How do you know when you're ready to start work again?

[Sweetleaf]

If your PTSD or any other disabilities affected your ability to work - how did you know when you were ready to start work again? How does one know when one is ready to work again, in general?

I know that might be a hard question to answer, but I don't know what to do really - I just want advice and personal experiences and all that. I really want to start working again - I just don't know how to know when I'm ready, or what I should do, how I should go about it, etc.

I still have really bad days every week, but I have been improving. I feel like in the next few months I will hopefully get a lot of work done and improve more, in regards to my PTSD and panic disorder.

But how do I know when I have improved enough to work again?

My old career was teaching. Last job was substitute teaching. I could return to that, but that is a job that has pressure, for sure. It wasn't an easy job at all, but it was one I was good at and I liked it more than any other job I did. The "it not being an easy job" part, that's where I am concerned. My window of tolerance is so much less, and my T said that I am always going to be more sensitive to certain things, things I'd be coming across in that line of work and many others.

She said I should go for a safe job, one where I will feel safe and comfortable, but I have no idea what to do.

I'm so sensitive. But I want to return to work and reclaim my life so badly. I want to at least do some kind of work.

How did you figure out you were ready? Did you just dive in and find out? Should I just dive in to some job and try to see if I can make it work, in a few months?

 

[Friday]

I have 2 basic classes of jobs

- Burner Jobs // Jobby Jobs
- Jobs I care about.

- Burner jobs I’m ready to start working when I can apply and show up. I expect to be fired &/or quit, a lot, until I’ve relearned how to work / manage my life whilst working/ etc.

- Jobs I care about I’m ready to start working when I can trust myself (in general) AND trust myself to bring my A game.

I’ve never been on any kind of disability or assistance, and have spent quite a lot of time homeless... so there’s no complicating factor of losing what I already have if I try and go back to any kind of work before I’m ready to. And I’ve done that, fairly frequently. Think I’m ready, find out nooooo not really :facepalm: Quit/Sacked. Hence the 2 basic classifications, jobs I don’t care about and jobs I do.

 

[sunisstillshining]

Hello,
I think that your counselor will be able to help you sort through when you are ready to return to work. I had a very good support system in place and they were able to help me decide when I had too much on my plate. I think it is great that you T thinks that you should be able to return to work. Have you tried volunteering? It might be a good way to see how you would do in a work setting.

Since you have had experience teaching, have you considered tutoring, working at a summer camp as a counselor, teaching online, or something similar? A summer position would give you the opportunity to try something for a couple of months to see how it goes. I hope that is helpful for you.

 

[EveHarrington]

Is disability off the table at this point? (I’m sorry it can be difficult for me to keep up with everyone!)

I think it’s important to take baby steps. This way you’ll see what you’re capable of doing. If you jump into something that’s too big, you’ll have a hard time figuring out what your tolerance level is.....it’s a different of overshooting VS slowly working up to your tolerance. It will be a lot harder to determine what you can handle if you keep jumping into jobs that ultimately prove to be too much.

 

[Sweetleaf]

Is disability off the table at this point?

Not entirely, but it got denied and I have to appeal. I hate the process, the time it's going to take - but it being denied the first go-around and needing to appeal, even though that's statistically the most likely outcome, is really frustrating.

I just wish I didn't need it, and I want to be prepared for the possibility it'll be denied in the appeal. I also want to know how I'll know I can get back into work. Right now that feels like an impossibility, when I objectively look at my symptoms, and the fact they're present every day, even a "good" day is riddled with symptoms, and often those good days are good days because I avoid the public and don't get seriously triggered, and just happened to be lucky on symptoms.

But, even though right now it seems impossible, and I've been too symptomatic with everything to work (bipolar 1, PTSD, panic disorder, disturbed sleep pattern) - I want to improve as much as I can and try to make it so I don't have to worry about disability. I don't want to have to go on it, I want to be able to be like "I am in a good place now, I feel like I have things under control, f*ck yes I can work now! f*ck disability! Time to have a f*cking life again!"

But to be able to say that, to be able to do that, I have to get a f*ckload of work done and improve a loooootttt in the next months. I'm going to be trying really hard though, and even though I'm still really symptomatic I've improved from where I was a year ago.

