DID Does this sound a bit like ddnos?

[Deleted member 47600]

Derealization and depersonalization that's already been 'confirmed' (if you will) by a professional
Forgetting whole chunks of time and having no idea what I've done (even managed to go horse riding and have no clue how I managed that)
My whole life being a bit of a blurr especially 2011-2016 Is very very patchy
Conversations in my head by people. Ones a bit like a protector- telling me to do things I'm too shy to do. One is very young who just comments on a few things who just wants to stay very safe and is a bit of a lost soul. seems quite quiet and scared and I can't communicate with her. And one which is a bit scary who tells me to barge through crowds and all the things that are just socially unacceptable!I don't feel like these 'voices are there all the time. Mainly when I'm dissociated or after a flashback.
Feeling like I'm shrinking, then looking at myself in the mirror and seeing a younger version of myself (except I had blue eyes for some reason?) And not being able to control what i was doing for that time?! (Maybe I was seeing that little girl inside my head- I'm not too sure)
I'm not aware of ever 'switching' though?!
I'm just asking for opinions. I'm trying to figure this out. I live in a mh residential home but no one gets this. Blaming it on phycosis which doesn't fit at all... if you've got any questions I'm happy to reply I'm just quite worried! Thanks in advance

 

[Abstract]

As someone with a lot of dissociation but no DID I had no concept of a timeline in my life. My life is mostly not there in my memory or patched together from photographs and others stories. Some short years are pretty clear and with much more. Mostly pre 6 years and then late life. I have discord and conflict internally but have never physically heard someone else in my head. Have seen myself shrinking in a derealised depersonalised way and in a flashback way but not to someone different to me at that age. Also have experienced seeing things that werent there in a psychotic depression sense but what you describe doesn't fit my specific experience. Have you seen a pdoc with a dissociation speciality?

 

[Deleted member 47600]

As someone with a lot of dissociation but no DID I had no concept of a timeline in my life. My life is mostly not there in my memory or patched together from photographs and others stories. Some short years are pretty clear and with much more. Mostly pre 6 years and then late life. I have discord and conflict internally but have never physically heard someone else in my head. Have seen myself shrinking in a derealised depersonalised way and in a flashback way but not to someone different to me at that age. Also have experienced seeing things that werent there in a psychotic depression sense but what you describe doesn't fit my specific experience. Have you seen a pdoc with a dissociation speciality?

I haven't, no. My pdoc doesn't specialise in it and I doubt they'll get me one to see. I think mine specialises in personality disorder (which I don't have) which doesn't make sense but that's the nhs and England for ya... I guess

 

[Abstract]

Personally if you leave this up to nhs I think you will be in trouble. They cant even handle ptsd. Can you find the finances to get an evaluation of your own? If not can you approach other organisations that could help and be persistent and relentless. Get others to help you if you can.

Where are you at on a wider level? Have you been diagnosed with ptsd? They obviously want to diagnose you with psychosis. Anything else? What resources have you tried

 

[Deleted member 47600]

Personally if you leave this up to nhs I think you will be in trouble. They cant even handle ptsd. Can you find the finances to get an evaluation of your own? If not can you approach other organisations that could help and be persistent and relentless. Get others to help you if you can.

Where are you at on a wider level? Have you been diagnosed with ptsd? They obviously want to diagnose you with psychosis. Anything else? What resources have you tried

I no where near have the money for private. I've diagnosed ptsd, anorexia and major depressive disorder. Although I live in a personality disorder house because no where else would accept me. They wouldn't be happy if I got other organisations involved. I'm just a 16 year old troubled girl to them. Phycosis is an easy way out for them.

Personally if you leave this up to nhs I think you will be in trouble.

I'm afraid I know this all too well though... I only got diagnosed because I was In hospital for 2 years

 

[joeylittle]

I'm just asking for opinions. I'm trying to figure this out. I live in a mh residential home but no one gets this. Blaming it on phycosis which doesn't fit at all

Well, it could be psychosis.

It could be any number of things.

