Anyone else experience extreme periods of rage followed by an extreme comedown resulting in exhaustion.

[Ghazi]

I have an anger problem, I am ultra aggressive hyper vigilant evasive day and night and have been since I was a kid.

When I’m confronted by what I perceive as a threat whether it’s a verbal disagreement, some form of disrespect or a physical threat, I have what I can only describe as fits of anger lasting maybe an hour or two, in those few hours I feel high, unbeatable I could destroy the world and my brain just senses danger all around and its response is to attack back with ruthlessness.

Very rarely the threat level is severe enough to justify that response. But I learned the hard way that allowing my rage to act on the threat it’s seeing is a mistake and has cost me relationships.

It’s a battle for me to talk myself down, when I was younger I didn’t always succeed and it would lead to dangerous encounters.

I now manage to convince myself to not act on my impulses, I’ve devised a system where I talk to myself and make a deal that if I still feel the same way once I’m calm, then that confirms that the threat is real and not just an overreaction. Then I can take action accordingly, and almost always once I’m calm I realise that yes there was a level of threat but nothing that was worth wasting my time on.

So I go through this rage, few hours where I see red I have learned to escape when I feel it coming on. Go somewhere be by myself.

Once I’ve calmed down I have a massive crash, I’m exhausted my mood is totally down, I just want to sleep be by myself I will barely eat and sleep for 12 hours sometimes more.

Anyone else experience anything similar?

 

[Teamwork]

Have you ever had an eeg done or requested to be hooked up for a period of time? It was what popped into my head as a thought to consider. The only time I’ve had anything remotely close to what you have described, and it’s happened twice is from taking the medication amytritriptelene. (spelling?) it left me with a weird sedation type hangover the next day and I went off at the slightest provocation. The rage episode was intense. Looking back over the incident the matter was trivial, the rage frightening to myself and those around me. Also outside my control. The fact that you have to work so hard to deal with it would be exhausting. Back to the eeg thought. Some, seizures behave the way you are describing it. Now whether they come with the level of awareness you have during it, I don’t know. It just feels like there is also a medical component to the episodes. I feel for you and also commend you for the extraordinary work you have put in to keep yourself level.

 

[user27357]

some of the ex-combat vets on here talk about being programmed for that level of response to threats, and the ability to concentrate their energy into explosive force when needed. It is explained to me and I try to understand, but it has to be a deep programming and a life or death understanding that a half an effort where a whole effort is required could be deadly for you or your fellows. I don't think I can fully understand it but I get it like you do at times, and it was reinforced behavior from my time as an EMT/firefighter. I get into a thought tunnel where the only thing that matters is what happens next. nothing before or after is as important as this task, and it will be accomplished no matter what. That was great when it was truly important for a victim or myself, not so great when arguing with my wife. What comes after does matter, and it matters a lot. Great skill to possess, horrible thing to manage. Like having a big dog, manage the leash dude.

 

[Flying Dove]

I have an anger problem, I am ultra aggressive hyper vigilant evasive day and night and have been since I was a kid.

When I’m confronted by what I perceive as a threat whether it’s a verbal disagreement, some form of disrespect or a physical threat, I have what I can only describe as fits of anger lasting maybe an hour or two, in those few hours I feel high, unbeatable I could destroy the world and my brain just senses danger all around and its response is to attack back with ruthlessness.

Very rarely the threat level is severe enough to justify that response. But I learned the hard way that allowing my rage to act on the threat it’s seeing is a mistake and has cost me relationships.

It’s a battle for me to talk myself down, when I was younger I didn’t always succeed and it would lead to dangerous encounters.

I now manage to convince myself to not act on my impulses, I’ve devised a system where I talk to myself and make a deal that if I still feel the same way once I’m calm, then that confirms that the threat is real and not just an overreaction. Then I can take action accordingly, and almost always once I’m calm I realise that yes there was a level of threat but nothing that was worth wasting my time on.

So I go through this rage, few hours where I see red I have learned to escape when I feel it coming on. Go somewhere be by myself.

Once I’ve calmed down I have a massive crash, I’m exhausted my mood is totally down, I just want to sleep be by myself I will barely eat and sleep for 12 hours sometimes more.

Anyone else experience anything similar?

Do you know who or what triggers you? Tried meditation deep breath8ng emdr therapy.? Our perception of an issue can cause the fight response. STOP - slow down take a breath observe proceed with caution.

 

[No More]

Yes, similar. And I always have had rage episodes since I was very young and I can be very violent to others & myself.

It tends for me to be a combination of lots of small things building up over time that I can work through and let pass, and then they will do something which does - imo- justify some sort of anger reaction, but they get the whole built up rage blow which is disproportionate to the situation. If they’ve poked me that far I don’t care if I destroy the relationship because it does take a lot to get me over that line.

