Some Days It Feels Like I Am In Quick Sand

[LilacFaerie]

Hi, my name is Cheryl and I'm the spouse of an Afghanistan veteran - he's been home from a year-long deployment since February of this year. I must admit, I thought most of his "adjusting" to being back home and to civilian life would be pretty much well on its way by now, but instead, I am only just now seeing that this will be an ongoing fight. Some days I feel like I'm in quicksand, but mostly I just feel as if I'm on the outside looking in.

My husband has always been a strong person, but this has unexpectedly set him back years. His faith is suffering, I'm suffering, and he's suffering most of all and wants "normal" back. It depresses him to know he will never get things back the way they were and that there is a NEW normal he must get used to.

Just feeling a bit alone - none of my friends truly understand.

So here I am.

 

[IvyMillie]

I'm so glad you found this site. I'm new too. This site has really helped me so much, and I know it will help you too. I feel bad that it has shook his faith, but sometimes trauma can do that. It may take time to regain it.

You sound like you and he are realizing that things will never be the same, that is so true. It's a sad thing really. I had to process that although my situation is a little different.

Welcome and hope to hear from you more.

 

[LilacFaerie]

Thank you so much. I hope to gain a lot of insight here; practical things I can do to help us both cope.

<No need to quote post directly above your reply, Amethist>

 

[PTSD sufferer]

My husband has always been a strong person, but this has unexpectedly set him back years. His faith is suffering, I'm suffering, and he's suffering most of all and wants "normal" back. It depresses him to know he will never get things back the way they were and that there is a NEW normal he must get used to.

Just feeling a bit alone - none of my friends truly understand.

Hi Cheryl,

Welcome to the forum. You will find lots of information and wisdom from both careers and suffers here. It is a great resource and a place where you will find plenty of people just like you and your husband. You are not alone - we are here for both of you.

I was diagnosed with PTSD over a year and a half ago, and I can tell you from my experience things will get better for your husband, particularly with the help of therapy. And, for your own sanity, you need to understand that your husband is reacting to the trauma and that will effect his mood and behaviors. It is not a reflection on you. However, what you can do is to understand (though this forum and good communication with your husband) things you can do to help both you and he cope better with the symptoms.

I'd like to point out that being diagnosed with PTSD is not a reflection on someones 'strength'. This is not how trauma works - trauma is traumatic and it is our emotional response to that event, or series of events (as in my case) that the mind reacts to. Any sane person faced with a traumatic event will be affected by that event. You just need to look at the number of members on this forum and read their experiences to understand that we are all the same despite any differences in the type of trauma we experienced. We are many!

I have always been a strong person and I still am - PTSD has not changed that nor will it change that in your husband. Even when things seem at their lowest, he is still that strong person. If 'strength' is one of his negative core beliefs he will learn to challenge this belief by recalling all the times when he was strong (CBT). I bet there are many!

We all want our life back to what it was prior to PTSD but we eventually learn to cope and find an even greater understanding of ourselves in the process. There are plenty of people in this forum who have been in remission for years and I have been told numerous stories from my therapist to support this. I am 100% better than I was when this started. There is hope!

Love to you both, xxoo

 

[LilacFaerie]

I can tell you from my experience things will get better for your husband, particularly with the help of therapy.

I have always been a strong person and I still am - PTSD has not changed that nor will it change that in your husband. Even when things seem at their lowest, he is still that strong person.There is hope!

Love to you both, xxoo

Thank you.....my husband is getting therapy and meds monitored by a pysch and this is very hard for him to swallow because he was not ever one to "believe in" therapy and he's always hated taking pills. Even Tylenol. So it's very demoralizing for him. ....But it's good to hear that his "strength" has nothing to do with his reaction to trauma.

Actually, I guess the stronger man won out - he was a new Christian (of about a year) when he deployed, and the "old man" ended up coming out while he was over there. He's neither proud of it or wants it this way, it's something that just happened in response to what he was confronted with.

We have weekly Bible studies with a chaplain he knows through the Guard, so this is being addressed.

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum Cheryl. Having faith in something is so important when facing PTSD, be it the sufferer just as much for the supporter ... There is a special section for supporters and there are also many army spouses who are members. I'm sure you will have many things to say and share to one another. If your husband is interested, there is a special section for combat PTSDers : [DLMURL]http://combat.ptsdforum.org/[/DLMURL]

 

[LilacFaerie]

Thank you, Froggie. I appreciate it so much!!

<It is not necessary to quote post directly above your reply. Thanks Amethist>

 

[Tinyflame]

Thanks PTSD sufferer- all such kind words.
xox

 

[Army_Brat_88]

Cheryl -

Thank you for your contribution to our country as a military wife!

Keep going with the Biblical studies. :tup: I truly believe that the Good Lord will work on him and heal him if his heart is open to it. That's all He needs - a soft heart :)

If your husband is willing, there is the sister combat.ptsdforum.org site. He will find vets on that site he might be able to connect with, while you have us here to "talk" to. My Sgt.ex-bf came home in Feb too, but he's isolated himself from me since, so I can't even be around him for support - I envy those who can be around their others physically. There are a bunch of military gfs/wives on here, so post whenever you're having a bad day. You'll get support.

AB