How can I turn this around?

[Odd Socks]

Location, UK. Veteran.
So, this has been building for a few months now.
I already live in chronic pain from old injuries but, with increasing insomnia, and night terrors, I manage to get 2-3 hours of sleep most nights.
Taking the poisons called Drugs. They all pretty much useless as I have build up a tolerance to everything that they keep on prescribing (without even seeing me).
I've repeatedly asked for local help from the doctors (with no returned calls or emails),
However, I did get one text early on. . . . . "Go to the hospital as we have limited experience with "STRESS".
Wow. Four words, incorrect diagnosis, and not even signed!
The Church? Someone said "this is Gods punishment for the life you led". Nice eh!
I have got to the stage where reaching 70 (Psalm 90 10-12), I've had enough!

I know things are getting worse, I'm losing the plot too many times a day,
I'm living Red Level hyper vigilance 24/7, and getting angry with anything and anyone about nothing.
My lovely wife is getting really upset and my more lucid thinking is, "Best I get out just in case I hurt her in a blind rage".
(And no, I haven't touched a hair on her loving head).
I found myself a few days ago planning to return to where I got broken, with one intention. Stop the pain.
Selfish bastard aren't I!
My lovely wife will be Ok financially, and she will have the dog for company.
As for anyone else? No family.

So my question is:- How can I turn this around?? Short of me pulling a spectacular to get someone to help me.
Thanks

 

[anthony]

What exercise do you do daily?

 

[Ecdysis]

I'm finding Ketamine treatment to be a real game-changer, where nothing else has helped.

 

[Odd Socks]

What exercise do you do daily?

In total a couple of miles a day max walking the dog. Bit difficult to do more on two walking sticks and crushed knees.
Not forgetting my very energetic, mischievous, friend to everyone, power packed, GSD (attached to me on a belt and long lead).

 

[Odd Socks]

I'm finding Ketamine treatment to be a real game-changer, where nothing else has helped.

Crazy K? The idiot doctors tried that (again) 6 months ago without reading my med notes.
It took four of them to hold me down as Ketamine is looney toons juice for me.

 

[parrotthepolly]

You might not believe me but it doesn't sound too bad since you still have your wife even if she can't completely understand your problems. It's comforting to have someone around...

I think I only had one person close to me and my own hyper vigilance crap means I don't tell answer basic questions like where I am. Think I'm about to get dropped if I make one more wrong move, afraid of replying to the conversation I may I started yesterday. Also I OD'd once and he somehow thinks it'll happen anytime even though I'm very careful now so yay to tolerance! Just joking.

I suggest not relying on anyone else cause most people look out for themselves first or they're payed to answer calls and stuff but work with so many people there's not much 'care' that goes into managing everything.

 

[anthony]

In total a couple of miles a day max walking the dog. Bit difficult to do more on two walking sticks and crushed knees.
Not forgetting my very energetic, mischievous, friend to everyone, power packed, GSD (attached to me on a belt and long lead).

Walking is just one thing. Do gym exercises, look into calisthenics on Youtube, other things like that, all just using your body. That will keep depression under control.

 

[Odd Socks]

Walking is just one thing. Do gym exercises, look into calisthenics on Youtube, other things like that, all just using your body. That will keep depression under control.

Hi Antony. With two destroyed knees (doctors refusing to operate), one arm that does nothing as most of the nerves were severed from frag, I tried swimming for a laugh. Total disaster. Loved target shooting until faces started to appear in my sights.
Digging the garden patch (4x4 meters) takes a week, and mowing the lawn is hysterical as the damn mower drags me around.
Add a failing heart (doctors refusing to operate), walking the dog works for me. Best therapy in the world is my dog.
Second only to a cuddle from my lovely wife which never fails to get the heart into a panic.

 

[Odd Socks]

You might not believe me but it doesn't sound too bad since you still have your wife even if she can't completely understand your problems. It's comforting to have someone around...

I think I only had one person close to me and my own hyper vigilance crap means I don't tell answer basic questions like where I am. Think I'm about to get dropped if I make one more wrong move, afraid of replying to the conversation I may I started yesterday. Also I OD'd once and he somehow thinks it'll happen anytime even though I'm very careful now so yay to tolerance! Just joking.

I suggest not relying on anyone else cause most people look out for themselves first or they're payed to answer calls and stuff but work with so many people there's not much 'care' that goes into managing everything.

Turns out I've got some very patient and caring friends who constantly nag me when I do too much. They care, that's nice, but my dog and lovely wife are my main support as the medics (or shrinks) won't do anything to improve my life.
So there are good things in my life but never in my dreams.

 

[anthony]

Hi Antony. With two destroyed knees (doctors refusing to operate), one arm that does nothing as most of the nerves were severed from frag, I tried swimming for a laugh. Total disaster. Loved target shooting until faces started to appear in my sights.
Digging the garden patch (4x4 meters) takes a week, and mowing the lawn is hysterical as the damn mower drags me around.
Add a failing heart (doctors refusing to operate), walking the dog works for me. Best therapy in the world is my dog.
Second only to a cuddle from my lovely wife which never fails to get the heart into a panic.

My point is: you have a reason for everything you can't do. What can you do?

There are people with no arms, no legs, they still exercise to keep their depression in check. You can focus on the "can't do" or you can find the "can do" in your life, which is only you helping you.