m probably blended.

My therapist said no more inner child stuff right now because I freaked...

Your ex therapist?

 

[eirecolleen]

Hi Eve, I know exactly how you feel because I have been there. For me, the things that happened had stopped me doing the things I really wanted to do. I don't know where I got the strength, but I tried to remember the things that I really wanted and even though it was difficult I took small steps on the journey to try to fulfil who I thought I should have been. I too have difficulties with relationships, fortunately on my journey I met someone who was/is patient with me. I think we all deserve to be the person we know we can be. Don't be hard on yourself and take small steps, you deserve it. I believe that there is more to us than PTSD, you are still young and when sometimes when you feel PTSD is all of you,remind yourself that it is not.