Childhood Naming CSA triggers

[FallenDeer]

I've been asked by my psychologist to start a list of my triggers. I was sexually abused in childhood and have PTSD as a result. I'm finding it really hard to identify the triggers even though I have flashbacks a lot at the moment, I often can't remember/can't work out what triggered it
So far ..

Man with similar facial hair to my abuser
Overcrowded train meant people were too close
Argument between my husband and his daughter
Smell that reminded me
A place that reminds me of some of the event's

It's actually been quite helpful writing them down, getting them out of my head. Feel free to share yours

 

[DharmaGirl]

Thank you for offering for us to share ours. It is so helpful being able to recognize what our triggers are.
People arguing.
People in authority not listening.
loud noises.
Violent people.
Violence on TV
Threatened violence
That's enough for now. Does talking about your triggers trigger you sometimes? Oh, and being here sometimes triggers me. Reading diary entries.

 

[Mee]

Feeling you about being here @DharmaGirl. I think it’s about being around others who are struggling containing their trauma? Feeling my difficulty is of lesser import to the ‘group’ and will be shouted down. Feeling ‘diminutive’, unheard.

2. ( tactless) Critique. It’s a part of life. But it can feel less like thoughtlessness and more like planned manipulation, attack of the person. It’s difficult for me to gauge the difference. I try to give my thoughts with tact and patience and to read others’ neutrally.

3. Friendship groups. I don’t do triangulation full stop. Even benevolent intention triangulation. I left a friendship I cared for the person a lot because her benevolent manipulation was keeping me hyper vigilant and seeing things even when not there. Any kind of ‘negging’, teasing. I purposely don’t join in every girls night out or meal etc ( avoidant) to not feel drawn in to any dynamic that allows this. Any betrayal makes me anxious. I don’t want their secrets.

 

[Mach123]

Dogs off the leash. This is on my mind now. I live at the beach. They did a good job this summer, people must have been calling the cops. I didn't understand how this could be a trigger because I was sexually abused as a child.
What could a thing like a person with an unleashed dog have to do with it?

But the fawning thing is a sex thing for me i
Just put this together. I feel helpless rage. I
Feel myself being violated and my voluntary muscles won't obey me.

All I can do is rage then the shame comes after for not stopping it. Every interaction with people has aspects of this for me, but anything even remotely violent, angry, or something I want to stop very badly.

It's sickening. No wonder I avoid so much.

 

[Mee]

@Mach123 Thank you for giving me an insight to that for you. I walk one of my dogs at heel but off leash rarely but sometimes. He is a working dog but not a service dog or ESA though sometimes he fills that Support animal role for me by virtue of our relationship. He is always strictly at heel and only walks off leash with me and under specific circumstances. Understanding how it leads to the fawn response and from what makes me more empathetic to the times I have been shouted at for not having my dog on leash when he is at heel and under control. That’s a reason for me to maybe have him drag his leash or carry it himself? It might look less off putting?

Trigger meets trigger.

 

[TruthSeeker]

This is a good thread for me today. In my life, I've had a lot of different kinds of trauma, and my dissociation is really unpredictable.....like I'll head into the doctors office to get blood taken-no sweat....vision starts to change....that surreal feeling; temperature-going from a cool place to a hot place....same thing....I think I have lots of triggers....I thought it was prescription drugs at one time......yeah....I know better.

I have 2 safe places-my house and my car. Usually if I'm out....a trip to the car is really stabilizing if I start to dissociate....and it subsides really quickly. Cold of any kind is helpful....but if I've been dreaming and wake up with vision issues, I can start the day in a semi- Dissociationland. So, I'm collecting data (LOL-I have a vision of a mad scientist -me "chuckle") but my goal for the next month is to track my dissociation and the location it starts (it's level-1. very mild/noticeable, 2. annoying-impacting productivity somewhat 3. required a bathroom trip (isolation) and forgetting basics (meds, appts, to look at list or schedule, or losing shit), 4. can't remember/ can't get anything done/angry because I can't get control and wasting the whole day 5. So bad I had to go to sleep-unbearable -no strategies helped.) I'm trying to figure out the precipitators....the causes/triggers....and note the duration, if looping of old stuff occurred, and what did I try to do to make it stop and look for patterns in my behavior. Sounds like a lot of self-study...but I want to get a handle on it and work on dissociation reduction so I live more in the hear and now.....do you think practice makes perfect? I think this is a great thread.....thanks!

 

[Mach123]

@Mach123 Thank you for giving me an insight to that for you. I walk one of my dogs at heel but off leash rarely but sometimes. He is a working dog but not a service dog or ESA though sometimes he fills that Support animal role for me by virtue of our relationship. He is always strictly at heel and only walks off leash with me and under specific circumstances. Understanding how it leads to the fawn response and from what makes me more empathetic to the times I have been shouted at for not having my dog on leash when he is at heel and under control. That’s a reason for me to maybe have him drag his leash or carry it himself? It might look less off putting?

Trigger meets trigger.

Well it's nice that you'd say something and most people are nice and the problem is rational meeting irrational because the feelings I have are all trauma feelings out of my past.

I wouldn't think to prescribe behavior for you since we are probably far apart and so you personally won't ever put me in that situation.

