Childhood When I was 6 years old I was a cosca abuser

[Anon6739]

I was 6 years old the first time I saw porn, I showed it to my friend who was a girl I knew. I convinced her to try things in the videos we saw. We didn’t outright have sex but we touched each other, I only remember this when I see certain things or hear them it’s been a couple years since I’ve thought of it I really hope she’s okay now. I’ll carry this guilt and shame until I die. I’ve had trouble with attempted suicide before but I couldn’t even remember why I was miserable then. Now I deserve it

 

[arfie]

hello anon. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here but glad you are here.

in my long, confusing recovery from child sex trafficking, self-forgiveness has been my greatest challenge. at 6 years old, i already knew how to turn tricks and ENJOYED having the power to control adults with a flick of my evil tongue. i ENJOYED being shirley temple in a g-string for the amateur child pono directors. that is. . . until i discovered what kind of names and treatment society has for **girls like me**. life got way more psychotic than any 10 year old should ever know in a hurry after that discovery.

at 70, i still have days where i can't quite forgive myself for having known the ignorance of a 6 year old or the confusion of a victimized adolescent. whatcha think? do i deserve nothing but misery for the crime of having been young and dumb?

healing happens, anon. hope it happens to us. welcome aboard.

 

[Sideways]

Do you have ptsd?

 

[Anon6739]

Do you have ptsd?

I’m not sure how to tell I’m still very young

 

[Sideways]

I’m not sure how to tell I’m still very young

I was wondering if there was a reason why you brought this to a ptsd forum?

 

[Anon6739]

I was wondering if there was a reason why you brought this to a ptsd forum?

Everytime I remember it I don’t stop thinking about it for weeks, suddenly I forget it and whenever I see things that remind me of it I panic and just stop doing anything.

 

[Roland]

COCSA is sad, and terribly tragic for both children, but in my opinion it's neither child's fault. Both don't know any better. I hope you find peace and healing and maybe some therapy.

 

[anna645]

Everytime I remember it I don’t stop thinking about it for weeks, suddenly I forget it and whenever I see things that remind me of it I panic and just stop doing anything.

Same. Going through it right now and I feel so badly.

 

[Friday]

If a 2yo rapes an infant to death with a knife… are they a sexual predator? Nope. They’re a 2yo. It doesn’t matter that they’re “older”. You? Were a 6yo. Same. Standard. Applies. Only your own self, and abusers, would blame a 6yo you. Have you MET 6 year olds??? They’re little kids. In NO universe are they responsible for their actions.

 

[Movingforward10]

You were 6. It wasn't your fault at all.

In terms of criminal responbility, if that helps, in the UK you have to be 10 years old at least for the eyes of the law to have committed a crime. That's because of the lack of autonomy children have and the developmental stages. At 6 , you are so little.

You had access to adult material. That was the problem. The lack of supervision for you.
It's no wonder a 6 year old would actually that out, given that a 6 year old shouldn't see adult behaviour like that.
It wasn't your fault.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

as someone who was on the receiving end of COCSA at that age, from a kid of the same age, not your fault at all. you were a child, someone should have been guiding you properly and protecting you from porn. kids can’t understand what any of this is, both of you (like my situation) were victims of poor/improper/a hole in parenting.

i and my therapist see/word my perpetrator as a perpetrator, not an abuser.

i have much younger siblings that age now, you did not deserve retribution then, at 6, and neither do you now.