I have been going through a tough time for the past few months. Stopped my school and part time work to take care of my mom. Who is currently in wheelchair. Things have not really nice between me and her. I realise I get more angry over whatever she said. And also started to feel that she is giving more priority to my elder brothers then be. Some since the pass few months of last year till today I feel the same way.
At one point of time. I was really hurt. I locked myself in my room. This happen in March. I was all the way in the room. Slept throughout the day. And realise nobody came to look for me in my room if I’m alright. Then, I started throwing everything around my room. Tear my T-Shirts. To make things worse I started slashing my hand with a sharp scissors. And then my dad came to check on me. Maybe roughly about 6.30pm. He took the scissors away from me as I started to bleed slightly. Then, my mom she came into my room and started shouting at me for being like this. I got even more angry and slam the door towards her. At that point of time I was expecting my mom to talk to me nicely but when she started shouting I turned mad. That’s when things got even worse. She called the police. As usual police came talk to me. Arrested me for self-harm. I was brought back to station. That point of time I broke down totally because that is my first time I was handcuffed. I was kept in the cell for one whole day. I still remember I cried so much. Especially after my consultation with an psychiatrist I was told I can go back home at about 11am. When I called my family to bail me out. There was no one to come to fetch me. That got me even harder. I was broke. And in the evening my dad came to fetch me back home.
Once I got bailed out. I came home crying so bad. When the police brought me to psychiatrist they prescribe me with sleeping pills. As I was thinking about all this the whole day. Every night I took the sleeping pills and sleep. I wasn’t able to eat properly. I lock myself in my room for almost a week. Then my family decided to send me to Malaysia to my relatives place for a week. I went there spent some time and came back home a week later. But still feel the same.
Last week I went for my appt with my psychiatrist. After examining and talking to me. He told me I might be going through mild depression. And he prescribe me with sertraline. I took it for three days. Then heard my mother’s conversation with my dad. She told him I am lazing around because I don’t want to go to work. And I am acting depressed when I am actually alright. That’s hurt me and I threw away the tablets. Yesterday I went back to my doctor because after stopping the medicine I realise I was sweating and feeling dizzy. And I started to self harm again. He told me to take back the medicine and ignore what others says as they don’t know what I’m going through. He also told me to visit the emergency if I feel like self harming again.
As of today, I’m still upset. But I’m doing all my work as normal. Hiding my feelings because I don’t want to feel hurt again by what others says. And silently take my medicine every night. I don’t know if I will recover because I still have the feeling of hurting myself and I don’t know why. And still getting angry now and then. I have a psycho theraphy appt next month. To find out what’s wrong with me. And also have a appt with my psychiatrist next month. I’m just so confused am I alright? Why is whatever people saying is affecting me so much.
At one point of time. I was really hurt. I locked myself in my room. This happen in March. I was all the way in the room. Slept throughout the day. And realise nobody came to look for me in my room if I’m alright. Then, I started throwing everything around my room. Tear my T-Shirts. To make things worse I started slashing my hand with a sharp scissors. And then my dad came to check on me. Maybe roughly about 6.30pm. He took the scissors away from me as I started to bleed slightly. Then, my mom she came into my room and started shouting at me for being like this. I got even more angry and slam the door towards her. At that point of time I was expecting my mom to talk to me nicely but when she started shouting I turned mad. That’s when things got even worse. She called the police. As usual police came talk to me. Arrested me for self-harm. I was brought back to station. That point of time I broke down totally because that is my first time I was handcuffed. I was kept in the cell for one whole day. I still remember I cried so much. Especially after my consultation with an psychiatrist I was told I can go back home at about 11am. When I called my family to bail me out. There was no one to come to fetch me. That got me even harder. I was broke. And in the evening my dad came to fetch me back home.
Once I got bailed out. I came home crying so bad. When the police brought me to psychiatrist they prescribe me with sleeping pills. As I was thinking about all this the whole day. Every night I took the sleeping pills and sleep. I wasn’t able to eat properly. I lock myself in my room for almost a week. Then my family decided to send me to Malaysia to my relatives place for a week. I went there spent some time and came back home a week later. But still feel the same.
Last week I went for my appt with my psychiatrist. After examining and talking to me. He told me I might be going through mild depression. And he prescribe me with sertraline. I took it for three days. Then heard my mother’s conversation with my dad. She told him I am lazing around because I don’t want to go to work. And I am acting depressed when I am actually alright. That’s hurt me and I threw away the tablets. Yesterday I went back to my doctor because after stopping the medicine I realise I was sweating and feeling dizzy. And I started to self harm again. He told me to take back the medicine and ignore what others says as they don’t know what I’m going through. He also told me to visit the emergency if I feel like self harming again.
As of today, I’m still upset. But I’m doing all my work as normal. Hiding my feelings because I don’t want to feel hurt again by what others says. And silently take my medicine every night. I don’t know if I will recover because I still have the feeling of hurting myself and I don’t know why. And still getting angry now and then. I have a psycho theraphy appt next month. To find out what’s wrong with me. And also have a appt with my psychiatrist next month. I’m just so confused am I alright? Why is whatever people saying is affecting me so much.
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