I know there have been some threads on this, but would be grateful for what people have learned or can offer as suggestions to develop a sense of safety or cure the feelings that come with the opposite?
I don't really understand it, except for this: I noticed when I feel safe, I actually feel there is an absence of feeling not-safe. I know that sounds obvious, but it seems to be either/or. I also know that for me, it doesn't involve realizing the world is not a safe place at any given time. I know that, and I think though my problem is not one of 'thoughts' or maybe even beliefs, but this pervasive feeling that some catastrophy is going to occur. Mostly deaths of someone, or natural disasters, or violence. (All of these have occurred in the past). It is worse as regards others' safety or well-being, not my own (except for violence/impact). Except also for as it applies to that I am responsible for. But the fear of death of others is one of the worst. I think that's why I don't get angry (genuinely) at people most of the time, because I'm thinking that might/ could occur, not because the anger is buried. And even things like not giving hugs because of covid makes me think I hope they don't die when I couldn't. Yet, I've had to deal with a lot of people dying and do much palliative care, it's not related to 'death' exactly itself.
by analogy, t seemed to develop like this: if you had a person who is not big on blood, or doesn't have a medical background, and they are all of a sudden in a bloody scene. And they totally keep it together and have their hands in there better than most, and at expense to themself and without fear stopping them from what needs to be done, and there's no debriefing seemingly required. But months later, all of a sudden everything red- ketchup, ballons, pen caps, etc- puts them in to terror and a cold sweat and sick, and ready to run. (Not that that's the scenario that occurred, but a similar idea).
I know for me, too, horrible things followed very happy/ hopeful moments. I also am not great on visualizing, I never could find a 'safe place'. But I could think of a red candle.
Also, when they say things work out, even surviving them sometimes it was catastrophic and not what I would consider 'recivered' from, more than just survived and still 'here'.
I work a lot on cognitive distortions, but it seems to be a 'feeling', or maybe an all-pervasive belief or thought I can't identify.
Hoping someone might have some suggestions. It is as if it's too pervasive to isolate one particular incident.
On the other hand, I have also tried to be more assertive (by necessity), and actually though it's been helpful at times it's required also being more curt or negative (by necessity, more than just assertive), also for boundaries, and I don't like how it makes me and that kind of delivery is not true to my character, or at least it never was, so I don't want to do more of that. Also, I am wondering if something somatic might work, but I don't hold that much hope in it.
Thank you if you can help, I am really tired and it really interferes with my life.
I don't really understand it, except for this: I noticed when I feel safe, I actually feel there is an absence of feeling not-safe. I know that sounds obvious, but it seems to be either/or. I also know that for me, it doesn't involve realizing the world is not a safe place at any given time. I know that, and I think though my problem is not one of 'thoughts' or maybe even beliefs, but this pervasive feeling that some catastrophy is going to occur. Mostly deaths of someone, or natural disasters, or violence. (All of these have occurred in the past). It is worse as regards others' safety or well-being, not my own (except for violence/impact). Except also for as it applies to that I am responsible for. But the fear of death of others is one of the worst. I think that's why I don't get angry (genuinely) at people most of the time, because I'm thinking that might/ could occur, not because the anger is buried. And even things like not giving hugs because of covid makes me think I hope they don't die when I couldn't. Yet, I've had to deal with a lot of people dying and do much palliative care, it's not related to 'death' exactly itself.
by analogy, t seemed to develop like this: if you had a person who is not big on blood, or doesn't have a medical background, and they are all of a sudden in a bloody scene. And they totally keep it together and have their hands in there better than most, and at expense to themself and without fear stopping them from what needs to be done, and there's no debriefing seemingly required. But months later, all of a sudden everything red- ketchup, ballons, pen caps, etc- puts them in to terror and a cold sweat and sick, and ready to run. (Not that that's the scenario that occurred, but a similar idea).
I know for me, too, horrible things followed very happy/ hopeful moments. I also am not great on visualizing, I never could find a 'safe place'. But I could think of a red candle.
Also, when they say things work out, even surviving them sometimes it was catastrophic and not what I would consider 'recivered' from, more than just survived and still 'here'.
I work a lot on cognitive distortions, but it seems to be a 'feeling', or maybe an all-pervasive belief or thought I can't identify.
Hoping someone might have some suggestions. It is as if it's too pervasive to isolate one particular incident.
On the other hand, I have also tried to be more assertive (by necessity), and actually though it's been helpful at times it's required also being more curt or negative (by necessity, more than just assertive), also for boundaries, and I don't like how it makes me and that kind of delivery is not true to my character, or at least it never was, so I don't want to do more of that. Also, I am wondering if something somatic might work, but I don't hold that much hope in it.
Thank you if you can help, I am really tired and it really interferes with my life.
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