Anxiety about employment

[Eliza]

Hello! So I lost my dream job the week before I was meant to complete on a house, the same week as the anniversary of surviving a terrorist attack.
My job ended in a really horrendous manner. The employers said it’s because I “wasn’t ready” for the role I was in. My friends and family think it’s because government funding everywhere is going down the pan and my workplace is just the result of that. I keep switching between the two.
I’ve taken a week to just get my head around things, but I genuinely keep having panic attacks at the thought of going for another job interview. It sounds stupid, but I survived a terrorist attack and my feelings towards going for another job interview mirror my feelings towards going back onto the bridge where the attack happened. Knowing full well it’s just a job interview (or it’s just a bridge), but getting so worked up I have a full blown panic attack at the very thought of an interview - and I haven’t even applied for a job yet.
My mum is suggesting going for some counselling and that they will pay for it - but will that be a massive waste of time? I feel ridiculous having PTSD symptoms from a blooming work meeting, but equally, I’m having nightmares, panic attacks and keep randomly bursting into tears over it.
Should I get some counselling? Or am I being stupid and should just get over myself?
Any and all advice would be gratefully received!
Thank you. Xxx

 

[Quassus]

Hello! So I lost my dream job the week before I was meant to complete on a house, the same week as the anniversary of surviving a terrorist attack.
My job ended in a really horrendous manner. The employers said it’s because I “wasn’t ready” for the role I was in. My friends and family think it’s because government funding everywhere is going down the pan and my workplace is just the result of that. I keep switching between the two.
I’ve taken a week to just get my head around things, but I genuinely keep having panic attacks at the thought of going for another job interview. It sounds stupid, but I survived a terrorist attack and my feelings towards going for another job interview mirror my feelings towards going back onto the bridge where the attack happened. Knowing full well it’s just a job interview (or it’s just a bridge), but getting so worked up I have a full blown panic attack at the very thought of an interview - and I haven’t even applied for a job yet.
My mum is suggesting going for some counselling and that they will pay for it - but will that be a massive waste of time? I feel ridiculous having PTSD symptoms from a blooming work meeting, but equally, I’m having nightmares, panic attacks and keep randomly bursting into tears over it.
Should I get some counselling? Or am I being stupid and should just get over myself?
Any and all advice would be gratefully received!
Thank you. Xxx

Go see a counselor because it isn't the job interview that's causing you stress. That's only a trigger thats causing you symptoms. You need to address the trauma underneath it to heal the real issue and stop the symptoms that are affecting your life. Definitely not a waste a time!

 

[Eliza]

Thank you. I’m sort of half-aware that there’s most likely an underlying cause that’s coming to the surface through this, but equally it’s incredibly frustrating that this is what’s brought it all to the surface again!
My counsellor after the terrorist attack tried to explain it in terms of a cup in my head and that certain things fill it and that what I might not think is bothering me is actually filling the cup and the slightest thing will tip it over the edge. And I think losing my job might be the tipping point because I just feel like I can’t cope with what’s happening, even though I survived a terrorist attack and even that didn’t affect me this much.

 

[Quassus]

Thank you. I’m sort of half-aware that there’s most likely an underlying cause that’s coming to the surface through this, but equally it’s incredibly frustrating that this is what’s brought it all to the surface again!
My counsellor after the terrorist attack tried to explain it in terms of a cup in my head and that certain things fill it and that what I might not think is bothering me is actually filling the cup and the slightest thing will tip it over the edge. And I think losing my job might be the tipping point because I just feel like I can’t cope with what’s happening, even though I survived a terrorist attack and even that didn’t affect me this much.

Yes I think your analogy is what many Ts call your window of tolerance. We all have a window of tolerance and PTSD makes it pretty small. So we have to go to therapy to expand that window so we can handle the everyday stresses without panic or going off the deep end. When we don't any stress us pushes out of that window one way or the other leading to panic attacks, or disassociatian or many other symptoms. Loosing your job is pushing out of your window for whatever reason.

