Sufferer Can anyone relate? domestic violence & threats of suicide, rape, & murder.

[Violettillson127]

Hi everyone, I guess I wanna reach out and tell my story about what happened to me, mostly because I feel like my story isn't really like anyone elses and I feel really alone in it. Here goes....

This is just the part I feel like was the most traumatizing of what happened, I had a stupid argument with this guy I really liked and trusted, we really connected and we had broken up after dating a bit earlier. The whole thing was really intense. And it had been emotionally/mentally abusive- lots of suicide threats and manipulation. Initially I found out it was just a threat, I remember that phone call and being so confused and running home bc I thought it was about to happen. But eventually I found out rather accidentally from the people who had overheard him talking about it (and reported it), that he was planning to murder me. He was going to purchase a weapon and stab me to death. It would have happened if it hadn't been stopped. Especially since I was a teenager and we went to the same school. After a lot of denial and drug abuse, I went back to him and was horrified. I thought I was gonna die when he locked the door, or when he came out of his weapon filled closet, or showed me his weapons- (the exact type he was gonna stab me with), saying they probably weren't sharp enough to kill me. I did everything he wanted to avoid upsetting him, and potentially getting killed (including sex: he also threatened rape during the relationship) and I have been diagnosed with PTSD. In one of our last conversations he told me he was buying a gun, and that he wanted to kill someone else.

I've looked a lot into the legality of all of this and I probably could try to get a conviction for attempted murder but it would be definitely difficult/maybe not even possible... I'm getting really f*cked up in things because I feel like I don't know anyone who has this weird thing that happened to them that is the premeditation, the coldblooded deviousness, and the abusiveness of the relationship. I feel really alone and crazy because I'm like how could I have ptsd I wasn't stabbed? It might just be all the denial/avoidance bs that comes with ptsd.

If anyone else can relate, I'd love to chat with you.

Thanks for reading,

Violet

 

[littleoc]

I know there are others on this site who have had similar experiences. Some of them may comment here, but others you’ll run into. I won’t name anyone, but I promise you aren’t alone :)

I know what it’s like to feel alone — and I’ve learned that no matter what, someone gets it. I hope you feel that way soon. You aren’t alone and you can get a lot of support here :)

 

[Swift]

Hey Violet, and welcome.
I'm sorry for what brought you here but I'm glad you found it. There are stacks of folks, who, unfortunately know what you've been through. I get the suicide threats, the absolute certainty that that's gonna happen, and the emotional abuse. I've found writing a trauma diary to be a great place to dump the contents of my brain. I don't even usually write about trauma, just what's going on for me.
Welcome again :)

 

[Sweetleaf]

Ugggg holy shit I relate so much.
Sounds a lot like my psycho ex and the person who is the reason I have PTSD.
I could go through your post and point out all the similarities, but, uugh. Just know there are many. You're not the only person who has had to deal with someone like that, and emerged from it with PTSD, unfortunately :(

I feel really alone and crazy because I'm like how could I have ptsd I wasn't stabbed?

Being threatened by weapons can be intensely traumatizing.
Being afraid of weapons being used on you can be intensely traumatizing.
Having to do shit to keep a f*cking psycho from killing you can be intensely traumatizing.
You don't need to be actually hurt with the weapons to be traumatized.

You're not alone, you're not crazy. You're just traumatized. But you can get better and this place is a great resource to help you while you're doing that.

 

[Violettillson127]

Ugggg holy shit I relate so much.
Sounds a lot like my psycho ex and the person who is the reason I h...

If you ever wanna talk, sounds like we could relate a lot.... Thank you for your support :)

 

[Enaila]

Are you in a safe place away from the abusive person? Until you are somewhere safe, it will be difficult to focus on healing. Living with day to day threat of being harmed, killed, abused is similar to being in a war zone. While you may know your enemy, the fear of harm is real and traumatizing. The fact your enemy knows you so well makes it even harder. Leaving an abuser is scary, but I hope you have been able to do so safely. There is help if you haven't. Never be afraid to reach out for help! It is a good step to be on this website.

 

[SunDog]

Hi everyone, I guess I wanna reach out and tell my story about what happened to me, mostly bec...

You can have PTSD from that. You don't need to question that. People get PTSD from witnessing violence towards others for example. They were not physically harmed but it is a memory and image they can't process. You were targetted, subject to extreme fear and coerced into unwanted sex while in fear foe your life. I think everyone can relate to the thought of "this doesn't happen to people like me" or "this is so bizarre it can't be real". You are minimizing what has happened to you and trying to cope with it that way. That in itself is still denial.

I just want to say... You are not alone. People around the world have had similar experiences to you. I just need you to appreciate that it is okay to feel what you feel right now. You are absolutely normal for feeling the way you do so try not to analyse why or justify your feelings. Your life was threatened and you have been through something very traumatic.

And thank you for being brave enough to share this. I still haven't gotten to the headspace to be able to share my story. I also feel like mine is unbelievable but it happened.

Just know, you have to focus on your own wellbeing right now. And may I ask... Are you still in contact or in the same city/town as this man? What is your current status with this situation regarding him?

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

I hope you report this guy. Not for the purposes of pressing charges, rather so the cops are alerted to his behavior. I think you’d feel horrible knowing that you could have said something if he later goes on a shooting rampage and you said nothing.