Has anyone worked on avoidant attachment in therapy?

[grit]

^^ Totally agree with this and @Suzetig 's post. I'd venture to say the process of do...

My point is absolute independence is not possible. If that is the case, those people live alone in the mountains.

 

[Tinyflame]

Nope they live around the corner, too. They're just off the radar.

 

[grit]

Even being part of this community requires one to have certain needs being met.

 

[Justmehere]

So, for example someone with an avoidant attachment style don’t necessarily seek out their attachment figure for support, care or comfort, they tend towards self soothing and self reliant behaviours in relationships, will be distant from their partner or disconnected. Their security isn’t found in their close relationships as it would be if their attachment pattern was secure. It’s incredibly simplistic to suggest that someone with an avoidant attachment style avoids being in relationships - simplistic and inaccurate.

Yep. I have tons of relationships. But when stressed, it often does not even cross my mind to seek out connection and support in those relationships.

 

[Suzetig]

@grit you are misunderstanding both attachment theory and my explanation - there is a school of though which says attachment style is behavioural (ie learned behaviour) however Bowlby argues attachment as an evolutionary function essential to survival. The concepts of secure base and internal working model are psychological constructs not behaviours - my argument is that attachment isn’t about the presence of close relations but of how people relate within those. How they seek, or don’t seek, proximity and intimacy, care and support.

You’re right in that you know nothing about me, you’re wrong in assuming the existence of an enduring relationship in and of itself suggest a secure attachment pattern in me or anyone else. I’m not entire sure what qualifies you to know more about my attachment patterns than I do, but you’re quite wrong.

And citing Wikipedia as your source doesn’t help your credibility. Showing me peer reviewed evidence that people with an insecure attachment pattern are incapable of forming enduring relationships would help.

 

[grit]

Yep. I have tons of relationships. But when stressed, it often does not even cross my mind to seek o...

Even a secured attached person may feel that sometimes. Humans are malleable!

Yep. I have tons of relationships. But when stressed, it often does not even cross my mind to seek o...

The question is what do you do when you are not stressed out? Do you bring that up and discuss and resolve or remind or whatever?

I think in order to have a healthy relationship, one cannot live like in silos...there will be some sort of communication for understanding and continuity.

Everybody acts certain way when in crisis...it depends on the crisis and also it depends how those around you may act in crisis.

Human relationships or humans in general are really hard to categorize!

My husband is very different than me but some times he is so different and I may go what?????I should be the one crazy here...LOL

You sound a person who is definitely more self aware than me...I like your courage.

@grit you are misunderstanding both attachment theory and my explanation - there is...

I never said enduring and long relationships are secured. My parents were married for 50 yrs and I am laughing at this....No that is not what I said.
I said (and I was wrong maybe) if you have a healthy and happy marriage for 20yrs that supports to you to your best of abilities, you have secured attachment in this framework. You may have avoidant personality or attachment or whatever but your relating to this relationship healthy is secure.

I digress.
I wish you the best whatever you have and believe. I feel now I am not understanding and far from my original thought.

All the best.

 

[Suzetig]

The question is what do you do when you are not stressed out? Do you bring that up and discuss and resolve or remind or whatever?

The whole point of attachment theory relates to what happens when someone is vulnerable and stressed. The key test for attachment style in children is the “strange situation” test, not the “what do kids do when relaxed” test. Measuring someone attachment style by how they behave when calm is a nonsense. The attachment system is activated under stress - that’s the whole point of it, safety and proximity seeking behaviours when under stress.

It’s one of the reasons why therapy both triggers attachment issues and provides a good place to work on attachment issues.

Please do some reading on this if you plan in any way to refer to attachment theory as a therapist.

 

[Justmehere]

Nothing demonstrates a secured attachment of adult as a long term and happy marriage.

Maybe, maybe not. If that’s what your marriage is for you, evidence of you having a secure attachment style, then kudos to you. That’s a big achievement.

I know someone with an avoidant attachment style who is very happy in a very long term marriage. They are not at all securely attached. They have just figured out how to make it work.

being part of this community requires one to have certain needs being met.

I am (clearly) part of this community but have very clear avoidant attachment patterns even here. I won’t explain it further, but it is possible to be here and still have an avoidant attachment style.

Avoidant attachment doesn’t mean someone is non-functional in relationships, or has no attachment in relationships, or lives up in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, with no connection to anyone at all ever. That’s just (extreme) avoidance.

Avoidant attachment style *is an attachment style.* I have avoidant attachment. I do form attachments.

One rule-of-thumb for preoccupied attachment is that someone with a preoccupied attachment style will find that they generally want to be closer to others than their partners do. A very simplistic way to look at avoidant attachment is that when in relationships, i.e, others tend to want to be much closer than the person with avoidant attachment.

Others generally want to be much closer than I do. All the time. Especially when stressed.

 

[grit]

@grit you are misunderstanding both attachment theory and my explanation - there is...

Also one more point.

From where I came from in terms of my condition and the kind of marriage I have, I can say I do not need a research done by others to know I am avoidant attached person but one who formed a secure attached marriage. If it happens to me, the basic assumption it can happen to others cause I am not a unicorn! LOL

Remember researches are not absolute! there are limitation to all researches.That is why you cannot have a research in marriage and then say this formula will work for every single person who got married!

 

[Friday]

It seems like there’s a miscommunication / misunderstanding going on between

- Avoidance (Symptom)
- Avoiding Attachment
- Avoidant Attachment (Theory)

 

[Suzetig]

There is a limit to research, but research in this area is very consistent, and clear in its findings around attachment. You may have formed a secure attachment in marriage but your assertion that that means my marriage is evidence of secure attachment is a fallacy, as is the idea that avoidant attachment means the individual avoids forming enduring relationships. That’s simply not the case.

Self diagnosis and assessment in psychology is remarkably unreliable no matter what you happen to be studying or your professional background - there’s a good reason for therapists being in therapy. Your situation is your situation - that doesn’t mean it pans across to anyone else. Properly structured research is needed to evidence that.

 

[Suzetig]

- Avoidance (Symptom)
- Avoiding Attachment
- Avoidant Attachment (Theory)

Yep, a blurring of various clinical phenomena.

Avoidance as a symptom may include avoiding relationships (eg isolation from close relationships, withdrawal, not forming close relationships) and is a symptom cluster of ptsd.

Avoiding attachment is another way of saying avoiding relationships because we come attached in relationships- nothing to do with attachment theory.

Avoidant attachment is a specific clinical explanation for a particular way of relating within attachment relationships which includes distance, self soothing and avoiding proximity when under stress.