 

[Eliza]

Thank you. X
It feels silly, but it feels like I’ve been pushed so far out of the window that the window is barely in sight anymore.
It was my dream job and it feels really stupid to say, but the feelings of going for a job interview are as strong, if not stronger, than the feelings of walking over the bridge again. But I feel incredibly silly saying this to anyone IRL and I’m not even sure how to broach the subject, even with my parents who suggested the counselling.
I just feel like a mess right now.

 

[Quassus]

Thank you. X
It feels silly, but it feels like I’ve been pushed so far out of the window that the window is barely in sight anymore.
It was my dream job and it feels really stupid to say, but the feelings of going for a job interview are as strong, if not stronger, than the feelings of walking over the bridge again. But I feel incredibly silly saying this to anyone IRL and I’m not even sure how to broach the subject, even with my parents who suggested the counselling.
I just feel like a mess right now.

Maybe just go see the counselor as the guest step. Don't worry what you will say, or right it down just like you did here. I hope you can get some help, it's nice fun to suffer through it all alone.

 

[whiteraven]

the feelings of going for a job interview are as strong, if not stronger, than the feelings of walking over the bridge again.

It's not uncommon at all to feel the same way about something that feels totally unrelated. I actually feel the same way about job interviews (and a host of other things) that I did with some of my traumas. For me, in some cases it's the unpredictability or worrying about being told I'm not enough or a bunch of other stuff. So it's likely NOT the interview, but other things surrounding it. A therapist can help you figure that out and help you deal with it.

 

[Friday]

Should I get some counselling? Or am I being stupid and should just get over myself?

Both?

As in it’s stupid to not get over yourself & get into counselling if that’s available.

GOOD counseling is/often is hard as hell to find, so refusing to even look? FIRST means getting over yourself, in order to find someone to help you.

 

[Movingforward10]

That cup analogy is also an article on this site. I'm not good at doing hyper links to things, but you can search for it, if that helps.

Totally not stupid. That's what triggers are. Something triggers the emotions from the past.
One of my random triggers was/is running in the heat makes me relive being raped in a specific body part. No obvious link from a to b in my mind. But: there are ways to overcome it.
Things I did:.
Write my worries down in a notebook before I went for a run and tell myself I will come back to them on my return..
I wrote "power" and "control" on my arms so I could look at them when running to remind me I had these things now. Didn't then. But do now.
Speaking out loud to myself. Reminding me of me and my autonomy.

Do any of those things help you? Or other things?

It's not the job interview. It's the past. And the past doesn't exist. And the feelings from the past are stopping you achieving now. So the feelings need to remain in the past.
The more you try the easier it will get (exposure therapy).

And the old addege " the only way out is through".

 

[Claudia]

Thank you. X
It feels silly, but it feels like I’ve been pushed so far out of the window that the window is barely in sight anymore.
It was my dream job and it feels really stupid to say, but the feelings of going for a job interview are as strong, if not stronger, than the feelings of walking over the bridge again. But I feel incredibly silly saying this to anyone IRL and I’m not even sure how to broach the subject, even with my parents who suggested the counselling.
I just feel like a mess right now.

it feels really stupid to say, but the feelings of going for a job interview are as strong, if not stronger, than the feelings of walking over the bridge again.

I feel the exact same way. I’m new to this forum but this resonated with me. I’ve been struggling with this type of reaction for the last several years and I’m baffled at why I’m having such a strong reaction to a job interview- it’s as though my life is at stake. I apply to the job and then hope I don’t hear back bc my anxiety is so bad. From reading this thread it sounds like it’s not the job interview it’s…maybe a flashback? Or it’s somehow related to the past trauma? Maybe…if they reject me that proves I’m just as unqualified and undeserving as I think I am? Abandonment? It feels really stupid to me also because I know this reaction is out of proportion to the event. When I got my last job I didn’t have much of an interview but it was for a position I wanted. Should be good news. I wound up in my car crying hysterically because I was so scared I was going to fail and I didn’t know what I was doing. I’ve never been able to figure it out this issue but it has affected my life greatly. I wonder what the underlying issue could be so I can stop feeling this way finally. Sorry, I may need have put this on another thread but letting you I relate.