@sunisstillshining - Those are great recommendations, and I've considered some of them for when I go back to work. Like tutoring or teaching private music lessons, or doing online teaching. I feel like I'd have to have some line of work where I'm in charge, and I can make things safer feeling and more comfortable, due to being in charge, in control. Something I can slowly dip my toes into, as well.

Right now I couldn't do those things - but they'd be a good starting-off point when I'm ready.

 

[EveHarrington]

Have you heard of that online tutoring site....? Lol I can’t remember the name for the life of me. I’ve seen it advertised on hip2save (deal site in USA) and people gave it good reviews.

 

[willhealeventually]

I relate to what you shared about having a safe job for ptsd. I also a teacher and with increase in symptoms am currently failing at my job. For example, on Friday i was having such a bad day that I told one class I couldn’t teach that day and they had to work quietly. I NEVER do that. They had no subs so I couldn’t leave without drawing too much unwanted attention.
I start oanicking about going into work the night before. My alarm is set to the ungodly hour of 4:30 so the I can spend an hour taking a xanax and talking myself into going in. This is daily. During my drive in, I think about my drive home. I could go on and on.
This is how I’ve become this year as my symptoms escalated. Unfortunately I am not tenured and can’t afford to lose the job. I also like the job when I am functioning and am good at it. To make matters even more complicated, I am divorcing and can’t look dysfunctional if I am to get physical custody of my son, who needs me very much.
I came frim a 6 figure salary into teaching after cracking and being hospitalized twice. After too short a break, I went into teaching, which is indeed a very stressful job.
I have this fantasy that maybe one day I will get better and teaching will be OK. I started practicing grounding exercises in the classroom while I teach because I noticed I was dissociating and going into trauma space.
Now, I am still a valued teacher and not being told I may lose my job. However, that feeling of cracking before left me scarred and afraid that it can happen again.
I honestly don’t feel suited for any work right now that I am qualified to do, so the struggle is real. Disability is not an option for me.
One thing that works is taking work one day at a time to praying to not screw up that day.... I admit it’s not ideal. I want to get to a point where I can function enough to feel safe at work from being fired and feel like relating to my students like I used to. Thank you for posting your story and question.

 

[blackemerald1]

@Sweetleaf - I know that feeling of gotta get a job, get back to work, F*ck disability etc etc.

And.. I followed that right into a good job. I loved it, I could compare myself to 'other people' and be on the same level.. :sorry: I worked really hard to be seen as completely normal and kept my ptsd a secret. Well a few ppl knew but they didn't know enough about ptsd to understand anything.

Then it got all complicated and the workload increased. I didn't seem to be able to say no... I was given more responsibility, promoted into higher and higher positions - functioning really well at work but completely stuffed at home. I'd fall apart unlocking the gate to get onto the property. My brain was fried and yet, stupidly I kept going back. I loved the money and the independence it brought with it but honestly I burned out and was a million times worse off in almost every way. My doctor insisted that I resign and then I went voluntarily to hospital. Took a really long time to make back that ground.

So the hard-earned lessons I learned were this:-

Take it slowly... and then even more slower than you think, lol.

Can you find part-time work? Or relief work? Where you are not contracted at least for the first year?

Be very strict with yourself about availability and hours. Don't get too tempted.

Assess every increment of your integration back into the workplace. See how you go and act accordingly.

Enjoy it!

:hug:

 

[willhealeventually]

My brain was fried and yet, stupidly I kept going back. I loved the money and the independence it brought with it but honestly I burned out and was a million times worse off in almost every way. My doctor insisted that I resign and then I went voluntarily to hospital.
:hug:

This is very similar to my story. Unfortunately, i burned out, was hospitalized, but came back to work too soon. I had no such smart doctor. I overworked to outrun my past - memories, flashbacks, etc. No one has yet suggested I had PTSD.
When I had my breakdown, it was too late - I already fried and ruined my chances at staying working.
I was forced into quitting, which is a favorite method of firing high performing people.
Now I wish I got and stayed on long term disability somehow, had better doctors, and was steered into spending my time after hospitalization more productively (not bouncing off walls and stressing about not working).
If I could no longer work, I would do it. I would probably find activities eventually, but not be tied to a rigid schedule (which is he** for my recovery) and intense days of managing classrooms.
Thank you for your post!