Sexual Assault I think i was assaulted as a kid but cant remember

[pleasehelp]

I have a suspicion that I was assaulted as a kid. But I remember literally nothing.
Some of the reasons I think i was assaulted are:

• I have nightmares about being assaulted/raped
• I have panic attacks where I can feel someone’s hands on my body.
• I have panic attacks when people touch the back of my neck/approach me from behind

But I cannot remember anything. Like I cannot remember anything before the age of 13. So I have no clue when or where it would have happened, nor who would have done it.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum.

This must be pretty distressing for you. Do you have a therapist helping you process what you’re experiencing?

 

[pleasehelp]

Welcome to the forum.

This must be pretty distressing for you. Do you have a therapist helping you process what you’re experiencing?

No i dont. I do go to a therapist, but i'm too scared(?) to talk to her about it. I dont wanna lie i guess? But i think at my next session i'll kind of edge into it by talking about my most recent nightmare.

 

[Sideways]

I do go to a therapist, but i'm too scared(?) to talk to her about it. I dont wanna lie i guess?

I get this. The ‘what ifs’ seem huge.

Talking about it is, most often, incredibly helpful. And it’s exactly what Ts are trained to be good at:)

 

[Quassus]

I have been through something similar. I highly recommend reading or researching " The Body Keeps the Score". I always thought I might have be sexually abused and then oneday I started having body flashbacks. Horrible ones. But no real context. I'd avoided therapy but finally went to an EMDR therapist. She assured me that knowing the facts don't matter. If your brain and body are giving this to you, you need to trust that there is something you need to work through. I went through some crazy EMDR stuff and I still question if it was real but I also have come to peace with what I don't know. I know something happened.. that's it. EMDR has helped me to no longer have paralyzing flashbacks and therapy has given me coping skills. Don't be afraid to talk to your therapist. That's her job.

 

[Rose White]

@Quassus that’s neat to hear how much the EMDR therapy helped you—can maybe bring hope to others in similar situations.

 

[Friday]

Don’t talk about it with your T if she SUCKS at her job, is malicious/cruel/unkind/untrustworthy.

If she’s even halfway decent? Do.

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

I echo talking to your therapist, or finding one you can talk to. I used to feel exactly like you, and like you, my memories are missing from childhood.

The hardest thing to sit with for me is the lack of proof as to what happened back then. But the question you ask deserves attention, and the fact that you can’t remember your childhood signals that something is going on that needs attending to.