I Realize That I

[parrotthepolly]

I'm extremely ungrateful for stuff normal people would be and I don't give one damn!

 

[VioletButterfly]

I realize that I have been bestowed with many gifts to help me along this path that I've been winding along for so very long now and I am very grateful for that. So grateful.

 

[Tinyflame]

I realize that the majority of people can not comprehend the consequences of neglect. They cannot understand no Christmases, no family dinners- heck, no family;, no tolerance or desire for one's own birthday, no obits or funerals, no asking for help or it is shame-laden. Looked at my work schedule for tomorrow: 41 calls. Most people would say ridiculous. I know it is, but.. It's a poorly understood parallel universe which is like an invisible barrier. Kind of a void. But fwiw, I still would choose avoidance on my part too, when I have the option. It's painful to have to fake normal when others can't understand. Not won't., just can't. I kind of have given up trying to reach out to family too, and most everyone else. Which may or may not be wrong.

I guess I'm too tired to fake it today, sorry for a 'blah' post. But thankful I can be honest here, even if it's a non-important. I don't have the will to speak up much anymore anywhere, except for others and what their needs are like which is constant at work. My head's not a great place to isolate in lol.

 

[Tinyflame]

I was thinking about this, I think for some of us, myself anyway, it comes down to trust. Then I only have gratitude and love as my tools (and a lot of avoidance). Though presence counts if authentic. As well as a deep developed connection to God. Not that God necessarily feels that way in return, but that is my resource or go-to.

 

[captain jigglypuff]

I realize that I’m constantly trying to do whatever it takes to please everyone else mostly because that’s what I kept doing when it came to my abuser. Nothing I did was ever good enough for her and she’d always find something to nitpick about and use it against me. It was ridiculous what she continued to hold against me for decades. For example, when I was four, I innocently went up to a family friend and called her fat not knowing it was wrong. I was jus5 a little kid who had started talking less than a year and I didn’t even know how to tie my own shoes. The friend was embarrassed of course but she never held it against me most likely because she knew I was just a little kid who didn’t know what he was saying. But my abuser held it against for twenty years and would often remind me of how I was “bad” for saying it. She’s the only reason still remember that incident. I do feel bad now that I know it was rude but I also know that I was only four and there was no way I could have known at that age that I shouldn’t call people “fat.”

 

[Rose White]

I realize that I don’t need to identify as the victim to stay “good”.

I realize that I can bear the other’s desire not being identical to mine.

 

[Friday]

…have almost nothing in common with people I thought I knew & understood.

 

[VioletButterfly]

......despite all of the work I've done over the years, I still have an inner-perfectionist trying to run the show - even as a patient. Are you kidding me?! Really?! I'm trying to just breathe here for a minute and take it all in, to recover, to plan..... Give it a rest, sister, and re-read the book on radical self-acceptance and self compassion. For Pete's sake.

 

[In the weeds]

re-read the book on radical self-acceptance and self compassion

Is there a specific book you are referring to? I need a book like that.

 

[VioletButterfly]

@ In the weeds

I'd start with the following:

Tara Brach - Radical Acceptance and a 360 one-stop-shop for mindfulness. Look all around this website; so much to see and learn from. You can search teaching by category which is nice. Also, she has a podcast that I love. Her books on radical acceptance are worth the read. :)

Tara Brach - Meditation, Psychologist, Author, Teacher

Meditation, emotional healing, and spiritual awakening.

www.tarabrach.com

Kristen Neff - Self Compassion - Great info and practices at this website, also book/class info. Her practices are a good place to start with self compassion.

What is Self-Compassion?

As defined by Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion is comprised of three elements: mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness.

self-compassion.org

Best to you. VB

 

[In the weeds]

@VioletButterfly thank you so much. I really appreciate you taking the time to share that with me!

 

[VioletButterfly]

@VioletButterfly thank you so much. I really appreciate you taking the time to share that with me!

You're most welcome. I hope you find some/all helpful. :) VB