I'm not sure if this belongs here, if not I'm happy to have it removed
I remembered recently how when I was a child, ten and younger, I was often locked in my room. The door was openable and all but any time something happened it would be, I come home and I sit in my room for the afternoon and evening. Even when I had to come downstairs for dinner it was in complete silence. It was common enough that I stared thinking "I'll see you all tomorrow then" when I got home from school some days.
I colour in my french book = isolation
I accidentally break a branch in the playground because I was doing pullups = Isolation
Four of the bigger kids in the other class start a fight with me and I get a concussion = Isolation
Anything my parents hear about, I think.
I'm not sure if this is all just sending a child to his room, which sounds normal enough, but most of my problems I've identified stem from my inability to talk about anything that might come back to me. I won't talk about family/friends, won't talk about hobbies, won't talk about what I want to do with life when lockdown is over, especially won't talk about trauma. All through secondry school I existed in class, did the bare minimum of talking to people I got along with, and dissapeared when school ended. Doesn't seem much like a social life in hindsight.
I'm just trying to piece together what I can remember from being a child, since I want to say getting sent to your room as a child is normal, but being forced to sit on my own for the rest of a day without being able to talk about what happened sounds cruel, or at least negligent/uncaring.
Also, for what its worth, could childhood experience be why I try not to attend parties or dinners? The taking part in a social things like that, I interpret the same way I react to being insulted. Or it feels like I'm being expected to take part in taking the piss out of myself, so I don't.
I'm just rambling again because no Therapist, I've no idea what to make about any of this
I remembered recently how when I was a child, ten and younger, I was often locked in my room. The door was openable and all but any time something happened it would be, I come home and I sit in my room for the afternoon and evening. Even when I had to come downstairs for dinner it was in complete silence. It was common enough that I stared thinking "I'll see you all tomorrow then" when I got home from school some days.
I colour in my french book = isolation
I accidentally break a branch in the playground because I was doing pullups = Isolation
Four of the bigger kids in the other class start a fight with me and I get a concussion = Isolation
Anything my parents hear about, I think.
I'm not sure if this is all just sending a child to his room, which sounds normal enough, but most of my problems I've identified stem from my inability to talk about anything that might come back to me. I won't talk about family/friends, won't talk about hobbies, won't talk about what I want to do with life when lockdown is over, especially won't talk about trauma. All through secondry school I existed in class, did the bare minimum of talking to people I got along with, and dissapeared when school ended. Doesn't seem much like a social life in hindsight.
I'm just trying to piece together what I can remember from being a child, since I want to say getting sent to your room as a child is normal, but being forced to sit on my own for the rest of a day without being able to talk about what happened sounds cruel, or at least negligent/uncaring.
Also, for what its worth, could childhood experience be why I try not to attend parties or dinners? The taking part in a social things like that, I interpret the same way I react to being insulted. Or it feels like I'm being expected to take part in taking the piss out of myself, so I don't.
I'm just rambling again because no Therapist, I've no idea what to make about any of this