As for where I am, there's a law. I'm not perfect and I do things that aren't always legal but the laws the law and the cops will do something about it.

I just can't call them because it's the same feeling as trying to hit back. I feel like I'm drowning. Today I just said a prayer and looked the other way. I was like "just please don't let me get triggered about this."

I'm happy in a way because I never really saw it this clearly. It's like trying to tell someone. You just can't. It's just like being back there all over again.

This is just one example though? It was everywhere all the time, it dictated so much of my behavior, the things I could do and couldn't. It makes me feel bad, incidents like this, triggers, but knowing what it is helps. I don't really feel as helpless. I don't feel as much shame. I'm not as obsessed after.

There are people who when the beach is not crowded put the dog on the leash as you approach. That actually saves me sometimes. It feels like being rescued. I feel so grateful toward them. I've even thanked them. I can walk up to someone and thank them.

I just can't walk up to anyone and say "did you know your dog is supposed to be on a leash?"

 

[Mee]

Yeah, it’s law here too. On public roads and stuff but.... for example, ( not my dog’s job try herding sheep /cattle up s road with your hearing dog on a leash. Police would get the giggles if someone reported a sheep dog here. Still, about daily my neighbour has someone tell him his cattle dog should be on a lead as the cows come in. He has combat PTSD and is ragey, not like me.

Other things I have people shouting at my front door about are poultry on the road. Free range birds do sometimes..... range a little more freely than we’d like.

People shout a lot. ?

 

[siniang]

Well it's nice that you'd say something and most people are nice and the problem is rational meeting irrational because the feelings I have are all trauma feelings out of my past.

I wouldn't think to prescribe behavior for you since we are probably far apart and so you personally won't ever put me in that situation.

As for where I am, there's a law. I'm not perfect and I do things that aren't always legal but the laws the law and the cops will do something about it.

I just can't call them because it's the same feeling as trying to hit back. I feel like I'm drowning. Today I just said a prayer and looked the other way. I was like "just please don't let me get triggered about this."

I'm happy in a way because I never really saw it this clearly. It's like trying to tell someone. You just can't. It's just like being back there all over again.

This is just one example though? It was everywhere all the time, it dictated so much of my behavior, the things I could do and couldn't. It makes me feel bad, incidents like this, triggers, but knowing what it is helps. I don't really feel as helpless. I don't feel as much shame. I'm not as obsessed after.

There are people who when the beach is not crowded put the dog on the leash as you approach. That actually saves me sometimes. It feels like being rescued. I feel so grateful toward them. I've even thanked them. I can walk up to someone and thank them.

I just can't walk up to anyone and say "did you know your dog is supposed to be on a leash?"

Too many people in this country think they're the center of the universe (and above the law). Not you. People you talk about.

I take dogs off-leash when I can. Dogs need to run and frankly, most dog parts are a joke. BUT, two big fat buts:

1) I would never do that with a dog I do not not have under control, that doesn't have basic obedience and would sit and come back to me immediately on command. This is also a safety thing for the dog, because...streets. And other dogs.

2) When I see people approaching, completely regardless of who it is, doggo will be called back and put on the leash until they passed. Period. To me that's common courtesy. Many people are afraid of dogs. Dogs can sense that and will try to mitigate on their own by trying to make friends with said person (friendly dogs that is, of course. Aggressive dogs might go in a different direction...)

I'm really sorry you have to deal with these triggers and ignorant people @Mach123

 

[Mach123]

Yeah, it’s law here too. On public roads and stuff but.... for example, ( not my dog’s job try herding sheep /cattle up s road with your hearing dog on a leash. Police would get the giggles if someone reported a sheep dog here. Still, about daily my neighbour has someone tell him his cattle dog should be on a lead as the cows come in. He has combat PTSD and is ragey, not like me.

Other things I have people shouting at my front door about are poultry on the road. Free range birds do sometimes..... range a little more freely than we’d like.

People shout a lot. ?

I doubt people have to carry bags around and pick up the dog mess like around here lol, but it's not really about dogs? : )

?

Too many people in this country think they're the center of the universe (and above the law). Not you. People you talk about.

I take dogs off-leash when I can. Dogs need to run and frankly, most dog parts are a joke. BUT, two big fat buts:

1) I would never do that with a dog I do not not have under control, that doesn't have basic obedience and would sit and come back to me immediately on command. This is also a safety thing for the dog, because...streets. And other dogs.

2) When I see people approaching, completely regardless of who it is, doggo will be called back and put on the leash until they passed. Period. To me that's common courtesy. Many people are afraid of dogs. Dogs can sense that and will try to mitigate on their own by trying to make friends with said person (friendly dogs that is, of course. Aggressive dogs might go in a different direction...)

I'm really sorry you have to deal with these triggers and ignorant people @Mach123

You are so kind and you are not alone but you're not the majority sadly.

 

[piratelady]

A few words are triggers for me.
Bigger dogs are for me also.

 

[Gs172003]

We only take our dogs off the leash when we know there will be nobody else around. Otherwise they stay on. Our older dog actually got hurt chasing a deer while running. She tore her ACL and at her age we won't get it fixed ( it's not severely painful like in people but it causes a limp)