T wants to talk to husband's T

[loui50]

My t and my husband's t work in the same office. My t keeps asking for permission to talk to his t. I'm not comfortable with it and keep saying no. Would I be over stepping my bounds to ask her to quit asking. It really makes me uncomfortable. I'm open to having a session together. But not them just talking.

 

[Chris-duck]

I think if you're uncomfortable with it then it's totally fine to say no and to stop asking. Do you think you and your husband would benefit from a joint session with both Ts?

 

[somerandomguy]

Another possibility might be, instead of giving your T a flat "no," that you spell out what she can and cannot disclose to your husband's T.

I'm generally in favor of information sharing among therapists when it's appropriate. My T does communicate with my wife's T and vice versa, but my T has always asked me what is and isn't OK to share before talking with my wife's T.

 

[loui50]

Do you think you and your husband would benefit from a joint session with both Ts

Yes definitely, some time in the future. But he has seen his t only a handful of times and he has quit seeing her and gone back twice. I think he needs time to get comfortable first. Also what I want to talk about in a join session, I want to talk about with my t first. And I havent yet.

 

[whiteraven]

My t and my husband's t work in the same office. My t keeps asking for permission to talk to his t. I'm not comfortable with it and keep saying no. Would I be over stepping my bounds to ask her to quit asking. It really makes me uncomfortable. I'm open to having a session together. But not them just talking.

I definitely understand your not wanting to give your T permission to talk to your husband's T. I know it's pretty common to allow one's T to talk to psychiatrists and physicians, but I won't even allow that. The only way they can communicate is with me present or via letter (that I have a copy of). I've had a couple (and one in particular) very bad experiences with this - not going there again.

That said, if you are comfortable with a joint session, maybe you could suggest that?

my T has always asked me what is and isn't OK to share before talking with my wife's T.

I get this in writing now. My T shared something with a new physician that was unnecessary and created huge issues for me. Never again.

 

[Missycat]

@loui50 you are absolutely entitled to ask/tell your t that you do not want them to talk to your husbands t and they should respect your wishes. Regardless of the benefits they see in doing this it has to be something you feel comfortable with.

 

[MyWillow]

I think it’s your choice. I have a trusted GP, psychologist (who was my T and who now does only equine T with me) and a psychiatrist (who is much more trauma informed and now does my counselling) and I have given them all permission to freely discuss me. Because I don’t want to discuss me. But my psydoc always made it clear that it was MY choice. Personally I would be happy for my psydoc to speak with my partner’s T if only to explain where I’m at and what I need. I don’t think I can reiterate how important I think it is for this to be YOUR choice. It’s very empowering to learn to say NO.

 

[loui50]

Thanks everyone. I see her in 2 days. I think I'm going to just tell her to quit asking. I'm fine with her talking to my psychiatrist as that just involves me. I'm terrified something will get misconstrued and my husband will get misinformation.

 

[grit]

If anything makes you feel uncomfortable, you have the right to say no. I am probably missing some experience here but why do therapist need to have others involved in your issues? Unless you have marital issues that need the couple but I do not understand this involvement of third parties? other therapists of spouses???

To my own trauma ears, this almost sounds like you are not believed for your own side of story...your own subjective experience and the therapist needs external information to treat you BUT that is not how a therapy should work.

 

[Friday]

1. You’re completely within your rights to tell them to stop asking.

2. I’m curious WHY they are asking. Do you know?

Because what jumps to mind is that your T knows his T is giving him bad advice, but your T can’t tell them that, because confidentiality. PTSD taken out of context looks an awful lot like someone who is having an affair, at best, and is abusive at worst. Without either being true.

 

[hithere]

Thanks everyone. I see her in 2 days. I think I'm going to just tell her to quit asking. I'm fine with her talking to my psychiatrist as that just involves me. I'm terrified something will get misconstrued and my husband will get misinformation.

For good reason you have this concern.

 

[loui50]

2. I’m curious WHY they are asking. Do you know?

Yes. One of my traumas is childhood abuse that effects my relationship with my husband. My husband knows everything so that's not an issue. But when people talk things get distorted. Say I tell t something, she tell his t and his t tells him. It remains me too much of the telephone game. The message is not the same from start to finish. It scares me.