Trying to Understand

[EveHarrington]

...but, he doesn’t want to be by himself 24/7/365. He wants some human contact, and it seems that you want more. There are many different kinds of relationships. I don’t think it’s fair to say he shouldn’t have pursued you unless he wanted exactly what you wanted out of a relationship. This is why extended dating is recommended, so you can get to know one another and determine if you truly are compatible.

 

[Grace1]

...but, he doesn’t want to be by himself 24/7/365. He wants some human contact, and it seems that you want more. There are many different kinds of relationships. I don’t think it’s fair to say he shouldn’t have pursued you unless he wanted exactly what you wanted out of a relationship. This is why extended dating is recommended, so you can get to know one another and determine if you truly are compatible.

No it’s not wanting exactly what I want. If I ask him to do anything the answer is no. I just got a new job so I will not see him and now he’s like oh you deserve better... I’m just frustrated to say the least. I am tired because if it were me I would do whatever it took, but it’s not me. Sometime I think he also doesn’t think outwardly - he’s in his head.

 

[OrangeJulius]

I suggest reading around this site more. I think more will click and make sense for you.

if it were me I would do whatever it took, but it’s not me.

You're right. It's not you. And you can only control your own actions. Its VERY frustrating. That frustration may not go away. I know my own frustration with this very thing has only gotten worse. I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 years. He has not ever sought treatment for his PTSD. He says there are others worse than him that need it more. He says he strong and can handle it. He says its not worth digging in his past. It is worse now than it was 5 years ago....that or he let's me see more than I used to.

he’s in his head.

Yup. He cant turn his head off. Check out the What are they thinking thread by freida.

 

[Grace1]

I just want him to let me in a little bit, I guess it takes time. He will Ben retiring in three years and I wonder how that will impact his mindset. I read quite a bit but everyone is different. How many good days so you have?

 

[Grace1]

I suggest reading around this site more. I think more will click and make sense for you.



You're right. It's not you. And you can only control your own actions. Its VERY frustrating. That frustration may not go away. I know my own frustration with this very thing has only gotten worse. I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 years. He has not ever sought treatment for his PTSD. He says there are others worse than him that need it more. He says he strong and can handle it. He says its not worth digging in his past. It is worse now than it was 5 years ago....that or he let's me see more than I used to.


Yup. He cant turn his head off. Check out the What are they thinking thread by freida.

Thank you I will

 

[Grace1]

Can you recommend a good book to read PTSD?

 

[somerandomguy]

If someone I was with called me cowardly, I would be out of there so fast it would make their head swim.

Some days it's all I can do to just stay alive. If that's cowardly, then ... I don't know how to finish that sentence. "Cowardly." What an absolutely deplorable thing to say.

 

[HopefulD]

If someone I was with called me cowardly, I would be out of there so fast it would make their head swim.

Some days it's all I can do to just stay alive. If that's cowardly, then ... I don't know how to finish that sentence. "Cowardly." What an absolutely deplorable thing to say.

She doesn't understand the trauma and the thought process of the sufferer completely. While her choice of words may offend, the hurt and confusion she feels is real. Many of us who are supporters go through alot of anger trying to understand PTSD.

 

[somerandomguy]

@HopefulD - you are right. It's good to try to understand, and us sufferers can be really maddening.

I'm not sure why anyone would want to stay with someone they consider to be a coward, however.

 

[Grace1]

Maybe it was poor wording on my part. If he says that he wants to be better and I asked him about counseling and his reply something’s don’t need to be said - then he does really want counseling. Maybe I just want him to fight - I see sometimes he will fight for other things, even for other people in his life, it just angers me because with the PTSD he gets in his head and his self worth he views differently. I was in no way trying to be offensive. I’m really trying to understand. I try and understand how he can talk to me in person and call me from work, but he won’t communicate the same way from his house.
It’s like I’m the same person, he knows and trust me but he says it’s different at home - it’s a whole lot to take in.

 

[somerandomguy]

@Grace1 - us sufferers can get pretty easily offended about this stuff. I should have given you the benefit of the doubt because you're really stuck between a rock and a hard place.

What makes sense to you, that he should be fighting his illness, may not have any meaning to him whatsoever. In his mind, by going to work every day, he is fighting it. It makes sense to me, too. By doing his job, by going home to whatever situation he has there, he's expending every ounce of energy he has. Whatever you want him to do on top of that is not going to happen, because he is literally already doing all he can do.

 

[HopefulD]

@HopefulD - you are right. It's good to try to understand, and us sufferers can be really maddening.

I'm not sure why anyone would want to stay with someone they consider to be a coward, however.

I understand. I'm seeing this from the outside of this cross conversation. I know I get upset when in this world someone knows they have a problem, knows help is available but is in unwilling to help themselves. Yet on the sufferers side it's a living hell and going for therapy for me was like ripping off Band-Aids and bleeding again so which hell was better?? Neither. Not having trauma and watching someone sufferer when help is available really does seem cowardly when you don't have your own trauma/pain to relate to. This whole PTSD and it's issues is maddening.