The big trigger is physical threat to myself or a friend. I will go off like a bomb, but it’s very focused adrenaline rage on protecting and getting ‘rid’ of the threat. And at those times I couldn’t give a f*ck about physical pain or threat to myself because I’m too busy stopping the threat from hurting a friend or doing as much damage to them as I possibly can.

And then after I get that mellow, sleepy, crash.

 

[Ghazi]

Have you ever had an eeg done or requested to be hooked up for a period of time? It was what popped into my head as a thought to consider. The only time I’ve had anything remotely close to what you have described, and it’s happened twice is from taking the medication amytritriptelene. (spelling?) it left me with a weird sedation type hangover the next day and I went off at the slightest provocation. The rage episode was intense. Looking back over the incident the matter was trivial, the rage frightening to myself and those around me. Also outside my control. The fact that you have to work so hard to deal with it would be exhausting. Back to the eeg thought. Some, seizures behave the way you are describing it. Now whether they come with the level of awareness you have during it, I don’t know. It just feels like there is also a medical component to the episodes. I feel for you and also commend you for the extraordinary work you have put in to keep yourself level.

I had an eeg hooked up for a week as I was experiencing breathlessness and random increases in heart beat.
I marked the times when I felt this increase, but the eeg came back as normal even when I’d noted my perceived increase.

Do you know who or what triggers you? Tried meditation deep breath8ng emdr therapy.? Our perception of an issue can cause the fight response. STOP - slow down take a breath observe proceed with caution.

The trigger is any sign of disrespect, or signs a conversation is leaning to a confrontation.

When I was younger It was like a switch, everything is normal I’m fine have no aggressive intention. The very second I sense an issue I’d launch an attack usually physical. It felt like my mind didn’t even have time to instruct the action, it would just happen I had no warning or control over it.

Now I’m much more capable of seeing the early signs, what I do now is I alert the person that I’m perceiving disrespect or a threat from them, I don’t have an issue with them and they should state their position immediately before this escalates.

99 times out of 100 it cools the situation. The only therapy I find helps me keep my anger levels down is going to the gym. I train to exhaustion to the point where I feel like passing out, burn all my energy.

 

[Ghazi]

some of the ex-combat vets on here talk about being programmed for that level of response to threats, and the ability to concentrate their energy into explosive force when needed. It is explained to me and I try to understand, but it has to be a deep programming and a life or death understanding that a half an effort where a whole effort is required could be deadly for you or your fellows. I don't think I can fully understand it but I get it like you do at times, and it was reinforced behavior from my time as an EMT/firefighter. I get into a thought tunnel where the only thing that matters is what happens next. nothing before or after is as important as this task, and it will be accomplished no matter what. That was great when it was truly important for a victim or myself, not so great when arguing with my wife. What comes after does matter, and it matters a lot. Great skill to possess, horrible thing to manage. Like having a big dog, manage the leash dude.

this is exactly what I experience, and it has served me well.

some of the ex-combat vets on here talk about being programmed for that level of response to threats, and the ability to concentrate their energy into explosive force when needed. It is explained to me and I try to understand, but it has to be a deep programming and a life or death understanding that a half an effort where a whole effort is required could be deadly for you or your fellows. I don't think I can fully understand it but I get it like you do at times, and it was reinforced behavior from my time as an EMT/firefighter. I get into a thought tunnel where the only thing that matters is what happens next. nothing before or after is as important as this task, and it will be accomplished no matter what. That was great when it was truly important for a victim or myself, not so great when arguing with my wife. What comes after does matter, and it matters a lot. Great skill to possess, horrible thing to manage. Like having a big dog, manage the leash dude.

Perfectly put. I feel like the terminator on a mission

Yes, similar. And I always have had rage episodes since I was very young and I can be very violent to others & myself.

It tends for me to be a combination of lots of small things building up over time that I can work through and let pass, and then they will do something which does - imo- justify some sort of anger reaction, but they get the whole built up rage blow which is disproportionate to the situation. If they’ve poked me that far I don’t care if I destroy the relationship because it does take a lot to get me over that line.

The big trigger is physical threat to myself or a friend. I will go off like a bomb, but it’s very focused adrenaline rage on protecting and getting ‘rid’ of the threat. And at those times I couldn’t give a f*ck about physical pain or threat to myself because I’m too busy stopping the threat from hurting a friend or doing as much damage to them as I possibly can.

And then after I get that mellow, sleepy, crash.

This is pretty much what I experience, nothing else matters this threat is a priority.

Also I’m not one who signs up to sticks and stones may break my bones but words won’t hurt me.

I don’t allow people to run their mouth because there’s an unwritten societal rule that allows weasels to launch a verbal insult and then tell me my response can only be a verbal one in return because that’s the rule.
I dont return insult with insult, you don’t dictate the rules.
And I agree this sensation is heightened when the threat is against someone I feel responsible for like friends and family.

