Communication Cards

[Roland]

I just wanted to share that I used a set of markers and a stack of 3" x 5" cards to make communication cards when I get triggered. (I completely shut down and can't talk, quite literally).

It's been a long time coming and I can't believe I only just now made them.

I can write or text just fine but I think having some pre-scripted statements may help.

I intend to mostly use them with my husband. I usually get triggered at night, sometimes related to intimacy, sometimes other things. Here's a few examples of the statements I wrote:

-Yes
-No
-I'm very thirsty
-I need a snack
-I'm going to rest downstairs you can follow me if you want
-I'm going to rest downstairs please do not follow me
-I'm going to sleep downstairs because I don't feel safe sleeping in a bed with another person right now
-I'm going to go hide in the closet you can follow me if you want
-I'm going to go hide
-Are you okay?
-It's not your fault, you didn't do anything to cause this reaction
-I'm sorry
-Please don't touch me
-Please only touch me with soft steady touches

Looking forward to this making a difference in my marriage. My husband gets so stressed trying to figure out what I need and I can't just tell him.

Do you have any systems like this?

 

[Sideways]

I had a red flag system. Red flag lying on the bench means No, I’m not okay, please ignore me while I sort my shit out.

Was very helpful.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

I’ve used similar, it’s good. I have a ring of little laminated cards I got given, with needs and some emotions on them. Good for parts who can’t speak, and stressful things like travelling.

 

[Roland]

I’ve used similar, it’s good. I have a ring of little laminated cards I got given, with needs and some emotions on them. Good for parts who can’t speak, and stressful things like travelling.

Have you had to use them traveling? I don't travel much, but that's so embarrassing freaking out in front of people

 

[arfie]

when I get triggered. (I completely shut down and can't talk, quite literally).

my stutter emerges and i make more sounds than words. i shut down when i am able but i more often push myself to get words out and end up in a rage for my effort. i have thought about making a communications deck, but keeping up with things like a card deck is also a challenge in my triggered state. i more often use signs such as pointing and head nodding to communicate when my stutter emerges. that communication method is especially handy when exploring foreign ports where i don't speak the local language.

i use foreign language to therapute my stutter. translating what i need to say to other languages helps to free up my tongue and ease the stutter. in this therapy exercise i use index cards such as you describe with phrases in english on one side and the same phrase in the foreign language on the other. doodling on those decks is also an excellent calming exercise.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

Have you had to use them traveling? I don't travel much, but that's so embarrassing freaking out in front of people

I am prone to dissociating as opposed to breaking down, at least in “unsafe” situations (like being in public). But I’ve used them for general communication before when out, I think, mostly rely on typing on the phone when able to/necessary, though. For me it’s not a panic thing, but a general stress thing.
I am also unable to communicate properly when panicking, just happens less often, especially in favour of dissociation.

Used it the most after getting re-traumatised and completely stopped talking at all outside of the house.

 

[Roland]

Oddly, I can use sign language when I'm in freeze mode. I think I'm just gonna force my husband to learn sign language. He knows a little, but I had to use the cards and sign language last night and it was empowering and successful.