I'm not saying the mental health professionals you are interacting with right now are right - or even any good (and it sounds like that might be part of the problem, or at least that's how I'm reading @Abstract's take on things in . the NHS) - but you've posted a lot about trying to figure out what's wrong with you, and in a lot of ways you're in the worst position to be the person solving that puzzle.

Much of the toolkit that is used by people with personality disorders is identical for the ways you can learn to manage aspects of PTSD. It's not going to be everything, but it will be very very useful. So if you can take advantage of any of that support system that you're living in, you should - whether your diagnosis fits a personality disorder or not.

Have you ever sustained a significant head injury? Or, have you been given any neurological testing, maybe while you were in hospital?

And (forgive me if you've mentioned this elsewhere), do you mind saying how old you are, ish?

 

[Deleted member 47600]

Well, it could be psychosis.

It could be any number of things.

I'm not saying the mental health professionals you are interacting with right now are right - or even any good (and it sounds like that might be part of the problem, or at least that's how I'm reading @Abstract's take on things in . the NHS) - but you've posted a lot about trying to figure out what's wrong with you, and in a lot of ways you're in the worst position to be the person solving that puzzle.

Much of the toolkit that is used by people with personality disorders is identical for the ways you can learn to manage aspects of PTSD. It's not going to be everything, but it will be very very useful. So if you can take advantage of any of that support system that you're living in, you should - whether your diagnosis fits a personality disorder or not.

Have you ever sustained a significant head injury? Or, have you been given any neurological testing, maybe while you were in hospital?

And (forgive me if you've mentioned this elsewhere), do you mind saying how old you are, ish?

I'm 16 ((:
No I've never had a head injury or any proper testing (expensive)
I don't know. I just thought maybe ddnos because I fit everything except the distinct different personality part and the voice things do play a big part in my decisions in life but why do I know haha. Maybe it's just my subconscious when I'm dissociated. I just feel like I'm going crazy and trying to find answers where I feel like I'm not getting listened too. I always thought the whole point of phycosis was is that you lose sense of reality which I feel like I'm definitely not. Just doesn't really fit and some of the support workers agree that it's not phycosis.

 

[Abstract]

Ah, I now remember your previous thread, Touching on what Joeylittle said I or any of us of course cant judge on whether its psychosis or not. I have to say though, just from what you describe before I think its worth pursuing a second opinion. if this is a real concern, I thought that the psychosis stuff was coming from the nursing staff and not the pdoc? Has someone officially diagnosed this now rather than fearing you are heading in that direction? I thought that they were rather perceiving you being in crisis and heading towards a psychotic break?

You are extremely young to be shouldering so much.

You are in personality disorder fascility because of need but has anyone diagnosed you with a personality disorder?

If I am understanding your diagnoses so far are: Dissociation and derealisation (as part of ptsd) , anorexia, major depressive disorder and ptsd? It doesnt sound like you have been diagnosed with psychosis.

 

[Deleted member 47600]

Ah, I now remember your previous thread, Touching on what Joeylittle said I or any of us of course cant judge on whether its psychosis or not. I have to say though, just from what you describe before I think its worth pursuing a second opinion. if this is a real concern, I thought that the psychosis stuff was coming from the nursing staff and not the pdoc? Has someone officially diagnosed this now rather than fearing you are heading in that direction? I thought that they were rather perceiving you being in crisis and heading towards a psychotic break?

You are extremely young to be shouldering so much.

You are in personality disorder fascility because of need but has anyone diagnosed you with a personality disorder?

If I am understanding your diagnoses so far are: Dissociation and derealisation (as part of ptsd) , anorexia, major depressive disorder and ptsd? It doesnt sound like you have been diagnosed with psychosis.

I haven't been officially diagnosed with phycosis I'm just very very worried it's heading that way. I was just asking for opinions to see if (if it comes to it) I could purpose something. Or figure it out somehow?
I got very upset over everything the other night and blurted how I was feeling out and I'm just scared when I next see my pdoc that that'll be the outcome.

