T
Timlengibson
So I had this friend when I was in high school. We were in the same art class. Him and two other dudes would always make comments on my butt and how hot I was. I kind of just laughed it off at the time because they were my friends. A year after graduating one of those friends texted me saying he missed me and wanted to hang out to catch up . (I missed him too as a friend) however I had a feeling he was just interested in hooking up. So at first I was super hesitant and even stated I didn’t wanna do anything sexual with him. He acted like he was offended I even said that and stated it would just be as friends. (Gullible me I know) so I agreed to hanging out with him. We were in his room watching a movie and he started pulling moves on me. I would just laugh it off and try to change the subject. But he was very adamant saying I was so hot and he just wanted to cuddle. So after a while of pushing it off I said okay we can cuddle... then he keeps trying to kiss me... after several tries of moving my face I’m like okay we can kiss but that’s all!!!!!! But he wanted more. He wanted to have sex and he said that several times. I literally told him atleast 10 times “no I don’t want to ... I’m not having sex with you” I am in the process of putting on my clothes (still had under wear on) and he starts saying things like “what the f*ck really? You were teasing me. That’s so f*cked up... I’m gonna get blue balls now because of you and that shit hurts” at this point I start feeling guilty and that this is my fault and I owe him this since I came here. So at first i offer to give him a blow job so he “won’t get blue balls”, he said no that’s not good enough that will take too long. He wants sex. (At this point THERE IS NO WAY HE DIDNT KNOW I DIDNT WANT TO DO THIS) so I end up laying back down next to him letting him do it. But then the condom breaks. I’m freaking out thinking I’m gonna get an std or pregnant and wanting to stop. I practically begged him to stop. But he got mad “are you seriously not gonna let me finish? That’s messed up... atleast let me finish” so I say okay but make it quick. I end up leaving afterward and crying all the way home. At this point in time I really thought this was my fault so I continued to talk to him. As well as agreeing to go back over his house and had consensual sex with him (even though I hated it and even told him to hurry up ) for the first couple months I was like in this fog and didn’t even realize how I didn’t want to have sex with him. Like I didn’t let it effect me I was numb to it. However recently this has been bothering me and thinking about it makes a panic attack come. I drove near where he lived the other day and started crying. My biggest issue is idk what to define this as. Like I know that I did choose to lay back down next to him but I also told him no so many times!! And I also recognize that I did wilingly go back to his house to have sex willingly so that does look bad. Please someone tell me what this is defined as