 

[No More]

Also I’m not one who signs up to sticks and stones may break my bones but words won’t hurt me.

Ahh we differ slightly there. I don’t care what people call me. I’m more than likely to laugh. I am also quite likely to goad them a bit more.

Nah, my interpersonal blow up triggers tend to be A) people who don’t respect my physical boundary, ya know the types, the huggy, keep touching my hair when there drunk cos they think it’s funny - that type. And B) people who are very codependent, clingy, need lots of reassurance. Fawning behaviour on me is a big old trigger. And yes, before anyone says I am in therapy and I am doing my best to control it.

And I agree this sensation is heightened when the threat is against someone I feel responsible for like friends and family.

This though - perfectly put.

 

[user27357]

I feel like the terminator on a mission

try to picture the Terminator in county lockup for throwing punches over a parking spot. Aint gonna happen, because it's a movie. Terminator don't have to take the words will never hurt me BS right? Thats because he can walk down to craft services after the scene is wrapped and get a latte.

Out here, where it matters, where you will get to see the county lock up and meet a defense attorney appointed for you, better learn to choose discretion over valor pal. Take it from one who has seen it many many times, "dude was asking for it" doesn't even register with the arresting officer. I checked them over, found the sources of the bleeding and got them to refuse a ride to an ER, then the waiting cops waded in and took over. Wasn't even fun to watch, and you don't want to get all of your options read to you by a cop that wishes you had just kept it to yourself, as will you. Soon and for a long time after.

You quoted me twice, hope you got the meaning, get it under control or the control specialists will be taking over for you.

really man, play those tapes out to the end and what you see will be a sure cure for losing it innapropriately. It's a great thing to be able to handle yourself in a rough spot,yes, but getting a firm grip on that big dog on that leash is the skill that will earn you more in the long run, many many times over.

 

[Weemie]

Yep, it's called an adrenaline crash. I spent a long time studying the mechanisms of violence and aggression to address the tendency in myself to go completely berserk at the slightest provocation. I was trained to be as brutal and cruel as possible as a child, and I've suffered responses akin to "killing rage" as an adult. It does not end well, it never does. Peace is the only option for a viable life. So I focused on mitigating those impulses and even isolating myself from others to ensure I don't harm them.

I dont return insult with insult, you don’t dictate the rules.

Unfortunately, living in a society means that external forces do dictate the rules. No one person is so powerful that they can act with complete impunity. At a certain point, this mentality taken to its extreme will land you in prison or worse. As you have noted, your reactions have cost you significantly in terms of your interpersonal relationships.

There are many moments in my life that I returned insults with broken bones, and I regret it. Eventually I had cultivated a reputation as someone frightening and abusive, and that is when I realized that what I initially perceived as "power" on my end, was really weakness - a representation of a fragile ego. It is easy to throw a punch. It is easy to make people afraid of you via ordinary application of force. And fear isn't respect. It's just fear.

It's a lot harder to use your words. To compromise, to negotiate, and to walk away.

 

[Flying Dove]

The trigger is any sign of disrespect, or signs a conversation is leaning to a confrontation.

When I was younger It was like a switch, everything is normal I’m fine have no aggressive intention. The very second I sense an issue I’d launch an attack usually physical. It felt like my mind didn’t even have time to instruct the action, it would just happen I had no warning or control over it.

Now I’m much more capable of seeing the early signs, what I do now is I alert the person that I’m perceiving disrespect or a threat from them, I don’t have an issue with them and they should state their position immediately before this escalates.

99 times out of 100 it cools the situation. The only therapy I find helps me keep my anger levels down is going to the gym. I train to exhaustion to the point where I feel like passing out, burn all my energy.

I got bacterial meningitis of my brain from chronic sinusitis craniotomy done to remove access left temporal lobe. Was in medically induced coma on a vent septic multi organ failure may 2014. I had to re learn everything plus new stuff. I had therapy. I learned about personality disorders codependency etc. I have learned that some people cannot have access to me especially now in the current volatile political situation. I had to learn people can and do manipulate others have no boundaries and I learned that these individuals can read weaknesses in others and I could be a " target". I have a seizure risk from the surgery. I have had several EEGs Now they show no seizure activity. I have had anger issues too. The polyvagal theory helps me. My husband is a veteran has been in war zones. I see from your posts and others he has similar traits. I am back in therapy and back on this site to get more help in regards to all this. Thank you for your posts.

Yep, it's called an adrenaline crash. I spent a long time studying the mechanisms of violence and aggression to address the tendency in myself to go completely berserk at the slightest provocation. I was trained to be as brutal and cruel as possible as a child, and I've suffered responses akin to "killing rage" as an adult. It does not end well, it never does. Peace is the only option for a viable life. So I focused on mitigating those impulses and even isolating myself from others to ensure I don't harm them.



