Being estranged from your family will only add further to your loneliness.
Living alone can be hard work and expensive. Financial help is harder to get - compared to someone with children. When you're ill/depressed.....There's no-one to take care of you.....Being alone can have benefits, yet come at a high price.
The conflict with your mother is due to her not acknowledging the mistakes she made in the past. Deep underneath, she's seriously questioning her reasons for the way she treated you and could be experiencing regret. She believes the need to be protected from you - yet has to convince herself of this.
There are times when it takes much courage to admit that we have done something wrong. One way of avoiding this challenge is to forever seek confirmation that you are the cause of her troubles. One thing your mother will be aware of . That's the impending reality that she could be in need of your help one day. She's getting older, lonely and facing the certainty of a future devoid of companionship. Her anger towards you may be due to insecurity and fear.
This ongoing, unresolved conflict with your mother could be the cause for further arguments with other people you engage with in everyday life. You feel the need to 'raise those defences' when interacting with people and this suddenly escalates into aggression on both sides. You become defensive whilst the other person becomes defensive and this quickly becomes an anger filled argument.
Your experience with the 'medical community' demonstrates this. As you complain to them, you start to get angry. In turn, one of their members - such as the doctor or receptionist - starts to get agitated. It's only fair to agree. When members of the medical profession become aware that they could have made a mistake regarding your care, they can become rather defensive. A lot of anger, frustration and arguing. Yet not getting your problems resolved and your needs met. This becomes unproductive for everyone.
From reading your posts, you are having a really hard time dealing with a multitude of people and this must have a deep impact on your self-confidence. All of this conflict with others is not going to help you.
Put everything you've written into a simple sentence or two and look at it.....
How you are living at present is causing you much unhappiness. The time has come to work out a plan in order to make changes and create a new life for yourself. Decide what you are unhappy about and how you can make some positive changes.
Firstly. You are forever haunted by your mother and the relationship that appears to have deteriorated over the years. This may be an underlying cause for your feelings of anger and anxiety. All of what you are writing on here about your mother could be discussed with a counsellor/therapist. The conflict with your mother is taking over your life. Your mother has treated you unfairly and you are living the legacy of her unjust treatment. The counselling should help come to terms with how you were treated and appreciate that her treatment need not define you.
Your mother is reflecting on her own life - if only out of self-pity. Facing the realisation that she may need you. Family breakdowns can be irretrievable - resulting in many life regrets - and your mother knows this. Of course. This is your decision and it is understandable why you don't want a relationship with her. She has made decisions in her life that have resulted in your own problems. She may regret her previous relationship decisions, such as standing by your stepdad at whatever cost to you. There can be complex reasons for this - as in many abusive oriented relationships.
Perhaps compromise, boundary setting and taking things slowly may help towards re-connecting with your mother.
Everyone seems to turn against you. You are approached with anger, bullying and accusations of secret filming. The questions here....Why is this happening? Why you?Sometimes in order to find the answer, you need to understand the people and their situations. Although these people are 'out to get you', it has little to do with you as a person. All the people are angry because of their own situation. They are expressing their frustrations and anger towards you because they have nowhere (or no-one) else to direct this at.
There's your mother for a start. Someone who feels the need to blame her daughter and express anger or other negative behaviour because she's struggling to come to terms with her own mistakes. Many parents put the blame on their children because they feel that they have missed out on opportunities to progress with their own lives. It's sad, but this is just the way it is.
Take the man who abused you at the auction because you asked some questions. People don't like it when someone does something that others want to do - but haven't the courage to do. The end result is hostility. You write about this man regularly suing the police. He may tell everyone that he sues the police in order to gain attention. Pointing his phone at you was his way of being threatening.
Then there's your battle with the medical professionals. Overworked. Underpaid. Undervalued. Dealing with several 'caseloads' at any one time. Do they make mistakes?.....Many paid the price for not being able to attend a routine/preliminary appointment due to the Covid lockdowns. Your conflict with the medical profession is the result of you not having your initial needs met, followed by you becoming angry and upset. The doctors/hospital are not able to meet your needs and are well aware of the insufficient care that you - and others - are receiving. The doctors express their frustrations at you. Then you respond with anger. Here. Both parties are trying to deal with a bad situation.
It's time to start making some changes. The counselling should help to deal with your personal issues.
Try to make some peace with your mother. Further reading on self-assertiveness techniques will help resolve any disputes with service providers/businesses. A calm approach is needed.
As for hating where you live. Have you considered moving away? Where would you like to live? Wherever we live. There are both positive and negative aspects.
It's hard. There's no simple answer that will enable you to live peacefully alongside these people. You cannot change the people, nor the environment - but you can make small changes to find peace within yourself.
