What Does Your Inner Child Need Right Now?

[Powder]

My stuck age is between 7 and 9 I think... My T doesn't think I am stable enough. And yet I so feel my child and my adult in need of love and acceptance. My child craves being held...is that weird? ... Am I making any sense at all?

Well, to me, this seems very normal and very familiar. If you are like me, you were not held enough as a kid along with the lack of safety. I know when a movie or TV show makes a loud sound, my toddler comes to me, and I hold her and she feels safe, even if the noise goes for a minute more. I tell her she is safe and okay.
That is what we need, to know that somehow, even during the trauma, we were held by 'something big and protective' that not only kept us alive, but holds our soul, knows and loves our soul, and will be there for us when we do die.
I think this is a basic need on some level, though it could be seen far differently or in different words.
For me, this need is unchanging, age 1, 7, 9, and 30's: I still have this need. When I don't feel held by this unseen force, my PTSD can be my dominant characteristic.

The sheer fact that you are feeling this notion often and it's compelling to you tells me that the need is presenting itself to your awareness. I am not qualified to know if you are ready, or myself, to tap into all of our trauma. You should probably share some of this notion with the T. though at some point soon.

I think the child may be trying to get your attention to point you to something good that is already within you, your strengths and wonderful aspects that you just might not be fully aware of yet. ;) I think this is a good thing.

 

[Powder]

xzJunebug and Abstract,
I am so sad that this thread brings up such turmoil for you. You don't deserve that treatment, then or now. Your inner child deserves to find healing and as much happiness as possible. The imagination is the best tool for the inner child. Sometimes the inner child goes underground or hides behind a mask.

The French film Amelie is so powerful am image of inner child for me. The film is about the child's perspective and how it feeds into Amelie's adult perspective. Her imagination does not falter as she grows. It remains her strength, and threatens to alienate her, but you can see the film if you haven't already and judge for yourself if it helps or hurts her.

What brings this idea up is that the inner child is neutral, it can be a positive or negative in life and we can steer the direction.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you Muse, for you 'kindness' and softness.
I really liked your post to PH, too. (I wish I could put 'like + +' )
xox, ((((Muse))))

 

[Powder]

I'd like to share something my therapist shared with me about feelings that are hidden away for this post because it connects to the hidden inner child also. I don't know if that is appropriate here. It's a short paragraph she has typed up for people as part of the resources. Would you mind if I shared it soon?

Emotional Richness:
Emotions are not in themselves good or bad, normal or abnormal, right or wrong. It's the way we interpret them, legislate about them, control or abuse them that puts them into various categories. Perhaps there aren't actually any quantitative differences among the various emotions. Anger may become a "strong" emotion simply because it's so often suppressed or repressed, in much the same way that caging an animal often makes it more aggressive. Also, hidden feelings frequently loom large, stronger, more powerful than easily expressed feelings simply because they are made "special" by being hidden.

The above was given me by my T. I don't know if she typed it herself or is quoting someone else. But the "special"ness of hidden feelings part speaks to the hidden inner child as well. She also says that "if you don't get to the pain, it's difficult to get to the healing." Her concern is that many counselors treat surface stuff and don't challenge the patient to locate the pain or the root of the problem, and learn to heal that.

The inner child is not the root of the problem, nor the pain, but the inner child may be abe to assist you in that s/he may offer clues and insights about the truth and the nature of the problem.

 

[Tinyflame]

Does the 'inner child' ~'feel' childlike and -how can I say this- like ptsd isn't present?

I can only say I feel it's kind of 'weird' when I have that ~childlike feeling, but I don't really 'mind' in so far as I can't seem to 'not' to but also I only have it when I'm relaxed (or because of it I feel that way), and there are mostly no 'ptsd negatives'- there's happiness, peace, no hypervigilance, no depression, -nothing really negative. Even fear is ~different. And it feels more like 'me'- 'me' without ptsd.

 

[cat]

Quite simply a huge hug & some restful sleep.

 

[spursfan80]

My inner child needs a hug, to be told she is loved and that she is not alone in the world.

 

[KP the nut]

Quite simply a huge hug & some restful sleep.

My inner child needs a hug, to be told she is loved and that she is not alone in the world.

(((((HUGE HUGS)))) to you both, and I'll join in as well. Hugs from colleagues at work yesterday felt so good. Hugs help.

 

[spursfan80]

Thanks KP! (((((hugs))))) to you to! Hugs help a lot and are so simple!

 

[Srain]

Good question. Most of my life I've thought to just keep her locked away in a tiny room because she was such a cry baby and I didn't know what to do to help her. Whenever I let her out people stomped her and she just made me frustrated because I couldn't console her. My older brother use to tell I needed to toughen up, well I couldn't toughen her up so I just locked her up and came out swinging, punching, yelling, and taking off.

I took care of her but she would sneak out and every time she did she would be flattened by horrible experiences. I would try to console her but really I had no idea how to do that. When my younger brother had our first girl in the family since me, Lord, she looked just like me. I ran ran ran. I could barely look at the pictures. He was so proud of her and loved her so much! I could not meet her until she was long past the age I had been of molestation. Coward!!

When she had taken on her mother's cool calm assurance of herself and was her own beautiful kind but strong self, then and only since then have I begun to look at my inner child and thought I most surely must be able to take this battered child and show her more kindness and care. I must somewhere inside have the love I've been able to show my sons, nephews, nieces, and friends. So much easier to fight for her than to address myself personally and be kind. I have been trying though. I have given myself 'gentle days', given myself permission to not react to others opinions of me and do things I want to do that are good for me.

My Inner Child needs me to be kind to her and LOOK at her, not always fight for her. :)

Rain

 

[KP the nut]

I am embracing my inner child, through EMDR she is an alter ego. Calming and reassuring. She helped me to understand my accident, she helped me to survive, she helped me out of the wreckage, she is giving me the strength to accept. And she sent warmth through my body during EMDR yesterday.
She is teaching me to love myself, although that is an uphill job.

 

[AngelaMarie]

My inner child wants me to tell her it wasn't her fault that her parents abandoned her and didn't want her. She wants me to tell her she is loveable and a beautiful person. She wants love and acceptance even when she makes mistakes. She wants to know that she has a right to be happy. She wants to know she can make mistakes and everybody will not walk out on her. She just wants to have a life with love.