What Does Being __ Your Trauma__ Mean To You?

[Friday]

What does being a rape victim mean to you?
What does being an abused child mean to you?
What does being a warrior mean to you?
What does being a survivor of natural disaster mean to you?
What does being an MVA survivor mean to you?
What does being a battered spouse mean to you?
What does being ____your trauma___ mean to you?

My own stuff was bleeding out elsewhere, so I figured a better place for it? Here. If anyone wants to join in.

 

[Friday]

Conversely… what do you think OTHER PEOPLE think your trauma means… or what did you, before you lived it?

 

[osiris]

Eurgh.
I struggle with the concept of this and it comes up as a topic I periodically raise and then avoid with T.
Particularly the difference of rape victim and CA victim and what each means.

Society seems to say woman who are raped asked for it but CA elicits pity. I think I prefer the blame of the first.

Ack. I’ll come back to this after a think.

 

[Rose White]

Currently? It seems to me that it means I have symptoms of BPD for what it’s worth.

 

[HomelessJoe]

Like a heavy shadow leaning on me whenever I go. Can always feel the weight but can't let anyone else see the shadow got to keep their reality from being weighed down as well. Hard question to answer. A burden to carry, to remember and to forget at the same time.

Worst thing than a flash back is maintaining yourself so you don't freak people out around you. it's a burden we didn't ask for and information we wish we didn't have. Our responsibility to act normal in front of everyone. So they don't suffer from knowing what made your facial expressions. I've had people complain to me that I gave them nightmares from telling them to much

It is a responsibility to carry memories nobody wants as well as carry ourselves with them. I kinda like what I said the first time. A heavy shadow leaning on me. Blocking the sun would nice but it's not a nice shadow.

 

[Ecdysis]

Oh yeah, complicated relationship, trauma and the self...

I used to think that slipping in and out of the awareness of/ identification with the trauma was merely a symptom of PTSD... But these days I wonder, whether maybe it's the soul's wisdom, that yes, in part we are our trauma, but also, in part we are most definitely not. There will always be parts of the soul that are absolutely untouchable by trauma.

What society makes of trauma is a whole other complicated and weird kettle of fish. One thing I've never understood is why people who face and admit their trauma are considered to be "more traumatised" or weaker or mentally ill compared to those who deny their trauma or refuse to deal with it? Very weird f*cking narrative... And then there's also the deeply strange and disturbing narrative that those who cause trauma are somehow "stronger" or "better off" than those on the receiving end up trauma? Whoa, our society has some super screwed up notions about trauma and omg, it's hard not to get entangled in those narratives and end up repeating them to yourself internally.

What's coming up for you about this topic at the moment @Friday ?

 

[Movingforward10]

I try not to go down the rabbit hole of what society thinks of my trauma. Given that people vote in rapists and rape convictions in my country are at 1.7%.
That rabbit hole is not going to help me.

Being a survivor of rape and cocsa: nowadays, I carry this around in a very different way. I'm proud I became the person I am. Flawed obviously, but I try and be kind. I try and not be the type of people who hurt me. And I try and not to hurt others. That makes me proud.
I'm proud I turned my life around And chose a different path. No drugs for 21 years etc. I'm so grateful that my 19 year old self never got in the car for that first sex worker client, as if I had done that I don't think I would be here today.

I'm me because of and despite what happened to me.
And being me is alright.

I carry my trauma around with me every day. But it isn't weighing heavily. Or some days it's a little heavier than others. But it's there. It's there in a sort of 'careful' way. I'm careful with it. And show kindness to myself because of it.

If that makes any sense.

 

[Susan Jane]

What does being a rape victim mean to you?
What does being an abused child mean to you?
What does being a warrior mean to you?
What does being a survivor of natural disaster mean to you?
What does being an MVA survivor mean to you?
What does being a battered spouse mean to you?
What does being ____your trauma___ mean to you?

My own stuff was bleeding out elsewhere, so I figured a better place for it? Here. If anyone wants to join in.

I am not my trauma. Trauma is something I have, and deal with but it doesn’t define who I really am. Being a warrior is my special power, it helps me get through things, because I learned to survive at a young age. Being aware of all that has transpired has finally helped me to love myself and I am learning to take care of myself for the first time at 59… it feels good to be in this place. I sure hope it continues… but every time I go back to non functional I come out faster, more aware and more content in life.

 

[arfie]

i let each and every one of those personal definitions morph with healing progress, mood and context. nailing the definitions down for a spell often helps stabilize my condition, but i allow the definitions to evolve. many of my prior definitions are available in my therapy journal and it is often helpful to review them, but not today.

what do other people think of my psycho yaddah blahs? facebook. youtube, etc can provide those answers far better than i even care to. what other people think of me is none of my business.

 

[scout86]

What does it mean to me....... It's not what I am but there's no doubt it's part of what's made me who I am. I wonder sometimes what life would have been like if I'd ever learned to trust people like "normal" people do. What would it be like to have a relationship that isn't surrounded by a bunch of weird baggage I don't always understand........ Honestly, I don't think much about what it means to me, but it's an interesting question.

What does it mean to others? That I'm damaged goods. Pretty much full stop. I tell people, when it seems appropriate, but not often. I absolutely hate pity and I hate seeing them cringe and I don't like the fact (and I think it IS a fact) that it changes how they see me. I've not had much experience with the way it changes things being a good change.

 

[PlainJane]

Excellent question! I don't think I can answer it fully, it's an evolving thing, I think. Very dynamic.

It means incomplete, lack of identity or sense of self, isolation, understanding, loss of ignorance/innocence, shame and aborance. Rage, lots of rage. Its a shadow made of chain mail, following me everywhere, sometimes too heavy, sometimes unoticable. It means I have built the muscle to withstand or compensate for the weight but sometimes am too fatigued to carry it. It's weight that can never be lost, it's not fat but perhaps a permanatly attached prosthetic, a foreign limb that will never belong but always be there (the opposite of phantom pain). Grief at loss but can be a tool and a resource to still be able to get shit done and live life anyway because f*ck limitations.


I think some people see it and see strength, resilience, perhaps triumphant.
Others I feel see me as tainted, damaged and they pity me.


This may be far off of what you are thinking but it is what I thought of at introspection, you?

 

[Mach123]

It means I have to keep in mind that I’m a square peg. There’s nothing inherently wrong with being a square peg it’s just not meant to be pounded into a round hole . So I try and avoid the pounding. There’s a lot of pressure to fit which can cause stress . I have to find ways around things. It’s isolating but isolation works for me. So does finding someone to isolate with .