Awkward?

[Hashi]

I would suggest that it's not only about you being yourself. I think it might also be about letting other people be themselves.

It doesn't sound like you have a very high opinion of the people you want to interact with, and you're talking about your motivation in terms of getting ahead in life and career. It's possible that both those things might be coming across. Maybe not even on a conscious level, but I think people can sense something of your feelings towards them.

I'm not sure if you're talking about professional contacts, in which case the environment may not be too friendly to begin with. However, in any situation most people like to feel that the person they're talking to is interested in them, and respects them.

A good way to talk to someone is to ask them questions about themselves/their work, listen to the answers and show that you've listened by responding to what they say. Also, asking for their opinion - even a small thing, like what they recommend from the buffet or the best place to park nearby. If you're going to meet them again, it's good to remember things that they've told you so you can refer to it next time (keep notes if you have to). If you really have no interest in them, it's going to be hard to do any of this, and hard to seem genuine.

Maybe you could approach a social situation without focussing on the impression you're creating, or the differences between you and other people, and instead give yourself a goal of finding out about at least one of the other people there. After all, they're people who someone likes, and quite possibly someone loves them. They might actually be worth talking to. I think it would take a lot of pressure off you, to focus on them (in a positive way).

 

[Spiderallis]

In a professional setting, sometimes that difference is an asset. It depends on the industry and particular company, but sometimes they're seeking that unusual perspective. It's only weird if it doesn't work. When it's successful, it's innovative.

As far social settings, I've got nothing. I've always tended towards the subcultural groups, the only thing that appears strange in those settings is being too-average.

 

[WhiteLady]

Everyone, thank you so much. My field of study and career is medicine. I fear it requires the utmost in professionalism.

 

[NarcSis]

Step into the "role" of how you want to come across, practice it as an actor would, consider it method acting.

Eventually with time participating in the 'mindless' chatter of the group will become second nature, not only that, the maleability of your social role will allow you far more connections than just trying to fit into a single clique.

When I started out as a medic I was book smart but socially withdrawn, so I stepped into the role, after some practice I was chatting up a storm with just about everyone.

Awkward at first, way easier with practice.

 

[WhiteLady]

Medic72,

Thank you for your advice. I take it to heart. What area of medicine do you work in? What practice did you begin with? Little words, such as weather, family, work, etc.?
Thank you again.

 

[NarcSis]

I was a specialist of nothing with a general knowledge of everything - I used to be a paramedic.

In that role I had to be able to relate and reason on an equal level with all social classes and believe me, the ease at which I could transition from speaking Dr Speak to Street Speak always made me proud. I could flow with the Docs as easily as I could with the middle and lower classes.

My goal was communicating effectively rather than being "socially acceptable".
All you need is to relax, observe, mirror and practice, practice, practice.
:)

 

[Abstract]

I too am able to speak to anyone (unless I am having a zero voice episode or gobbledygook phase:rolleyes: ) and I started off being totally socially inept and had bad social phobia.

I changed it by practising and practising as Medic said. And I do think it is not helpful for you to approach it as bullsh*tting anyone. By genuinely valuing and respecting where others are coming from it will allow you to feel good about yourself and make you better at communicating with others. When we are self conscious we worry about ourselves. If we start focusing on others instead then that helps.

I also agree with medic that it is a form of communicating effectively. It is another dimension of language in way and it is a skill we can learn.

And if it helps I have met dr's that are totally socially inept and have zero empathy and they still seem to do fine!

 

[safenow]

My goal was communicating effectively rather than being "socially acceptable". All you need is to relax, observe, mirror and practice, practice, practice. :)

When I first started working at the Rape Crisis Center, that is what they teach you. I love the way you said it.

 

[Sailorgal]

It is true as Hashi pointed out that allowing others to be themselves. PTSD has us analyzing and scrutinizing everything!!!!

 

[Dallas]

But can you excel in life while being yourself?

I find the more I am "myself" the more I excel. When I hide who I am, I stumble and fall. When I feel free to express myself, that is when I do my best work, am at my most creative, and when people are attracted to me the most.

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[Abstract]

Oh I agree with both.:)

Dallas, I agree with that. I think what it comes down to is respecting others and respecting ourselves. And nothing changes without us practising and practising.

But I think practising without respect or consideration for others and without feeling authentic and respecting ourselves means that we miss out a dimension of social interaction/attunement and can feel false. And when we feel false others tend to detect it.

Needing to change can make us feel we are not being true to ourselves. But there are ways of approaching it that enable us to feel we are rather just developing ourselves.

Whitelady,
You mentioned you try and try and I guess that is what I was getting at. When I mentioned genuine I meant genuinely interested in others and and therefore feeling authentic and not as if you are bullsh*tting. And then practising and practising.

 

[WhiteLady]

You lot have brilliant outlooks on humanity, and after going through what you did I applaud you and rather admire you for it. Unfortunately due to my upbringing, and a lost critical period of learning, I am something of a misanthropist and (literally) very nervous. (Once again I must say - any of you who may also have lost childhoods to a constant sentinel, you give me hope). Physically, I appear very weak and fragile and I know it - so I feel as if I´m unintentionally overcompensating for it with a persistently fierce air. It´s as if I feel I will be struck down at every turn.. or something like this. I´m not even certain, though in my studies I do begin to understand myself a bit better.

I wish you well. Continue to thrive, it´s inspiring to those yet blooming.