I've changed pdocs recently and this one definitely doesn't understand. This pdoc just goes off what nursing staff say. I'm in a bit of a sticky situation.

No I don't have a personality disorder. Beats me to why I'm here. I think because a lot of people with personality disorders stem from trauma? But they're shocking with even ptsd. All they know is bloody distraction techniques. Not a lot on grounding.

 

[Reflections]

I'm not aware of ever 'switching' though?!

Switching confused me for some time. You'll see and read examples of dramatic switching (ex: blacking out, going limp, adult acting just like a child, etc.). Not all switching is like this. Switching can be, and often is, non obvious to an on-looker or could look like mood swings. If there's some degree of co-consciousness you may not black out but remember the event.

The nature of DID and OSDD is to remain hidden, even to the person experiencing it. That's probably why it goes unnoticed by the public and therapists.

Feeling like a younger self, having no control of behavior can be a sign of a switch. The blacking out can be a sign of a switch.

Passive influence can be a more common experience (thoughts/voices) than active influence (switching). Switching doesn't have to happen a lot and a lot of switching could be a sign of stress.

Some resources:

13 Misconceptions About Dissociative Identity Disorder

Switching and Passive Influence

About Alter Switching in Dissociative Identity Disorder | HealthyPlace

I have alters, my switches if noticed probably just looks like mood swings. Even I just attributed my alters as just "moods" or facets of my personality. It wasn't obvious to me at all. It was only under a lot of stress my behavior/feelings were so fragmented and "other" that I noticed something was up and it could be DID related (also having a better understanding of dissociation otherwise I'd never think DID). After a few experiences I can't explain (one ex: feelings of maleness and happiness taking over after stressful events), I accepted I had alters and probably have OSDD.

I've only been aware and accepting for some months, but I still don't always know when I switch and especially who switched in. It's not super obvious all the time even to me. There are days things are so calm and quiet I kind of go into denial about it. If I wasn't stressing myself out from therapy and recent life events I might not be switching as much as I am.

As far as I know, getting a DID or OSDD diagnosis in the UK is difficult. Private practice would be the way to go. I'm not sure what it's like in the UK, but sometimes therapists are willing to do brobono work or give a discount. So maybe contacting several therapists would give you some options.

If it is OSDD, you could still benefit from things like CBT, emotional regulation skills, or treatments that help ptsd.

 

[Friday]

Conversations in my head by people. Ones a bit like a protector- telling me to do things I'm too shy to do. One is very young who just comments on a few things who just wants to stay very safe and is a bit of a lost soul. seems quite quiet and scared and I can't communicate with her. And one which is a bit scary who tells me to barge through crowds and all the things that are just socially unacceptable!

Just so you know... all of ^^^this^^^ is also very normal & super common even for people with no disorder whatsoever.

As @scout86 ’s therapist says (I love her therapist! :inlove: ) The voices in your head? We call those, thoughts.

People think in a lot of different ways. Some people see things in their mind’s eye, others listen/talk to themselves, some people feel rather than using words or images.

Having an ‘internal dialogue’? Requires 2 or more speakers. In your own mind. Similarly, being of 2 minds about something? Also requires independent & conflicting thoughts / feelings around the same subject. Listening to the quiet voice of your conscience? Screaming silently in frustration? Cheering yourself on? Speaking very sternly to yourself? These -and countless others- are all things that virtually everyone does. No dissociative disorder, or delusions, or psychosis necessary.

Moving along the dissociative spectrum simply takes very normal human traits, like thinking, to the extreme. It’s not like it’s not normal to have thoughts, and the end goal won’t be that you don’t think. It’s not wrong to be thinking. It’s not wrong to have different perspectives on things.

So whilst there may well be disorder stuff in play? It’s also very normal.

 

[Ronin]

Private practice would be the way to go.

Yep, AFAIK there are several private therapists in the UK working with D.I.D. set of issues, or trauma types frequently bringing it on, not requiring an official diagnosis of it or a referral of someone else, either. So definitely reachable and established.