Reduced Emotional Range. Is That Normal?

[Girl3]

I have often described my emotions as muted, never elated nor furious. The only emotion I ever feel fully is sadness; deep deep sadness. I don't live in a sad state, but I can feel it, unlike the rest of the emotions.-Diana

You describe much of what I have felt my entire life. No real happiness, just a weighty sadness. There have been times I have felt rage/fear as I came closer to my crisis that tore me asunder. But it seems safer to feel nothing over the course of my life. Because to have felt it all as I went along would probably have killed me.

And when I do feel what I sometimes think is happiness, I often cry like there will be no end to it. Stuff like looking at my daughter when she's asleep, or seeing a parade and fireworks. It's overwhelming. And then I worry that someone will notice which makes me feel stupid.

But then I realize: I am making up for at least 50 years of not being in touch with my feelings. When it hits even a little at a time - it's a lot.

 

[therapybankrupt]

But then I realize: I am making up for at least 50 years of not being in touch with my feelings. When it hits even a little at a time - it's a lot.

Girl 3 I really can understand your situation. You give me hope!

TB

 

[Violet03]

I completely understand. I basically lived numb my whole life but if I did feel an emotion it was intense sadness. It has only been very recently with therapy I have felt the other emotions. I'm not sure yet how to handle them. They are still overwhelming.

I guess for me the numb feeling was safest. The intense sadness engulfs me and makes it hard to function. I am more comfortable with numb.

 

[KatKaos]

I've felt annoyed by stuff but very rarely angry, not even at the people who have harmed me - I've just felt a very intense sadness, and the sadness stays with me, or alternatively I've felt numb and devoid of emotion. I'm a good actress and respond where I'm supposed to, and act like everything's fine when it's not except my daughter can see right through it because she's awesome. The deepest feeling I have is the intense sadness which sometimes overwhelms me to the extent where I feel like I'm going mad and I need to shut myself off from the world to recharge. Funnily enough when I've been emotionally numb I've found it easier to cope.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Yes I am lacking my healthy anger too. I was never allowed to be angry although there was alot of acting it out. I need my anger to get angry at people who run roughshod over me. I too feel such a sadness and missing them. How sick is that? I have to wonder why I am the way I am. This is a great thread.

 

[71nothing]

I don't feel much emotion either and when I do I have no physical expression of it. I'm convinced that I am completely unable to cry. I only felt nothing/numbness for a long time until I started therapy. That's when the anxiety and depression started. When I have flashbacks and talk about them during therapy I am unable to identify how I felt during that time. All emotion is detached from it. It's getting slightly easier to identify how I feel about the abuse now, looking back on it.

 

[Shellbell]

"who do you have that has unconditional love for you" -- inquiring into my support system. I froze (later learning about dissociation, etc.). I couldn't come up with a single name. Like you said, I've expected the worse in people. Even people who have only had my best interests in mind, I've built up theories that they must be acting in their own self-interest. I've had an emotional barrier up dating as far back as I can remember

This is exactly how I am. I don't trust anyone except one friend to have genuine reasons to be caring about me. I always have a theory as to why they bother with me and it's always in their self interests and not about me.

My emotional barriers are really high and really thick. I think it comes with the territory of having abusive parents and multiple trauma from multiple people who all claimed to care and then abused me severely from birth for 3 decades.

It's easier and more familiar for me to deal with people hurting me, than people caring. Caring confuses me, abuse I get - as I've had so much. I know how to deal with that and alone.

I'm emotionally numb, in robot mode and disconnected from those around me a lot now.

 

[Anna]

I have also experienced this. I am completly numb, then I have periods of intense sadness during the day. I normally go somewhere to get it out. Then the numbness takes over again.

I feel similar to Shellbell.

Also if something bad happens, I no longer feel anything about it, I just try to deal with the situation, kind of it is what it is, accept, clear it up, make the best. It is like I am on autopilot.

Even now, recently in the past year, if someone tries to provoke me maybe I get angry but I control it and I just don't care. I will shout who f*cking cares? It is like I just feel nothing but this eternal emptiness.

 

[ms spock]

I have reduced emotional range. I have a lot of frozeness, dissociation and a profound sense of sadness/grief.

 

[JustBe]

Me too. Numb. Not even sadness anymore. For the longest time I couldn't stop feeling intense sadness and hopelessness. I couldn't get through the day without crying...now, nothing. I almost miss feeling sad. I wish I could have a good cry, maybe then I'd feel.

I can fake appropriate emotions for short periods of time, but it wears me out. My dogs and cat don't care though. They don't expect anything but Love and kindness (and a warm lap to snuggle on).

I do NOT miss feeling angry. That is one emotion I'm glad is gone!

 

[Marie10]

I understand. I'm never extremely happy but know sadness very well.
The one thing I try to do is make sure I'm safe and feel safe.
I have only let my anger out once and had horrible consequences. I find it difficult to find a medium where I can stand up for myself since I usually just take it all in.
I'm working with a therapist on all this.

 

[aka]

I am usually pretty numb to emotion but when I do feel some it is usually anxiety and or deep sadness. So yeah I have an limit emotion range. Emotions such as happiness, being content, or joy are rare and don't stay around for very long. Lately I have been having episodes of anger causing me to become very frustrated with everyone in my family. I don't mean to take it out on them but there just there and I feel safe enough to express such feelings. Considering that I thought most of my life that feeling anger toward someone made me a bad person it's not surprising that I have repressed anger to work though.