- Thread starter
- #1,237
Freida
MyPTSD Pro
I wonder sometimes if have I learned anything about relationships over the last few years
Well -- I do understand what ghosting is to my supporters, and how damaging it can be.
So do I still do it? Sometimes.
Because it's just easier.
No muss, no fuss, no arguments.
Just poof! and it ends.
Does it mean the relationship meant nothing to me?
Not really sure how to answer that.
I guess it did mean something - then
But right now? Not so much
Will it mean something in the future?
Who knows.
Figuring out why would require a bunch of introspective crap I don't have the energy to do.
So it's easier just to bail.
Ok- so what do I do differently today then?
I'm more honest about space and shutdowns and overwhelm to those who I want to keep in my life
I've talked about what it feels like when I simply just can't engage.
I'm trying harder to communicate when I'm in a good place, so I have a better foundation when I'm in a bad one.
But it's still a struggle.
So.
I'm giving myself a blame pass when I try to explain it has nothing to do with them and they can't accept that as an answer
I'm giving myself a blame pass when they are just super needy and I can't risk my own self care to make them feel better
I'm giving myself a blame pass when I say "I JUST CAN'T!" and they don't understand why
I'm giving myself a blame pass over having ptsd and the cost it can take on others who want me to be someone else
And maybe, just maybe, by giving myself that pass I can build stronger relationships in the future....
Because we will both understand I can't be more than I am - no matter how much they want me to be
So - is this improvement?
Or resignation?
hmmmm... good question.
Well -- I do understand what ghosting is to my supporters, and how damaging it can be.
So do I still do it? Sometimes.
Because it's just easier.
No muss, no fuss, no arguments.
Just poof! and it ends.
Does it mean the relationship meant nothing to me?
Not really sure how to answer that.
I guess it did mean something - then
But right now? Not so much
Will it mean something in the future?
Who knows.
Figuring out why would require a bunch of introspective crap I don't have the energy to do.
So it's easier just to bail.
Ok- so what do I do differently today then?
I'm more honest about space and shutdowns and overwhelm to those who I want to keep in my life
I've talked about what it feels like when I simply just can't engage.
I'm trying harder to communicate when I'm in a good place, so I have a better foundation when I'm in a bad one.
But it's still a struggle.
So.
I'm giving myself a blame pass when I try to explain it has nothing to do with them and they can't accept that as an answer
I'm giving myself a blame pass when they are just super needy and I can't risk my own self care to make them feel better
I'm giving myself a blame pass when I say "I JUST CAN'T!" and they don't understand why
I'm giving myself a blame pass over having ptsd and the cost it can take on others who want me to be someone else
And maybe, just maybe, by giving myself that pass I can build stronger relationships in the future....
Because we will both understand I can't be more than I am - no matter how much they want me to be
So - is this improvement?
Or resignation?
hmmmm... good question.