Heather
Diamond Member
Nicolette suggested I write down why I'm angry at my therapist and I think it's a good idea. I haven't seen him in a month because I'm so pissed at him.
So, here it goes: This has been building for awhile. I am not good at speaking up and telling him things when they occur (it's just hard for me). When I first started seeing him, he would tell me all the time how good I was doing. That it was myself and 2 of his other clients that were doing really well. Everyone else on his case load were in the dumper. Then, I ran into my brother-in-law who sexually assaulted me.... And all the ptsd symptoms resurfaced.
So, last summer I said to him remember when you said that I was doing good.... And he said, "well, it's all relative?" I remember sitting there thinking relative to what? What are you trying to say? So, was I not doing good then? After that I just stopped listening to anything he said. Anytime after that when he said I was doing good I didn't listen to him either because maybe that was all relative too. Why would he say that to me? What is he trying to do to me?! That really hurt me!
I called him because I was having horrible nightmares and not sleeping. We talked about it and I felt better and then HE suggested that I check with in with him the next day. I agreed. I called him and left a message for him to call me back. He finally called me back and apparently forgot that he was the one suggested that I check in with him because he was being a total jerk! He has a pretty dry sense of humor and we usually banter back and fourth but I was in no mood! He said that if he kept giving me really bad advice maybe I wouldn't call him so much i.e. telling me I should spend the day drunk etc.. I said, "you are hurting my feelings". Then I finally told him about the conversation from the previous day. I was so angry I almost hung up in his face. But the message that was received is: I get it, he doesn't want to hear from me.
One of the other things that he does that pisses me off is that he still continues to run his own agenda re: what I can and can't talk about. He has said to me we're not gonna talk about xyz anymore. And he's also said, "you know there are OTHER things to work on i.e. you have a narcissistic mother, future plans, etc. Then he turns around and say, "but you know you can talk about anything you want in hear right?" Gee, can I? A$$hole!
The last thing that I'm extremely upset about is what happened recently with my mom, the kidney stone and practicly having to beg her to take me to the hospital. That f**king b*tch wanted me to call an ambulance. What was I suppose to do with me daughter? How was I gonna get home? The last thing I want to do is sit in my therapists office while he makes excuses for her behavior yet again. She can't help it, is what he'll say. When I have every right to feel as angry and upset as I do but somehow my feelings don't seem to enter into the equation. He gave me a book to read so that I could see her as a person and not just a parent. She's not a human being, she's a defect.
The other thing that's made me stay away from seeing him is that we've been down this road once before. He doesn't take responsibility for his part. If I try to confront him he gets defensive and acts like a big damn baby and all his talk of not taking anything personally goes straight out the window.
I know I need to see him. Running away, avoiding is not the answer. This crap needs to be worked out. I have to find a way to work it out or else all my relationships will continue to end up the same way: me bailing.
Just want to say thank you to Nicolette for encouraging me to get it all out. It helped.
So, here it goes: This has been building for awhile. I am not good at speaking up and telling him things when they occur (it's just hard for me). When I first started seeing him, he would tell me all the time how good I was doing. That it was myself and 2 of his other clients that were doing really well. Everyone else on his case load were in the dumper. Then, I ran into my brother-in-law who sexually assaulted me.... And all the ptsd symptoms resurfaced.
So, last summer I said to him remember when you said that I was doing good.... And he said, "well, it's all relative?" I remember sitting there thinking relative to what? What are you trying to say? So, was I not doing good then? After that I just stopped listening to anything he said. Anytime after that when he said I was doing good I didn't listen to him either because maybe that was all relative too. Why would he say that to me? What is he trying to do to me?! That really hurt me!
I called him because I was having horrible nightmares and not sleeping. We talked about it and I felt better and then HE suggested that I check with in with him the next day. I agreed. I called him and left a message for him to call me back. He finally called me back and apparently forgot that he was the one suggested that I check in with him because he was being a total jerk! He has a pretty dry sense of humor and we usually banter back and fourth but I was in no mood! He said that if he kept giving me really bad advice maybe I wouldn't call him so much i.e. telling me I should spend the day drunk etc.. I said, "you are hurting my feelings". Then I finally told him about the conversation from the previous day. I was so angry I almost hung up in his face. But the message that was received is: I get it, he doesn't want to hear from me.
One of the other things that he does that pisses me off is that he still continues to run his own agenda re: what I can and can't talk about. He has said to me we're not gonna talk about xyz anymore. And he's also said, "you know there are OTHER things to work on i.e. you have a narcissistic mother, future plans, etc. Then he turns around and say, "but you know you can talk about anything you want in hear right?" Gee, can I? A$$hole!
The last thing that I'm extremely upset about is what happened recently with my mom, the kidney stone and practicly having to beg her to take me to the hospital. That f**king b*tch wanted me to call an ambulance. What was I suppose to do with me daughter? How was I gonna get home? The last thing I want to do is sit in my therapists office while he makes excuses for her behavior yet again. She can't help it, is what he'll say. When I have every right to feel as angry and upset as I do but somehow my feelings don't seem to enter into the equation. He gave me a book to read so that I could see her as a person and not just a parent. She's not a human being, she's a defect.
The other thing that's made me stay away from seeing him is that we've been down this road once before. He doesn't take responsibility for his part. If I try to confront him he gets defensive and acts like a big damn baby and all his talk of not taking anything personally goes straight out the window.
I know I need to see him. Running away, avoiding is not the answer. This crap needs to be worked out. I have to find a way to work it out or else all my relationships will continue to end up the same way: me bailing.
Just want to say thank you to Nicolette for encouraging me to get it all out. It helped.
