helen anna
New Here
it sounds like you have so much on your mind, and I know it's hard just getting through each and everyday, even though your friends have lots of new things going on in their lives I know that they would want to be there for you, I have complex PTSD due to a extremely (so I'm told by my CPN) abusive relationship when I was sixteen for just under two year's, I'm also infertile which gives me extra stress and depression, I have six friends that I call my *safe* friend's, I know that no matter the time of day or what they have going on in their life that they will always be here to listen to me, even if I'm only sending them messages, for me I've found that writing down in a message all that's hurting me, at the moment it's my border collie boy Ben who's going to be 13 on Christmas eve, he's slowing down a lot and is sleeping all the time, I know he's coming to the end of his life and it's killing me inside, I see him as my son, I've had him since he was 6 weeks old and have been with him every single day since then, so when I'm hurting I send my safe people a message, and I know that when they can they will get back in touch with me, I've lost so many friends because I hid away for so many years, these friends and workmates know your going though a rough time and for most of them they won't know how to help you unless you let them know how your feeling, not many people know any other people that do have ptsd, so for them they have no understanding on what effort it takes to just live every day, I just want you to know I'm here for you and i will be here when and if you need meCurrently don’t know what to do with myself.
I’m meant to be going to a fireworks party tomorrow, and I don’t want fireworks to be an avoidance, but equally I really, really don’t want to go.
Considering if I should message any of my friends.
Out of my three closest friends: one is newlywed, one has a newborn and the other one is organising the bonfire party.
Some of my work colleagues saw me having a panic attack and tried to understand what was going on, but none of them had seen me in the aftermath, so probably don’t understand.
I don’t know what to do.
My mind is racing with images of the panic attack and of workmates soon afterwards laughing at the fact I was such a mess. So even my closest coworkers feel like enemies.
I usually discuss these things with my mum, but she’s away at the moment, and my dad, whilst a wonderful dad, isn’t really great at the emotions thing.
I’m struggling.