Still can't work - having a hard time talking about it with pdoc/t - considering disability - help

[Sweetleaf]

Humans contribute each according to their ability and each according to their need

I see someone had the Communist Manifesto on their reading list. Hahaha.

Finally a chance to be a history nerd. Lol.

Thank you for writing all of that - very helpful to read.

To update the thread: the call actually helped out a lot - I feel way less nervous about the whole process now. I was able to ask the person on the phone all the questions I needed.

Now I just need to check paperwork and mail it back if there's any changes. Then just time to wait.

She said that I might qualify for both SSI and SSDI at the same time - that would be great.

 

[blackemerald1]

Then just time to wait.

^^Well done @Sweetleaf - I know if you could work, you would and who knows... given a bit of time, treatment and management of your illnesses - you may find you can work. So don't give up on the notion of work entirely. :hug:

 

[Mr Man]

Great news @Sweetleaf. Does this mean you now have letters after your name SSI, SSDI ? I'm impressed.

 

[blackemerald1]

our name SSI, SSDI ? I'm impressed.

:hilarious: ^^ Mr Man :)

My first big laugh of the day. :)

 

[Stephani8o]

Sometimes I think my refusal to crumble is my biggest weakness. Everyone says I'm strong because of it but I don't feel strong. Maybe you are the strong one. I had two severe episodes last year, both mixed, one mildly psychotic. I never knew I had bipolar until then.

Now I'm working but I'm miserable. I have horrible anxiety every morning and on the weekends thinking about going back to work. My nerves are so bad I'm chewing my mouth to shreds. I'm still tweaking meds for the depression that started when I went back to work. I'm also trying to deal with the ptsd stuff. I'm so ducking tired of holding it all together.

I have a lot of respect for you doing what you need to do. You care about yourself. My tongue really hurts tonight.

 

[Sweetleaf]

I'm going to update this thread by quoting my own diary.

Dead Link Removed

Any thoughts? Reassurances? Guidance?

I'm so nervous about this whole thing.

Sometimes I think my refusal to crumble is my biggest weakness. Everyone says I'm strong because of it but I don't feel strong. Maybe you are the strong one. I had two severe episodes last year, both mixed, one mildly psychotic. I never knew I had bipolar until then.

Now I'm working but I'm miserable. I have horrible anxiety every morning and on the weekends thinking about going back to work. My nerves are so bad I'm chewing my mouth to shreds. I'm still tweaking meds for the depression that started when I went back to work. I'm also trying to deal with the ptsd stuff. I'm so ducking tired of holding it all together.

I have a lot of respect for you doing what you need to do. You care about yourself. My tongue really hurts tonight.

No, you are strong! I couldn't imagine working right now - and the fact you can pull off Bipolar with severe episodes, with PTSD and all that, and still work... Wow!

Don't think you're weak for not "refusing to crumble" - that itself shows you are strong. I'm coming to view applying for disability... needing disability payments to survive on my own... as something that's not a weakness. Like someone with a broken leg using crutches. Don't be afraid to grab the crutches if you need them. :hug:

I still struggle with my feelings of being a failure in regards to being disabled - but your words help me feel better about my situation, though I'm sad that things are miserable for you :( and I hope they can improve soon.

Don't be afraid to do what you need to do to heal - I know firsthand how difficult it is to reach out and try getting that help though - and how slow the process is >.< kind of puts people with disabilities in a bad position :(

I wish it were easier :/

Does this mean you now have letters after your name SSI, SSDI ? I'm impressed.

That made me laugh - lmao I wish it could give you some kind of qualifier, some sort of dignified social position. Acronyms to put after your name.

I definitely want to get more acronyms, that's for sure. Life just dealt me a shitty hand and I'm gonna have to play the game for a while to get a good one.

 

[blackemerald1]

I'm so nervous about this whole thing.

**I don't know your system Sweetleaf but I am sure it costs money to get someone to manage your money - huh? Do you know what I mean? The disability services would be unlikely to want to spend money for a service that is unnecessary in your particular circumstances - wouldn't they?

I don't know how you justify not needing a service but I would imagine if it came up your psydoc could describe your behaviour during extreme manic episodes - and report to them that you are not predisposed to 'big spending sprees'. I would hope they don't think there is a one size fits all for Bipolar. Idk...

some sort of dignified social position. A

I know exactly what you mean. Going on disability is a huge step. But please keep remembering you have not lost one ounce of dignity by being ptsd and Bipolar. You are still you! You still have your soul that hasn't been disabled.

I'm gonna have to play the game for a while to get a good one.

^^Yes - and please remember there are many, many famous and accomplished people who were and are Bipolar and a lot of them were on pensions and benefits when they did astonishingly big things with their lives.

You are handling your new diagnosis so very well and you have your entire life ahead of you still.

It is going to work out for you. I cannot imagine otherwise :)

Remember when some doors slam shut, other's swing open... that happens to all of us too.

:hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

Qualifying for both SSI and SSDI just means you’re on the very low end of SDDI and the SSI gives you a slight bump to some threshold number. Of course this all depends on how much you’ve paid in and your quarters, etc.

 

[Friday]

Any thoughts? Reassurances? Guidance?

One of the first things I do when working is to hire an accountant.

:sneaky: Whilst I used to go to firms I’ve found Stay At Home Parents of young children to be the BEST resource, because they’re going insane and Please please please lemme use my brain just ONCE this week! Numbers! I want numbers! Any set of numbers will do! And not only cost less than firms, but are more fun to work with. They’re still CPAs, just with a very limited number of clients.

Money goes into one account (that they have access to), then they pay all my bills out of that, and disperse the rest into my other accounts as we’ve discussed that they don’t have access to (personal spending // short term savings -I nickname this the OSF -Oh Shit Fund- for those things that seem to crop up every dang month, whether it’s car repairs, or a forgotten birthday, or a funeral to fly to, or insurance not paying in a timely manner, etc. // long term savings // etc.) and then I get a printout of the whole thing.

To date... they have always paid for themselves in the first month. By saving me the late fees! :roflmao: OMFG. Accountants and Maids. COD gifts from Gawd. I tell ya.

So if a representitive Payee IS recommended? We’re not talking about the check going to your parents who will give you an allowance (maybe), plus chapter and verse (bitch, moan, whine, complain you’re not going to buy THAT are you???) on what/how you spend your money. (Well, I suppose you could choose a busybody relative if you have your heart set on it ;) ), but someone like my accountant, who disperses things at MY direction, and that’s it. No fuss, no muss, Easy Button.

 

[Sweetleaf]

@Friday funnily enough, my mom, who was very abusive when I was a kid (and still is abusive), is the lead accountant for a big company who has stuff in multiple states.

I read up on representative payee stuff and I'm glad that if they go like "bipolar 1 with severe mania = representative payee!" - I'll be able to tell them that my family, especially my mother, is abusive, and I don't want any of them to be the representative payee. At least personal choice of who you want it to be is taken into consideration. Also, appeals and stuff.

But I'm pretty sure if my doc says I can handle my own finances, they'll let me handle them. At least from what I've read.

Still. Just another thing for my brain to latch on to and worry about. Stupid brain lmao.