Sad thing - When you tell your therapist all your abuse and she can’t hug you because of boundaries.

[Snowflake]

What about saying you would like to discuss the concept of touch in therapy. If that feels too hard you could start discussing touch in general. Then bring up comfort etc. See where it takes you. Think of it as a scientific investigation. ;-)

I can try :)

 

[Kubash16]

I asked her on Thursday if I was too damaged or dirty to get a hug. She said no it was boundaries. Then she said it’s especially not safe to give sexual abuse survivors hugs. Ugh. I really felt damaged.
I understand her thoughts it just hurts.

In other words with the history I’ve had he will be like h*ll no lol. Dang. I may still try if I can get myself there but at least I can be a little more prepared for the no. I’m okay with accepting no usually from anyone for anything, too okay, one of my issues actually, but hearing no from him seems potentially a little devastating.

 

[Snowflake]

In other words with the history I’ve had he will be like h*ll no lol. Dang. I may still try if I can get myself there but at least I can be a little more prepared for the no. I’m okay with accepting no usually from anyone for anything, too okay, one of my issues actually, but hearing no from him seems potentially a little devastating.

Exactly hearing no from mine is devastating! Why did I share anything?

 

[StarChild]

Sad thing is when you tell your therapist all your abuse and she can’t hug you because of boundaries. Makes me question why I shared.

Exactly hearing no from mine is devastating! Why did I share anything?

Hi @Snowflake, this is a really important question, that only you yourself know the answer to.... But maybe you're able to share "the reason why" here in this thread?... No pressure, just a thought. I would be interested to learn, as to what your intentions / expectations are, when sharing your traumata with your T.

 

[Snowflake]

Hi @Snoflake, this is a really important question, that only you yourself know the answer to.... But maybe you're able to share "the reason why" here in this thread?... No pressure, just a thought. I would be interested to learn, as to what your intentions / expectations are, when sharing your traumata with your T

Idk

 

[Friday]

Then she said it’s especially not safe to give sexual abuse survivors hugs. Ugh. I really felt damaged.

Protecting you might mean there’s damage, like a cast protects a broken arm from being unset, but that doesn’t mean you’ll always need protecting, nor will always have damage. It DOES mean you’re worth protecting.

hearing no from him seems potentially a little devastating.

That’s the tell... that the potential for that much power to be wrapped up in one person, that can’t reciprocate / it’s not a peer & equal relationship. No won’t always be devastating. If it IS devastating? It’s very very dangerous to swing a hammer right at it. Can shatter a person, you know? Instead... doing like @Abstract suggested & working on conscious dialogue / actions / emotions / connection... helps rebuild that strength in you, instead of blindly handing it to anyone Who might fill a void.

My experience and observation, in any event.

 

[Kubash16]

Protecting you might mean there’s damage, like a cast protects a broken arm from being unset, but that doesn’t mean you’ll always need protecting, nor will always have damage. It DOES mean you’re worth protecting.

That’s the tell... that the potential for that much power to be wrapped up in one person, that can’t reciprocate / it’s not a peer & equal relationship. No won’t always be devastating. If it IS devastating? It’s very very dangerous to swing a hammer right at it. Can shatter a person, you know? Instead... doing like @Abstract suggested & working on conscious dialogue / actions / emotions / connection... helps rebuild that strength in you, instead of blindly handing it to anyone Who might fill a void.

That makes a lot of sense.

 

[Snowflake]

Protecting you might mean there’s damage, like a cast protects a broken arm from being unset, but that doesn’t mean you’ll always need protecting, nor will always have damage. It DOES mean you’re worth protecting.

That’s the tell... that the potential for that much power to be wrapped up in one person, that can’t reciprocate / it’s not a peer & equal relationship. No won’t always be devastating. If it IS devastating? It’s very very dangerous to swing a hammer right at it. Can shatter a person, you know? Instead... doing like @Abstract suggested & working on conscious dialogue / actions / emotions / connection... helps rebuild that strength in you, instead of blindly handing it to anyone Who might fill a void.

My experience and observation, in any event.

I want to understand -regardless it’s sad. It’s not fair my abuser did this to me to the point that I crave hugs in order to feel worthy.

 

[Orange Phone]

Hi,
This is so hard.
I am at the "opposite" end and right now I never want her to touch me. Mine does art therapy and I cannot even "color with" her. In fact if I think and feel that scenario I start shaking. And my trauma memories are gone mentally and only in my body. Heck I could not even eat cupcakes I had bought for our one-year anniversary together. Has to do with my "inner child" who picked her to tell our story to. Her/my shame is very powerful.
Along with towel idea, is there something you can do "together?" Maybe change the seating? I don't know.... It is so hard when we have been so hurt and injured by others.

Many hugs.

 

[Snowflake]

Hi,
This is so hard.
I am at the "opposite" end and right now I never want her to touch me. Mine does art therapy and I cannot even "color with" her. In fact if I think and feel that scenario I start shaking. And my trauma memories are gone mentally and only in my body. Heck I could not even eat cupcakes I had bought for our one-year anniversary together. Has to do with my "inner child" who picked her to tell our story to. Her/my shame is very powerful.
Along with towel idea, is there something you can do "together?" Maybe change the seating? I don't know.... It is so hard when we have been so hurt and injured by others.

Many hugs.

I couldn’t eat or draw with mine either. Heck I don’t look at her. I just hug a pillow and stare at a wall.

 

[Wendell_R]

Wow-I’m not sure I can do that though.

All this takes time. We worked a long time before this seemed like the right thing to do! And when it was time, we went really slow for only a few minutes.

Is she gestalt wendall?

No, I don't think so. I try to maintain my independence enough so that I am fully formed apart from my therapists. But she's a great guide into the unknown!

 

[hithere]

ask your therapist if you can have something from the therapist to keep that will be a symbol of a hug, something from the office space NOT a gift--something like a paper clip, a sticky note with a heart drawn on it, a pebble from a planter, a book mark. That type of thing. Gifts should not be given in my opinion. This giving of a token to represent a hug actually works when clinicians have a no touch rule. It also helps between sessions for those who have abandonment trauma.

I was interviewing therapists recently and went to one who is in her 80's. She wanted to hug me and it totally whigged me out, and I stepped backwards as far as I could. However, it was very healing for me that she had such an open generous personality. This is just her personality-to give a hug for the intense and painful conversation we had just had.