Relationship Advice needed please, my girlfriend has PTSD.

[Sweetpea76]

Ok... this may be the issue. Texting three times a day really isn’t giving her much space. It may be much less contact than you’re used to having with her, but you aren’t really giving her space.

Have you asked her specifically what her idea of space is?

Typically if my partner needs space I leave him completely alone until he contacts me. Every time the phone chimes it’s pressure, even if he doesn’t respond... because he’s stressing about not responding. If I would repeatedly try to contact him it would demonstrate to him that I can’t respect his request for space.

At this point in time I’d be texting him to make MYSELF feel better, not him.

I consider giving space a loving act. I’m giving him the quiet he needs to refocus and feel better.

 

[Dave ZInger]

Ok... this may be the issue. Texting three times a day really isn’t giving her much space. It may be much less contact than you’re used to having with her, but you aren’t really giving her space.

Have you asked her specifically what her idea of space is?

Typically if my partner needs space I leave him completely alone until he contacts me. Every time the phone chimes it’s pressure, even if he doesn’t respond... because he’s stressing about not responding. If I would repeatedly try to contact him it would demonstrate to him that I can’t respect his request for space.

At this point in time I’d be texting him to make MYSELF feel better, not him.

I consider giving space a loving act. I’m giving him the quiet he needs to refocus and feel better.

Yes I see your point. I hadn't really considered it like that. We had a really nice chat by text earlier today and both agreed to sit down after Xmas and agree a few things.

 

[Freida]

Ya...gotta agree 3 times would make me nuts :)

Before you two sit down and talk about it id suggest figuring out what your absolute minimum requirements are. How many times do you want her to text/call/comeover, etc. What do you need from her when she goes out with her friends? What do you need when she is on Facebook but not talking to you? How often do you want to see her each week? At your house or hers?

Don't think of it like demands. These are YOUR boundaries so you need to set them. Then think about what you will do if she disregards them.

I think having your expectations of what makes your relationship work ahead of time would be really beneficial because you can be clear headed instead of just winging it with a bunch of emotions

The downside will be if she says she can't meet those expectations. But then you have your answer of if your relationship will work in a way that respects both of you

 

[Mee]

I jumped from page three to here- purposely- I don’t want to give advice on a specific situation because what the hell do I know? But here is what I do say - if I were not married when I developed PTSD I would not be looking for a relationship. Its TOO much to handle myself at times. I truly believe I am married to the best guy in earth and it’s still tough. The guilt over what I put him through is awful. I ‘broke’ in August 2017 and with excellent spouse support, a great therapist etc we have a great and intimate friendship but I am not pulling my weight as a partner. I know this. I worry about it. As much as his support is invaluable and my rock of steadiness ..... the guilt is an anchor too, that stops me sailing forward sometimes.

If we are in relationships we owe it to our partners ( and families, friends, and god knows how you guys with kids manage it but those most of all) to grit our teeth and get on with it while in therapy- but I don’t think it’s easy.