Medical Talking to your Doctor about Pelvic Exam

[piratelady]

Well, I made it as far as the waiting room. Now I’m just trying to breathe, control the trembling, and not have a panic attack. Just have to remember Step 1: Inhale, Step 2: Exhale, and repeat

 

[piratelady]

I made it without having a panic attack. Just barely. Now I’m just trying not to cry. I’m trying to breathe. I wish I could just start dissociating on command.

 

[Kubash16]

:hug: you’ve got this!

 

[bellbird]

Hey @piratelady , how are you feeling now?
Sending :hug: 's

 

[piratelady]

how are you feeling now?

I’m doing better this morning. The rest of yesterday evening was hard. I just kept getting hit with all of these horrible memories of the past. I had to just walk away from this site for a little while too.

I was able to get some sleep though, with only one bad dream and I’m feeling better this morning.

I will say just repeating the breathing instructions in my head while breathing was interesting. It did help me stay incredibly calm, considering, and was kind of hypnotic.

So, a long time ago (like 10 years ago) I had one of those. This time was different though. She had no empathy or personal skills. She put it inside me. The last time I had the test done, I inserted it, then the technician took over. Then she was just telling me to open my legs more. The whole thing just took everything in me to stay calm. I definitely like the other place better.

 

[piratelady]

One thing I learned, is I have to tell my doctor about my PTSD so he can help me navigate this stuff in the future. Like there is no way I could have told that technician I had ptsd. But if my doctor knew, maybe he could have helped. And like we’ve talked about, I won’t be able to tolerate a random stranger doing my pelvic exam.

I might ask therapist to help me with this in case I can’t manage on my own. Is that something they do?

 

[blackemerald1]

Your therapist may be able to do a short letter or even email to your doctor to let him/her know that you are experiencing this because of the nature of your ptsd. Once that happens maybe it will be easier for you to raise it with your doctor when this kind of pelvic examination is needed in the future. (and let's hope they are not) But then you will be able to say hey doc please send me to a technician who has some empathy and understanding.

I'm so sorry the technician was so cold and unthoughtful. I hope at least the news will be all good. :hug:

 

[piratelady]

Thanks @blackemerald1. I’m going to email therapist to put this on our agenda for next week. My doctor also teaches residents. I think they need to know residents/students can’t be doing my pelvic exam, if I start getting those there. I think that would about send me over the edge.

If something is wrong, I’ll likely hear early next week. I anticipate that I’m fine, in which case I’ll see my doctor on the 24th. At least I have some time to sort out the conversation

 

[Freida]

I am so proud of you for making it thru this! you get huge kudos for how far you have come because I'm not sure you could have even made it in the front door this time last year.

So yay you!!! ???

 

[bellbird]

I'm so proud of you, @piratelady ! You are so brave. And you used your breathing and grounding techniques and made it through!

Yes, T should be able to communicate briefly with the doc to give a heads up and make things a little easier.
So sorry the technician was lacking in empathy though.

Hope you are able to add in some extra self care today. :hug:

 

[Lucycat]

I only bled abnormally one month, maybe I should cancel the ultrasound

No! I had been having fertility treatment and it was only when I had the internal ultrasound that they discovered I had a congenital abnormality of my uterus - called uterus didelphys. It had been completely missed by abdominal scans.

AS for telling the doctors about your PTSD - that is something you need to decide. Is there something specific you want from telling them? I mean are you asking them to be more gentle, or more informative, or not make sudden movements? Or do you want them to know in order to explain your own reactions?

 

[piratelady]

Is there something specific you want from telling them? I mean are you asking them to be more gentle, or more informative, or not make sudden movements? Or do you want them to know in order to explain your own reactions

I’ve already emailed therapist for help in disclosing this. What I’ve learned from this ordeal is that any exams involving the pelvic region are going to be a challenge for me. I used to be ok with my annual exams, but I was comfortable with my doctor. He has been my doctor for probably 15 years. Now he’s retired. I have to get my care somewhere.

So, first I do want them to know so they understand how I react if/when I do. Also, the clinic where my doctor works is a teaching clinic. I want them to know that I need it to be my doctor or one of the other ones I know that does my exam, not a random student. And if I have to get a test, like that ultrasound, ideally my doctor will be an advocate for me. Lastly, when they do give me an exam, a warning of what they’re going to do before they do it will help me control my anxiety. Rather than just shoving things inside me without warning.


....

I’m still not better with this. I can’t let it go. I can’t stop relating the test to my abuse. If I quit distracting myself, even for a little while I just start feeling violated. I know she did nothing wrong, but it just brought it all back. All of the abuse just keeps running through my head. I don’t know how to put it away again or start to feel ok. This is all just beyond my ability to cope.