Any Practical Suggestions? Work, Exhaustion, Spontaneous Si, At The End Of My Rope

[Springer80]

Hi JB,

Just wondered how you are? Been a bit head shredded so not doing thoughtful replies of late. I wanted to put up some marsupials for you but the other day I wondered if your picture was actually a horse? :eek: It's quite possible I got it wrong, I thought a portrait of P-no was a mushroom? :confused::laugh: Also, I'm a bit wary of getting threads shut down since the copyright/picture embargo.

Huggy Kangaroos Anyway !!!!! :)

 

[Tinyflame]

(((((Sweet Sp80)))), yes miss those marsupials! Though wow, just how big ARE their feet??? :laugh: It's ok, I know everyone has everything going on, and I myself should :speechless:. Oh Springer, btw, far as mushrooms go, there is someone at work, says "They treat me like a mushroom- keep me in the dark and feed me b*ll sh*t!" :roflmao: But oh ya- mine's a deer (horse is close :) ), and p-no, I am hoping we can convince her to choose an avatar with a younger woman journeying. She is too beautiful for that one. ;) :)

All I know is, I might be wrong as regards myself, but there seems nothing lacking with the people here- very beautiful and precious. And each unique. :inlove: Just this damn ptsd makes the impossibly difficult times even more difficult. :( No one would believe it, without ptsd. I think to get through is really something, really.

I am really lucky, on my own this week-end. Exhausted, but trying to achieve and keep a little peace.

(((((Hugs! :hug: ))))

 

[Springer80]

(((((Sweet Sp80)))), yes miss those marsupials! But oh ya- mine's a deer (horse is close :) ),

and p-no, I am hoping we can convince her to choose an avatar with a younger woman journeying. She is too beautiful for that one. ;) :)

All I know is, I might be wrong as regards myself, but there seems nothing lacking with the people here- very beautiful and precious. And each unique. :inlove:

I am really lucky, on my own this week-end. Exhausted, but trying to achieve and keep a little peace.

Bug*er it! I think my brain just see's what it wants. You sure it isn't a Kangaroo, i've got quite attached to all the kissy pictures I found. Deers on trampolines aren't as funny but if your fixed on it, I suppose I can accept it too.

Anyway, I agree about P-no's avatar but I'm sure she'll update it when the 'weather changes' so to speak. We can keep watch!Lighthouse police ;)

I like what you said about 'nothing lacking' and beautiful precious' people on here. You know when I said about being uniquely broken, well that's what you just said. It's like what the ancients believed oracle's were, survivors of hardship whose perception is wiser .And I trust you included yourself it that statement too Skippy :p .

Glad to hear you have some 'you time' for the weekend. Spend it well X

 

[Tinyflame]

Hee, we'll MAKE it a kangaroo then. :)

Well, I'll go so far as to say I'm 'different', that's for sure, lol. :wacky:

((((((Dear Sweet Sp80)))), thank you. :inlove:

And I hope for TLC this weekend for you too, xox. ((((((( :hug: ))))))

 

[Tinyflame]

I guess, in all seriousness for a moment, the bad things that made for the ptsd, are over. Of course, they're never really over- the horrors feel somewhere over my shoulder. But in truth- in reality- they are over. But I think it changes perspective- reasons for living, ways of thinking, how it feels, life and death, defining what matters, trying to have the strength or means to get through it, immeasurably.

 

[intothelight]

(((Junebug)))

All that you have said is true, and so many times we define ourselves by all of the negatives we have heard said over the years. Wish I knew how to flip a switch so we could define ourselves by all of the positives.

But PTSD does change our perspective, and somehow we have to learn to dig past it and see truth. Not easy when at times the truth is covered by darkness.

:hug:

Deb

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Deb, yes. I hear others' stories and so wish I could put myself in the place of those they fear the reaction of (guilt) or those who have abused them, so that they could see the negatives they believe or fear are so unfounded. :cry: That's why I try not to add to others' guilt.

I can only think, it's not a question of how people get ptsd, but how it could be that anyone under these circumstances wouldn't. It's too much a personal wound, whether it be direct or because of caring (also) for others, or both.

