Feeling Low Low

[Overcoming]

In the pits for the past couple of days. Although nearly zero contact with my toxic mother, she managed to put me into some drama, lying about things I said (which I haven't spoken with her to say). I got a message from a family member, who I don't speak with regularly at all, upset with me and telling me I caused a lot of hurt...by things I never said/did. The day after that message, I get pics from toxic mother of the fam together w/"my beautiful family." I felt furious, but more than anything sad and depressed. I would do anything for a supportive, nurturing, safe mother. I literally wish I had a mother to help me through my mother sh*t. I feel broken right now. I know that she has her own mental issues and I get it, but there's grief here over not having this with someone. I don't want mothered by her ever. I don't want this fakeness. I wish it didn't still hurt. There is physical pain when I think on these things. And I hate myself for that.

 

[Survivor3]

Hiya @Overcoming, sorry that your depressed and having a bad time. Family situations can be really shit sometimes. Did you feel alienated after your mother sent you that picture with the rest of your family? That's not a nice thing to do. What's your support network like? Do I you have anyone that understands your situation? A therapist, partner or friends? S3

 

[Weezley]

The one thing I learned at an early age is that family doesn't always mean related. My dad was an abusive druggy drunk that beat on his family any chance he got. My mom was a drunk that floated at the bottom of a bottle like a like a cigarette butt and then suddenly became the "world's best mother" that "tryed her best". As she tryed to break me down I gravitated towards the people that built me up and gave compassion. Don't feel like your chained to anyone. If they feel like playing games let them play games and stay close to your inner circle. Let them build you up with there love.

 

[Overcoming]

Hiya @Overcoming, sorry that your depressed and having a bad time. Family situations can be really shit sometimes. Did you feel alienated after your mother sent you that picture with the rest of your family? That's not a nice thing to do. What's your support network like? Do I you have anyone that understands your situation? A therapist, partner or friends? S3

@Weezley and @Survivor3
Sorry, I panicked and dropped off for few days. Withdrew. Thank you for taking the time to respond and ask questions. I was in that picture, bc it was a special day that I did visit for. I'm angry bc of the fakeness and it feels like a lie and being used. I have a decent support network, but struggle with being up front about when depressed. Therapy is great too. Ready for this depression to ease up.

I will keep in mind @Weezley that I can walk away from her. I struggle with guilt about it. Like what if she dies and I've made the wrong choice? There is a lot there, as you know from your own situation too. It feels like swimming in hot tar or something real dumb like that. Thank you for the reminder that I'm not alone.

 

[woodsy1]

In the pits for the past couple of days. Although nearly zero contact with my toxic mother, she managed to put me into some drama, lying about things I said (which I haven't spoken with her to say). I got a message from a family member, who I don't speak with regularly at all, upset with me and telling me I caused a lot of hurt...by things I never said/did. The day after that message, I get pics from toxic mother of the fam together w/"my beautiful family." I felt furious, but more than anything sad and depressed. I would do anything for a supportive, nurturing, safe mother. I literally wish I had a mother to help me through my mother sh*t. I feel broken right now. I know that she has her own mental issues and I get it, but there's grief here over not having this with someone. I don't want mothered by her ever. I don't want this fakeness. I wish it didn't still hurt. There is physical pain when I think on these things. And I hate myself for that.

I'm sorry you've been in the pits. That is the worst place to be. And you are there for one of the most painful reasons, an abuser who should be a nurturer.

Big hug! You deserve it.

You have every right to be angry. Anger is not evil. It is an emotion that lets us know we've been wronged. Life is not everything we see on commercials and disney movies. But it really should be! That's good reason to be pissed off!

Keep venting here. There are people who care and will empathize with you. We will share our 2 cents worth as well in the hopes it will help you.

Hang in there. You are strong and will get through this.
Woodsy

 

[RussellSue]

I literally wish I had a mother to help me through my mother sh*t.

I am sorry. This is difficult.

My mother tends to live as a child would, taking 0 responsibility, blaming others - even her young children - for her shortcomings. My sister cannot talk to her because there is no healing to be had with my mother. I barely talk to her anymore and feel very abandoned even by recent behaviors. It's hard to have a dysfunctional mother.

I hope that you are able to find the support you need in your life even if she never gets her shit together. It may always hurt but I am guessing that with time and enough supportive relationships, you will find a way to feel nurtured and whole.

Anger is not evil. It is an emotion that lets us know we've been wronged.

@woodsy1 - I would hold onto that one for future use. (In fact, I may use it, myself.) That's something that a lot of us need to hear frequently.

 

[woodsy1]

@woodsy1 - I would hold onto that one for future use. (In fact, I may use it, myself.) That's something that a lot of us need to hear frequently.

Thanks @RussellSue. It's just true. No emotions are bad. They all serve a purpose. It's better I think to share them than to hide them.

 

[TruthSeeker]

The one thing I learned at an early age is that family doesn't always mean related. My dad was an abusive druggy drunk that beat on his family any chance he got. My mom was a drunk that floated at the bottom of a bottle like a like a cigarette butt and then suddenly became the "world's best mother" that "tryed her best". As she tryed to break me down I gravitated towards the people that built me up and gave compassion. Don't feel like your chained to anyone. If they feel like playing games let them play games and stay close to your inner circle. Let them build you up with there love.

Great choices to substitute the positive and disregard the negative-bug steps forward to a much better life....just know you are growing in a better direction than your family, and let your value system and how you live your life speak for your character.