I am not sure what happened - Online Therapist Terminated

[mylunareclipse]

@Abstract I decided to let Betterhelp know about happened and try to get a refund since I had few weeks left in my plan. I think this
@EveHarrington Thank you. I am working a lot on putting my guard down a bit and trust due to the nice and grooming side of someone that went ahead and became abusive in the past. Now I thought I had to learn to trust my instincts and take nice as nice and not me so guarded. But I feel like for now my guard is back up. But it is unfortunately true, nice people can indeed be abusive as well at times, main thing is to know that it's not about me. Thank you

 

[Abstract]

Trust is a really hard and complicated issue I find. A therapist said to me once that it was a choice but I think it is much more than that. Just deciding to trust isnt wise in my experience. Being very aware and thinking of if someone has earned trust and how much trust they have earned is a better bet. Keeping in mind that people aren't perfect and we cannot reasonably expect them to be. There is a hierarchy of importance when it comes to how important something is to us and we have to weigh that in too. Violating confidentiality in therapy is right near the top of that hierarchy.

Also, there are many reasons people can be untrustworthy. Only some of those are for vindictive reasons. If someone is unhealthy or not functioning they may not be vindictive but they may not be trustworthy. You don't have to worry about peoples motivations and only their trustworthiness and actions.

You have a right to judge those actions moment by moment and with an eye on them being human and that beady eye on the hierarchy of importance when it comes to their deeds and nature.

Its also always worth checking out that someone is registered and qualified.

 

[Justmehere]

I saw her husband on a previous session but he was way further.

0.o This should never happen. Not ok.

Vs the lady cleaning was walking clearly behind her chair multiple times clearly able to see and hear what is going on. But hey she couldn't "couldn't" understand English. I think this BS answer made me a bit more mad...

Total BS. It doesn’t matter if the cleaning lady (someone she hired and scheduled) was from Mars. (Although that would be interesting!) It is her legal responsibility to maintain a therapeutic space that is private. It is her ethical and professional responsibility to maintain a space that is therapeutic.

There were some other issues like crying on the first session because she said she went through the same thing I went through.

The first session? She sounds like she’s kinda all over he place and doesn’t have much in terms of internal or external boundaries.

I’m not sure it would be wise to try to trust her. She may have done you a favor by quiting. Argh. That stinks it went so wonky.

Keep at it. I have seen a few screwy therapists - but I still have found a couple worth trusting. There are good apples out there.

 

[mylunareclipse]

So I a little update. I let Bettehelp know about what happened and they apologized and gave me a full refund for the whole month actually which was quite nice.
However, I then checked back the page of my now ex therapist and someone had left a review on her BetterHelp profile during the last few days about how great she is and how great it was to work with her. All sorts of feelings started to get back about maybe it's just me, look other people can get along just fine, something is terribly wrong and difficult about me and that's why she quit. I think the rejection of having a therapist quit on me for first time ever still stings a little....

 

[hithere]

i am still hurt by a therapist terminating me 26 years ago, I don't think I ever got over it really. It's understandale to feel rejected and wonder what the hell did I do? What is wrong with me. I bought an "audible" book by Guy Winch called "Emotional First Aid and listened to it. His first few chapters are on rejection. It's really, really helpful. He claims being rejected is the number one most emotionally painful thing humans go through because on a primal level it is a survival issue--it feels like I'm going to die from rejection because to the primitive brain that is what happens iif one is rejected and pushed outside of the protective inclusion of a group. (or other person, etc).

I probably hold some sort of world record for the number of times being rejected by a therapist. Really sorry your feeling this way, but trust me--it's the therapist and not you! For all you know, when she got "dinged" by the online group, she may have created a false review of herself! And, for you all you know the reviewer had two appointments with her and haven't really had any amount of time with her. You had said she was nice at first..

Also, I think I will try to make a report to my insurance company that has this online therapy group with idiot therapist who's paid advice was "it's easy, you just quit." It's easy, you just make a decision" Why the hell was I paying for help to do something if it's "easy" --- omg, still mad at that stupid woman.

 

[Justmehere]

All sorts of feelings started to get back about maybe it's just me, look other people can get along just fine, something is terribly wrong and difficult about me and that's why she quit.

She had her husband and cleaning lady present for sessions. There is nothing difficult about you that can cause her to do that. I don’t care how difficult a client might be, that is very unprofessional. Don’t internalize her actions - you are not so powerful as to be responsible for her mistakes.

 

[Ronin]

look other people can get along just fine

Very seconding JMH, and:
Experience of other people with her is just that. Experience of other people.

It does not mean you are in the wrong, or that yours is wrong, or there is anything wrong with you. You just had a differing experience of a professional. You are allowed to do that.

 

[mylunareclipse]

@hithere thank you for your kind comment and being mad for me :) it helps to get the validation. I am sorry you have been through similar experiences. I agree that rejection really really hurts. It's so painful. It's like I wanting to do something, but knowing there's nothing that can be done.

Thank you so much for the validation @Justmehere and @Ronin. This was my experience and I have the "right" to my experience I guess? I didn't do anything particularly outrageous and it seems like the therapist left me before I could leave her once I expressed my concern about someone walking around. I tend to internalize people's actions a LOT and think that I somehow caused them and it's my fault. But I am working on it ^__^

 

[Bry]

I hated Better Help and online ‘therapy’, as she was so rude and I’d barely begun with anything deep! They must allow anyone on there to entertain vulnerable people while they are eating their dinner.
Never again. (Just my experience, I know, and am happy if it works for some.)

I can’t get over the husband or the cleaning lady part! Sorry, but it sounds like a joke from Family Guy or something. Utterly unprofessional. I wonder was it the same moron I fell upon.
Hope you find a much better therapist and wishing you well.

 

[FauxLiz]

I looked at better help when I relocated figuring if I was going to do teletherapy I should look at all alternatives. The person they matched me with didn't match any of the things that I had requested as bare minimums.

 

[Bry]

I forgot to add: At the time (First time) I required female only help, and ticked that box (along with added info specifically stating that, incase they overlooked the box!) I was matched with a male! Who merrily greeted me, ignoring my request which was extreme at the time.

I only resorted back to that site out of desperation, and the female (she couldn’t be qualified) was a joke.
Anyone can hide behind a screen and claim to be a therapist! Defeats the whole purpose anyway - human relations etc - I can’t abide online therapy. I kind of see the purpose, but it’s a £££ sham in my eyes and - bad experiences.

 

[Abstract]

My goodness. This is so worrying. I wonder if anyone is checking on these sites. Very scary.