Strategies for driving to daughters wedding

[KwanYingirl]

I could use help developing strategies to use for a trip several states away for my daughters wedding. It’s next week and my anxiety and panic attacks are wearing me out. I worry about getting overexposed to pesticides, many people, and the traveling.

 

[Fadeaway]

Create a playlist of songs or relaxing sounds to listen to on the drive. Books on tape can help speed up the time. Study your route and plot out where you are going to stop for breaks, gas and food. Call your bank ahead of time and let them know you are driving out of state so they don't flag it for unusual use. Maybe get some of those face masks that Dr. Office use and give out to patients with coughs for places with smells?

 

[user27357]

my driving anxiety is over the top, all the time. I do believe that hypervigilance isn't a bad thing on the road and I don't try to chill that out anymore, it wasn't working anyway.
But, anger sucks and when I get triggered by a tailgater or cut off by a road racer or just plain overloaded by all of the tragically bad driving I see out there, I recognize my anger and pull over and check my emails for just a few minutes. It gets my mind off the road, and it has the added benefit of putting distance between me and the idiot that got me close to being angry and in danger of losing my hypervigilance and attention to my driving.
If I was going across country, I would be planning for early mornings and to be off the road shortly after the rush hour at the latest, no night driving and if it is after what people call the happy hour and I am in an urban area at the time, I am looking for a hotel and a comfortable chair. Major Highways are safer than side roads because everyone is going in the same direction and even though you are driving faster your risk of a head on is almost nil. nights on the freeways are a bad place to be because of all the big rigs and professional drivers pushing freight, those trucks are really very safe, except when they arent and I would rather be in bed than passing or being passed by a semi in the dark. If I had to make up time, I would do it on a freeway at night, if I had the luxury of plenty of time, I would drive from 5 am to 5 pm pretty much.

hope it is safe for you, I actually envy you, I haven't been on a good road trip for quite awhile. For years and years I would be white knuckle sweating the whole way and dreading it the moment I knew it was going to happen. Now, I would welcome the time away and be excited by the adventure. Time has helped heal me from the place I was in, therapy has helped me put my fears to good use and to maintain my (hyper) vigilance, the best tool I have for making driving as safe as it can be.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I wish I was excited by the trip, but it’s goingvto be 15 minutes of bliss for the ceremony followed by stupid drunkenness. If anyone is looking for me, I’ve gone to bed!!

 

[blackemerald1]

@KwanYingirl - may I suggest you map out your route carefully. Take your time. Add in extra time so you can more than comfortably get there with no problems with flat tyres and having to take extra breaks.

Try hard not to preempt the ceremony and afterwards. It will build up anxiety and nobody but you will suffer.

Have a good drive.:hug:

 

[KwanYingirl]

I had AAA make me a Triptyk.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Ugh now I am feeling so sad about my friend that died in Feb. I had a tattoo in her honor on a Tuesday and now she’s with me wherever I go. You guys are awesome. I miss having her to call and scream f*ck!!! When I’m sick from fumes, the pesticides that will be used, the smoke from the campfires.

I promise I will get out of this funk and your ideas are really good and I can reread them when I get there. I am the mother of the bride. I am doing everything I can think of to look beautiful for her. She’s very stylish and savvy and I’m an old hippie. I’ve been tanning (which is a great mood elevater), I’ll have my hair colored Saturday and we’re going together to get mani-pedis next week. I’m even wearing heels but I drew the line on a formal gown. No way am I wearing a formal gown out in the f*cking woods of the Pocano Mtns.

I will mingle and make time to visit all the guests and thank them for being there. I am an introvert so this will be somewhat difficult. The best thing is that all the cousins of my kids and my siblings kids will be there and they are a blast. I hope I get to sit at their table.

Just found out the people who arrive on a Thursday have to sleep in an 8 bunk cabin. This includes my ex husband yuk. I’m fortunate to have sleeping pills. I’m going to get either ear plugs or just do a shamanic journey. I usually fall asleep when I do one late at night.

I’ve also designated myself as the camp nurse. I've put together first aid supplies including lint rollers to remove ticks from clothes, pepto for upset tummies and eye wash and burn cream for the campfire shenanegins

 

[ms spock]

Can you take photos of every one whilst you are thanking everyone? That could take the stress out of it. You can tell people that you want to make a present for your daughter. That way you can say you cannot talk long as you need to get around to everyone.

 

[user27357]

Can you take photos of every one whilst you are thanking everyone?. That way you can say you cannot talk long...

outstanding. The thought of suggesting the tried and true "sorry, I have some place else I have to be" escape eluded me, where else do you have to be at a wedding? Taking wedding pictures of other guests- perfection. hope it works. Sounds like a good dodge.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Living in the 70s brilliant idea!! I’ve gotten out my digital camera. The battery’s are dead but it takes really good photos in low light. You just gave me the perfect “out”. My photos taken on my iPhone always have motion in them. Thank you!!

 

[Mach123]

I am going on the road again this week. As usual, I have mixed feelings about it. 2,647 mi, 39 hours. I'm leaving Sat. I think. Coming home, not sure how not sure when exactly. Taking my 20 year old son and a truckload of furniture to my daughter in AZ.

 

[ms spock]

@Living in the 70s brilliant idea!! I’ve gotten out my digital camera. You just gave me the perfect “out”. My photos taken on my iPhone always have motion in them. Thank you!!

Can you get some new batteries?

I am so pleased that what I wrote to you was useful, it is always nice when it works out like that.

I would also suggest writing out about 10 exiting comments! Things like:

"Oh I see someone I haven't greeted yet! Thanks so much for letting me take photos of this very special day!" (you walk off)

"As the Mother of the bride I am so delighted to see you here today! I am going to get as many photos as possible to document this truly special day! Thanks so much for coming! Please enjoy!"

"Part of my day as Mother of the Bride is to take as many photos as possible! I want to make it special for her! Thanks so much for coming! Please enjoy!"

"Oh there is a person that is on their own, I will pop over and see if they are okay! Mother of the Bride duties! You know how it goes!"

You can practise them in the mirror. You can practise them with friends.

Also write out some of the things that the more difficult people are likely to say - and practise brushing off nastiness, and stupidity!

e.g. blah blah nasty spiteful comment

you could possibly answer
"Thanks so much for coming! I am so delighted that everyone is here making her special day so special. I just have to remind someone of something! Be back later!"

Or "It is wonderful to see you! I won't have time to stop and talk to everyone today but I do so appreciate everyone attending". (Firmly turn around and walk away)

Do you know how to do a Self Compassion Break? It can really help manage difficult people in difficult situation. The aim of the practise is to give yourself physical comfort and acknowledgement of the suffering that you are going through.
Self-Compassion Exercises by Dr. Kristin Neff
and
Exercise 2: Self-Compassion Break | Kristin Neff
and this is worth a read and to print out so you can go into the women's toilets and read it to yourself.
Tips for practice - Self-Compassion

They may appeal to you or not as the case maybe, but the more options you have the better. Practising grounding and self care before you go can be useful. I struggle with all this, so I am on my Ls with it all.