The journey begins ... or continues ... articulating the rollercoaster that is my life

[mumstheword]

This is a Jacaranda tree, in summer it has purple flowers. These are EVERYWHERE!

 

[mumstheword]

On the way back to town ...these are "Liquid Amber trees (what a beautiful name)

 

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More Liquid Amber trees, and a newly cut field. This is the other side of the road to the previous pic :-).

 

[mumstheword]

Bare trees; deciduous trees, coz; Winter. We just had Winter Solstice a few days ago. Next year I will go to our Winter Soltice festival and show you pics.:)

 

[littleoc]

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gorgeous!!! I’m with @somerandomguy , I wanna visit Australia soon!

 

[mumstheword]

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gorgeous!!! I’m with @somerandomguy , I wanna visit...

Glad you guys liked the pics! Yes we are very fortunate. It's a great and beautiful country to live in, with fantastic weather, beaches, wildlife, space, quality of life, easy going and friendly people, (no guns!) Of course we still have our problems, but, all in all, it's a great country to live in :-)

 

[mumstheword]

I'm pretty quiet on the site at the moment. I'm sorry to all the lovely's here that I usually and sometimes support, in their diary's.
It's just ...that "hopeless and quiet" depressed part has been making herself very apparent. It's hard. I found out she's not fully quiet or silent though, she is quiet but she's also my poet part. She writes in rhyme when I feel so bad and sad and down and fed up and hurting, when the emotional state gets too much, she is the "writer" who rhymes. So she's not silent! That made me feel a bit better, coz, she has a voice!
Parts are interesting. Mine are more mysterious than not. My child is the part that I've been focused on attending to, more than not and the dividends have been huge.
I'm really seeing that I'm getting better in a big way and I'm sure it's down to tending to little me.
I think poet me is feeling very small, insignificant, ignored and inconsequential and thus somewhat depressed and demoralized.
Yes, I can feel that's part of what's going on.
Ah well, insight is the gold we mine our psyche's for.

 

[freebird]

Wow thank you so much for sharing!! What a beautiful country! My Dad always talks about his mission to Brisbane Australia, but I don't know how far away that is from you.

Keep looking after her. She'll find her voice again:hug:

 

[mumstheword]

Wow thank you so much for sharing!! What a beautiful country! My Dad always talks about his mission to...

You're very welcome @freebird ! Yes Brisbane is about 3 hours north of here. In fact, I'm going there to a private psychiatric hospital in 2 weeks for a brilliant trauma&dissociation program. I'll be there for three weeks. I'll be sure to share what I learn with y'all.
I'm glad you like the pics. The village and surrounds, that I live in, is particularly beautiful. I didn't have my phone with me, but just now, I walked down to the local store to get a couple of things and our resident peacock was on the footpath. One day I'll take a pic, he's absolutely stunning! The greens and blues are magnificent!

We also have chickens (chooks, we call them) and roosters that roam around the village and a resident dingo. We have so much bird life! Colourful king parrots and rainbow lorrikeets, and other amazing animals, pademelons, bandicoots, echidnas, anyway, you guys probably don't know what these creatures are and I'm just getting carried away bignoting how awesome Oz is. I love my country, you can probably tell.:p:x3::rolleyes::hug:

 

[Swift]

No wukkas about being quiet :)
Yeah parts are a headf*ck.
And Oz is beautiful.

 

[mumstheword]

So, I'm getting a little, mildly, triggered by the (nice) neighbor coming around everyday to ask for things.
I want to run.
I want to move.
It's my partner she's asking things of, so, I have no control over it.

Yes, I have already talked about it with him. No solution, just, I have to put up with it.

I just needed to vent.
I was one of those givey-to-anybody-who-asked peeps for years.
Asking is something I'm not good at.
I think I'm wishing it wasn't excruciating for me.
My neighbor has no problem asking for stuff on a daily basis. It just kinda shits me. I think too, because when I really needed help, when I was miscarriaging my 4 month missed miscarriage and I asked my guy to ask her for a transport favour and she said no.
Don't get me wrong, it's one of my tenets of respectful relationships; people should be free to say no to anything, but I have a trigger around really needing help and being refused help. I'm talking major life crisis needing help and being refused, time after time. Makes me feel worthless, like I don't matter, like I'm somehow not a human like other people, like I'm nothing.
Somehow I've grown strong and survived that shit but it's taken its toll.
The fact that she refused me when it was something so terrible and so devastating and not for any real reason, she just didn't want her car driven to the hospital.
Anyway it feels yucky for me that she literally knocks on my f*cking door every day. I don't like people just coming over. I'm minorly but still stressed and irritated about it.
Can't wait to move and have a space that's mine. My son's are pretty quiet introverts. I don't mind my kids social lives, and it won't be like this.