just posting I guess

[littleoc]

I socialized with my siblings and then went to my best friend's house to hang out and stop being too absorbed in the intense emotional destabilization. It's kind of embarrassing to say that was enough to help. I'm worried about going home alone again after that but hopefully some rest will help

So so sorry for being so intense, but thank you for being patient while I got it out

 

[littleoc]

Great news:

It starts with bad news. Bare with me. I have lost my mom, then my old lady Kiki, then my service dog Nestle. The animals all of old age, and then last week, Kiki's oldest brother Xavie began to pass away of old age. It was a little more sudden and therefore I unfortunately needed to stay awake for two days straight to get him to the kitty ER (with money I don't and didn't have)

I can't take my meds if I am not going to bed (long story short), so I had to stop them. On top of that, I realized I had actually run out, but couldn't get ahold of my psychiatrist in time to re-fill at the same time. So, by the time I got a bridge refill to hold me over to my next appointment, I already couldn't take the meds again.

After the antidepressants wore off, I suddenly felt a lot better. Everything is less devastating and I am doing great.

Thanks for listening in the meantime, and rip my old babies as well as my mom. I'm just angry the psychiatrist and other people didn't believe me for so long for long enough that I doubted myself when I thought numerous times that I needed to stop the medications, but other than that. At least I'm not incapable of joy :)

edit to add: i am having withdrawal symptoms that are not fun, but honestly the idea of getting back on the med in order to taper sounds awful. even if my brain gets even more brain damage from the withdrawals, it might be worth it :P

 

[Rose White]

Sorry about Xavie but also happy you are noticing joy again—sending a hug

 

[Muttly]

So so sorry for being so intense, but thank you for being patient while I got it out

That's what this place is for and so many of us have felt similar. I get the need to apologize.

I have had that pattern of posting, then hating it for being dramatic and feeling the need to apologize. It's a hard place to be in, because nothing seems right to do.

 

[corgi_SDiT]

life is tough but we can all get through it