Analogy: My Ptsd Feels Like...

[soulofLC]

Please, no one take offense and I promise I am not one to push any kind of religion on anyone; but it is God Who is working in my life, along with this tribe who speaks the same language. I feel like you all have left the light shining in the window for me to stumble upon. Thank you.

That is a heartwarming story, TeddySue. I am glad you have found more support and love. Thank you for sharing.

That encourages me to try to go back to church. I have been thinking about it; I am not sure where I fit in anymore! Protestant, Catholic, Buddist, Hindu!

I do believe in a force larger than ourselves; I guess that's all I need to get started!:confused:

 

[soulofLC]

There is a wee bird on my bedroom windowsill. He is soaked, hanging onto the sill for dear life.

I kinda feel like that poor little bird today. Soaking wet, hanging on for the rain to stop. How long do I have to hang on????

He is so desperate, he even let me take pictures of him. I feel that desperate too. Just take some pictures so you can remember the horror! They are already downloaded and emblazoned in my mind.

 

[soulofLC]

At the risk of having too many analogies going here, I also feel like my grandaughter's cat, waiting to see if they decide to take me to the vet or put me to sleep. :notworthy:

 

[Spiderallis]

Like every experience has handed me a small blob of black goo, I keep putting them all into a barrel and now I've got a full barrel and no idea where to properly dispose of it. I drag this barrel of goo around with me, not wanting to pass it off in small wads to others... that's not where it should go, but I don't know where to put it.

Sometimes my head gets stuck in that black goo, all I can hear are echoes. Some days I think I might drown in the barrel, others it might crush me flat. I keep dragging it along, can't put it down, someone else might fall in.

 

[AABMT]

A roller coaster ride that makes me feel like I want to throw up..

 

[HëllaBubz]

Like I'm in a glass box surrounded by fog, I can see out a little, but every time I get close to the edge, the fog moves again, and I'm back in the center.

Like I'm a translator, and having to learn a new language and culture every day.

I can hold my dreams tangibly in my arms, but as soon as I focus and tighten my grip a little, it vanishes back into the fog.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Like my mind is in the Gremlins movie.

Just when I have Gizmo, my mind, all calm and lovely and I think I can manage him and follow the rules then, somehow, he gets splashed with water or someone feeds him after midnight. Then all these mad, wild, creatures start popping out and they take over my mind and they reak havoc on everything causing complete and utter chaos.

 

[TeddySue]

At the risk of having too many analogies going here, I also feel like my grandaughter's cat, waiting to see if they decide to take me to the vet or put me to sleep. :notworthy:

I am such an animal lover and can never, ever stand to see abuse or neglect (my kids are the same way). We are extreme with our compassion for animals. I believe it may be due to the fact that animals are so accepting of us; they give so much.

The Bible says that God knows all the sparrows and cares each time one falls; and that's the reason I am drawn to God. He didn't do this (PTSD) to me, sinful people did, so I cling to my faith in order to survive.

 

[TeddySue]

Like I'm in a glass box surrounded by fog, I can see out a little, but every time I get close to the edge, the fog moves again, and I'm back in the center.

When the evil was going on in my house and I was engulfed with that exact same black fog, I was too helpless to even see past the darkness. I did not bring in the dark evil, sin did; sin in the form of a so-called husband who sold his soul to the devil. And when he was gone (I'm the one who turned him in!) the light shone through and the dark clouds disappeared, and I was left to survive the fallout over what he had done.

I've broken that trauma bond with the evil man who was supposed to love and cherish me, but instead tried to take my soul down with him. And when people finally realized that I was just as fooled as they were, things turned around. I am surviving! My kids are surviving! 6 years to get to this point.

Just imagine, waking up one morning and finding everything you thought was real was not, and everything you had was gone. The shock and trauma and PTSD with depression took over my entire life and I began a slow process of killing myself. Diabetes is not something to play with, IT means business; and if you/I don't care, neither does the diabetes. On this side of the evil blackness, that I could cut with a knife, is hope. I am so thankful to have gotten this far.

 

[Chincho]

My PTSD feels like a box, inside a box, inside a box, endlessly. I know I'll be okay if I can get to the smallest box inside, but I also know I'll never get to it.

 

[Lucycat]

Today my PTSD feels like it has gone:)

Sadly I am pretty sure it has only gone walkabout and will come back when I stop looking for it:whistling:

 

[Queen Boudica]

Like I have gone for a swim in the ocean on a calm day. The sun is shining the sea is calm, I swim further and further away from the shore and I am at peace, I have escaped all the horror on the land, I am at peace in the calm blue waters.

A small cloud appears and the sea starts to get just a little choppy but I am fine. Then more dark clouds appear and the waves start to grow, I start to get worried and head back for the shore.The clouds turn black, the rain starts to fall and the waves are pounding on me over and over. I am trying to swim back to safety and calm but the waves are now so huge they are engulfing me and I am swallowing water. I keep swimming, I am panicking, I keep desperately trying to get back to the calm of the shore but those waves just keep beating me down, one after another, after another.

I am getting tired; very tired. I try with all my strength to swim, but I am too weak, the waves are so strong, I am cold and exhausted and weak and I have swallowed so much water. I try to signal to the shore that I am dying, but no-one is watching, I am sinking into the sea, drowning, no strength left to fight. The waves are too strong. I just want to be at peace now by sinking to the bottom of the ocean and dying.