Sufferer Sad, hurt, crazy, and confused - sexual & physical abuse, murder, & recent stressors

[Didn’t know]

Hi I came here because I’m trying to figure out ways to refrain from going crazy and my Dr. tells m...

Lost soul,
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Your feelings are perfectly normal and just " accepting what happened" is not a solution. Discovering that your life has been a lie goes to the heart of our sense of reality. It can cause extreme distress.

You are coping well in my opinion and weighing all factors is an important part of healing.
Some will disagree with your decision to stay but that decision is yours alone to make. One day or even one minute at a time.

I'm not sure if I am permitted to share specific resources with you here, as I an new to the site as well. I will find out. Your husbands choice to attend SA is a good start and they may have resources for you and for couples therapy. There are professionals out there who see what was done to you by your husband as a traumatic injury and there are places for you to heal.

I went through something similar 12 years ago and I had a complete breakdown. I'm am fully recovered and our marriage is good. Hard to believe but it is good and he is my only real support. We went to therapy for several years but it must be the right kind of therapy.

I will speak to the moderators and message you regarding resources after I know the proper procedure for doing so.

Hang in there you are not alone. More marriages are impacted by infidelity than are not! Well over 50_60 even 70% of people admit to having cheated. Message me anytime.

 

[Starfire]

Hi I came here because I’m trying to figure out ways to refrain from going crazy and my Dr. tells m...

Do you have close friends or family that you have as a support system?

Sounds to me that you are doing much better than you think or feel. You are taking steps to change things and deal with this horrible situation. IMHO you would benefit from a therapist that just doesn't say accept & get over. How does one do that? I'd want a T that would put me first..help me figure out what to do, how to do it, support me as I do it. Put me first. Please keep posting & keep your chin up.

 

[Lost_Soul]

Do you have close friends or family that you have as a support system?

Unfortunately no because we’re in another state and I know no one here. All of my family has passed, I do have friends that I grew up with and I consider as family, however they’re like me and just suck it up or tell me to stop whining about it. We all grew up with crazy lives and you learned to be strong so this would be viewed as a weakness to them, plus I don’t want to be a burden or judged over it.

 

[Lost_Soul]

Lost soul,
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Your feelings are perfectly normal and j...

Thank you so much for that, it gives me hope. Please let me know what you find out as I would like to connect with you. I’m new here as well and don’t want to be banned, this seems like a really good place with a lot of great people that are willing to offer support.

 

[Lost_Soul]

Sounds to me that you are doing much better than you think or feel. You are taking steps to change thi...

Thank you. You’re right I’m in a lot better place than I was.

 

[Didn’t know]

Thank you. You’re right I’m in a lot better place than I was.

Lost Soul
Yes I agree that we do not want to be banned and this seems like a great site.

The moderator got back to me very quickly. I understood him or her to say that I can share resources as long as I have no connection or might benefit. I do not. These resources saved me and my marriage that is the reason I wish to recommend them to you and anyone else. I too found several therapists who told me to move on or accept. This was not only unhelpful but harmful in my opinion.

Your history of trauma makes this betrayal a trigger and it can really send you spinning. You do seem to be doing much better than I was and I would encourage you to look at and read the information on these websites and proceed only if it feels right to you. We all need different things.

We saw the founder of " The Institute for Sexual Health", Dr. Omar Minwalla. His website or you can call will have other resources if he is not near you. He is also very expensive. He is a very compassionate and knowledgeable professional but anyone he recommends would be of similar thinking.
His website is
[email protected]. He practices in Beverly Hills,CA but he will have referrals .His education workshops alone, without counseling can make a huge difference. Read the information on the website.

A less expensive and more available in various cities and countries is a program offered by the Catholic Church. I am not Catholic and it is not a requirement that you be Catholic or religious. Retrouvaille was started in Canada and they charge a flat fee for the program. It begins with a 3day intensive weekend in which you do not leave the premises. Then weekly meetings for 12 weeks on a weekend day. Then you can follow up one time a month indefinitely with your original group. This is all included in the one fee. The focus is not religious in nature,as I said, nor do you discuss the specifics of the affairs. The focus is on expressing and receiving feedback from each other regarding your feelings. You can learn more on their website
www.helpourmarriage.com or just type in Retrouvaille.

These two programs along with a site like this for survivors of infidelity were what helped both my husband and I to find peace and recovery. It took a very long time

I will message you after I post this. I needed to process daily during the time I was in recovery and the website support group provided me with a place to vent harmlessly. You may also speak to me anytime. Eventually you won't need to talk about it but that is your call no one else's.

Blessings and I'm so glad I am able to help.