Me personally I am afraid the losses have been just too much, in the way of swiss cheese with just too many holes. Not sure how I will ever get around that. :(

I do think I ('we') have different concerns earlier than some people have, that perhaps that is what contributed to never feeling at home entirely in the world, or quite fitting in. In truth I didn't really.

Thank you so much for your kindness, ((((((Sweet Deb))))). :hug: It seems so unimportant for me to write this stuff.

I read of people who's body and mind are reacting like mine, and they say they're in rough shape. I can't do what they recommend for that though. At some times I wish I could, because the writing seems on the wall. However, I guess I'll keep trying to get myself together, though so far it's by millimeter, not steps.

On a different note, I'm contemplating taking a gamble and going casual if I can specify days, vs this night shift. It may require being on call every day though, for absolutely anywhere they send me. My bigger worry is I don't want to give up the guarantee for what hours I do have. Though these stupid nights are killing me, I don't know why when I'm used to 21 hour days. But my body now says "no". :(

I wish worries had solutions! :sorry: :(

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Junebug )))) Hang in there and do not give up. You can do this. You have alot of innerstrength. Big hugs.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear gizmo, thank you. I hope so. :sorry::unsure:

((((((Big Hugs))))) for you as well, xox.

 

[Tinyflame]

To some degree, I wish I had one of those Safety Plans in place. But it never seems quite right to ask anyone or bridge that topic. Though I guess it's better than last moment. But still, never seems a right time. I myself don't have the desire, nerve or energy to ask, why especially when it's not an imminent crisis, and I know for myself I'm going to do everything I can not to.

Somewhere I wish I could start my life in some ways on a clean slate. :(

At least, however, today I had some thoughts come to me about all of this that may help in the longer run. I know, too, from a different perspective today, S per se is (for me) the 'wrong' choice to make, I have a better understanding of why. I also had quite a shocking- but positive- revelation come to mind today, I think it will help but it will help most if it can sink into my heart. Though I believe it is a truism.

I am not sure if I should be trying to devote my energy to finding a way around this stuff and accepting it, or conversely devoting my energy to trying to get out of it/ change it. Both options seem pretty impossible but that doesn't mean I won't try. I just have to know what route I should be trying for, that's hard to determine. Facts, (lack of) energy and ability taken into consideration. :(

I heard some pretty shocking family news on thursday too.

I wish I had someone to talk to that knew the ins-and-outs of this kind of stuff. Is it better to accept suffering by changing my attitude- does that even have a (hidden) value? Or .. 'what', I'm really not sure?

If I could quit smoking, it makes up for the lost wages, without additional work days added. Nights remain the same, but things *may* change which I could apply for internally. Mind you, not likely, that's unfounded hope.

 

[Tinyflame]

I guess it's fortunate I still have a sister, though our relationship isn't what it used to be. Or I would throw in the towel. Though she says don't let it stop (me). Seems only solution out there. Sometimes wonder if that's so much better, leave no one behind anyway.

 

[Springer80]

Hi JB (My Deer)


Seems like you've got a tussle on your hands? This seemed quite positive....

I know for myself I'm going to do everything I can not to.

I was wondering what your understanding was too? You seemed to sound a little alleviated by having reached that.

I had some thoughts come to me about all of this that may help in the longer run. I know, too, from a different perspective today, S per se is (for me) the 'wrong' choice to make, I have a better understanding of why. I also had quite a shocking- but positive- revelation come to mind today, I think it will help but it will help most if it can sink into my heart. Though I believe it is a truism.

Is it better to accept suffering by changing my attitude- does that even have a (hidden) value? Or .. 'what', I'm really not sure?

As for suffering I'm coming to the conclusion it's how you wear it? Ultimately it won't go away because nothings perfect and the suffering that went before has already happened and can't be altered.

If I could quit smoking,

Have you heard of a drug called Champix? t helped me break the craving for a couple of weeks then I was away. I had a good long look at my addiction history and what I was feeling when I started.

((((((((((JB :hug:))))))))))))