Unfortunately, living in a society means that external forces do dictate the rules. No one person is so powerful that they can act with complete impunity. At a certain point, this mentality taken to its extreme will land you in prison or worse. As you have noted, your reactions have cost you significantly in terms of your interpersonal relationships.

There are many moments in my life that I returned insults with broken bones, and I regret it. Eventually I had cultivated a reputation as someone frightening and abusive, and that is when I realized that what I initially perceived as "power" on my end, was really weakness - a representation of a fragile ego. It is easy to throw a punch. It is easy to make people afraid of you via ordinary application of force. And fear isn't respect. It's just fear.

It's a lot harder to use your words. To compromise, to negotiate, and to walk away.

Weembie thank you for this post. I agree and relate. In the end you have to decide whether to walk away let go set boundaries.

 

[Ghazi]

Have you ever had an eeg done or requested to be hooked up for a period of time? It was what popped into my head as a thought to consider. The only time I’ve had anything remotely close to what you have described, and it’s happened twice is from taking the medication amytritriptelene. (spelling?) it left me with a weird sedation type hangover the next day and I went off at the slightest provocation. The rage episode was intense. Looking back over the incident the matter was trivial, the rage frightening to myself and those around me. Also outside my control. The fact that you have to work so hard to deal with it would be exhausting. Back to the eeg thought. Some, seizures behave the way you are describing it. Now whether they come with the level of awareness you have during it, I don’t know. It just feels like there is also a medical component to the episodes. I feel for you and also commend you for the extraordinary work you have put in to keep yourself level.

Yes, similar. And I always have had rage episodes since I was very young and I can be very violent to others & myself.

It tends for me to be a combination of lots of small things building up over time that I can work through and let pass, and then they will do something which does - imo- justify some sort of anger reaction, but they get the whole built up rage blow which is disproportionate to the situation. If they’ve poked me that far I don’t care if I destroy the relationship because it does take a lot to get me over that line.

The big trigger is physical threat to myself or a friend. I will go off like a bomb, but it’s very focused adrenaline rage on protecting and getting ‘rid’ of the threat. And at those times I couldn’t give a f*ck about physical pain or threat to myself because I’m too busy stopping the threat from hurting a friend or doing as much damage to them as I possibly can.

And then after I get that mellow, sleepy, i also get a period of shaking, my whole body

Ahh we differ slightly there. I don’t care what people call me. I’m more than likely to laugh. I am also quite likely to goad them a bit more.

Nah, my interpersonal blow up triggers tend to be A) people who don’t respect my physical boundary, ya know the types, the huggy, keep touching my hair when there drunk cos they think it’s funny - that type. And B) people who are very codependent, clingy, need lots of reassurance. Fawning behaviour on me is a big old trigger. And yes, before anyone says I am in therapy and I am doing my best to control it.


This though - perfectly put.

try to picture the Terminator in county lockup for throwing punches over a parking spot. Aint gonna happen, because it's a movie. Terminator don't have to take the words will never hurt me BS right? Thats because he can walk down to craft services after the scene is wrapped and get a latte.

Out here, where it matters, where you will get to see the county lock up and meet a defense attorney appointed for you, better learn to choose discretion over valor pal. Take it from one who has seen it many many times, "dude was asking for it" doesn't even register with the arresting officer. I checked them over, found the sources of the bleeding and got them to refuse a ride to an ER, then the waiting cops waded in and took over. Wasn't even fun to watch, and you don't want to get all of your options read to you by a cop that wishes you had just kept it to yourself, as will you. Soon and for a long time after.

You quoted me twice, hope you got the meaning, get it under control or the control specialists will be taking over for you.

really man, play those tapes out to the end and what you see will be a sure cure for losing it innapropriately. It's a great thing to be able to handle yourself in a rough spot,yes, but getting a firm grip on that big dog on that leash is the skill that will earn you more in the long run, many many times over.

lol I hear you and your absolutely correct and it’s a discussion I have with myself regularly.

Fortunately I have myself under control enough to understand that when I do decide to act up it’s only for the right reason and not because I’m being driven by my anger.

I am a god fearing man, and my main driving force in controlling my urges is my faith and the will to do good and not evil. I spend my days questioning my every action and how god will judge my action, and that steers me on the right path.

However if im being threatened I must do what’s necessary to protect myself, then lockup isn’t something to deter me, I’d happily sit inside for a righteous reason, I’m at peace with that.. I have things I value and I will fight to the death for those things, I refuse to live my life with my neck under someone’s boot.

Some things are worse than jail, and in the end we all end up in the ground. I’d hate to live my life any other way, don’t get me wrong I don’t want to have problems and would be happy if life could just pass by like a breeze. But that’s not reality.